hi, im currently preparing for my application to the masters degree program in public administration, and i would like to get some reviews on my personal statement.. thank you so much :)
I am applying to your master's program in Public Administration. I had completed my undergraduate degree, Bachelor of Administrative Science from University of Technology MARA, Malaysia in 2015. Throughout my studies, I had shown that I am a student who has a high dedication towards studies and readily able to accept new challenges. I have always wanted to be the best at everything I do. During my undergraduate studies, I have put my focus on excelling in my studies and my academic attainment in my bachelor degree has motivated me to further my studies to a higher level which would help broaden up my knowledge.
The 3 years of studying in my previous university was the most useful period of my life, where I gained a lot of knowledge and skills that are beneficial for my future career in the public administration field. I have been actively involved in the extra-curricular activities including my participation in the faculty club. My experience in handling programmes by the faculty was a great way for me to work on my leadership skills. Besides, I was also actively involved in the drama club which has helped me a lot on stimulating my creativity in problem solving, have confidence speaking in public, more persuasive in communications and understand the way human beings interact. To be involved in the public administration, I believe that all of these skills are crucial and it is an advantage for me to have such abilities.
Public administration is an incredibly fascinating field of study. My interest in this field was never existed since my childhood and I had never picture myself pursuing a career in it until I started my studies in the political science. Pursuing my bachelor degree in the administrative science as encouraged by my family definitely was a good decision to make. I soon began to develop my interest in political science when I was exposed to the nature of public administration. I came to understand the basic administration and managerial functions especially in the public sector as I am able to relate it with surroundings and see its importance to a country.
During my studies, we have discussed a lot about the issues that have affected the Malaysian public administration. When I did a seminar presentation on one of the issue that is the practice of good governance, I got the chance to understand more about good governance and i found that public accountability, transparency and honesty had become the biggest threat to good governance in any country. Today, we are seeing the diminishing in numbers of honest and high integrity leaders. As a result of corruption, lack of accountability and mismanagement, these malicious acts had forgone millions of public funds.
Apart of that, another serious issue in the Malaysian public administration is regarding the obsolete nature of a bureaucratic government, from being inefficiency, red tape, lack of flexibility, ineffective accountability and poor performance. Despite many changes and reformations done, the impacts of such reforms have been modest in my country. Reluctance of the public servants to accept new changes have resulted the public services remained to be performed in the same old fashion way, and the traditional work culture has remained.
Although I have no working experience in the government yet, but I have seen a lot during my internship in a municipal council in my local area. Today, especially in my country, I am witnessing the emergence of public servants that are considered as unqualified and not having what it takes to serve the citizens. As a citizen, I personally disappointed by this condition and it is not something that I would be exceptionally proud of my own country. As ethical public managers and employees we need to listen to our critics closely and respectfully. We must, however, never dismiss the fact that what we do as public servants is essential to the functioning of our communities and the welfare of our citizenry.
My intention of attending in the Public Administration course is for the reason that the program will improve my understanding on this field and equip me with the with the knowledge, skills and attitude needed to manage the public sector professionally in the future. Besides, studying abroad will offer me with the exposure of how public administration is being practiced globally and gain a new perspective for my country. With what I have learned in my bachelor degree may not be enough for me to attain my goal. Inspired by a quote by Emerson "To leave the world a better place", I seek to do my very best to reach my ambitious goal for my country that is to transform and bring back the glory days of the Malaysian government.
Hopefully after completion of this program in coming year I intend to work for the objectives of my professional career, which at the later stage transform to the objectives of my country in fighting against corruption and strengthening the economy of my country. I believe that I am fit and competent to be successful in your Master of Public Administration program. I am well aware of the extensive requirements of the program but willing to face the challenge to excel in my field. I thank you, in advance, for your valuable time and consideration for your program.
I hadhave completed my undergraduate degree...
Throughout my studies, I hadhave shown that I am ...
... the most useful period of my life, where I gained a lot of knowledge ...
My interest in this field was never existed sincedutring my childhood and .
... in the administrative science , as encouraged by my family, definitely was a ...
When I did a seminar presentation on one of the issues that is , the practice of good governance...
Apart of thatON a side note , another serious issue in the ...
... experience in the government yet, but I have seen a lot during my internship ...
As a citizen, I'm personally disappointed by ...
... our communities and the welfare of our citizenCy.
My intention of attending in the Public Administration course is for the reason that thebecause I'm sure that this program will improve my ...
Besides, studying abroad will offer me with the exposure ofto how public administration is ...
***** Nice! I'd say just go over the grammar, I think it's a personal statement that covers more about the country than about you, but that might be just me, I'd say, talk about why you love public administration just for a couple of sentences, no more***
Nurul, I can see that you have garnered some corrections here for your essay, what I can add are the following;
Your essay's purpose is to write a personal statement which you did just right, however, I would like to add that as much as we
want to put all the personal information and challenges that we have overcome, you also need to bear in mind that part
of the purpose of the essay to showcase your academic background on the essay.
You should be able to strengthen the academic and career goals of the essay as well as boost
your potential in your chosen field, remember that what comes out of this application will be your ticket to
get admission in MPA in order to study and learn the strokes of your chosen field and career development.
I hope to see the revised essay with more conviction and detail on your academic side.
first of all, thank you so much for both of your reviews. i have considered both of your advices and made some modification to my PS. hope that this version is much more acceptable,however im not really sure if this PS is too lengthy and i would like to ask for your advice on how i could improve my English as it is not my first language... thx :)
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Pursuing my bachelor degree at an early age of 20, i was asked with a question of "where do you see yourself in 10 years?" and it was probably the most difficult question to answer, as I never imagined how I want my future life would be. Being raised in my family where education is highly valued, my entire life was always been dedicated to my studies ever since I was a child. My only dream was just to finish my studies with good grades and keep on pursuing it to the highest level. Until I started my undergraduate studies in Mara Institute of Technology, Malaysia, I finally figured out what I want to do with my life.
"To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition...To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived" was the most beautiful words I ever heard which was quoted in the speech on the first day of my undergraduate studies. That was the moment when I knew that I want to dedicate my future career to helping people and contribute to my own country. Throughout my studies, I came to understand the role of public sector to the society and how it differs from the private sector. Unlike private sector that is principally motivated by self-interest, public sector decision is highly influenced by the public interest. Thus, public administration would be the best platform for me to be able to contribute to the citizen of my country. I started to realize that pursuing my bachelor degree in the administrative science, as encouraged by my family, definitely was a good decision to make. Soon, I began to develop my interest in political science and started to picture myself pursuing a career in it.
From beginning to end of my studies,I have put my focus on excelling in my studies. With my distinctive academic performance and active involvement in extra curricular activities during my first year of studies had granted me a scholarship by the Malaysia Public Service Department. My studies had been fully supported by the government and this had motivated me more to enter into the public sector as I owed a lot to the government. I was able to maintain an excellent GPA which allowing me to graduate with first class honors and I was awarded with the prestigious Vice Chancellor Award for my achievement in attaining Dean's List for every semester. My attainment in my bachelor degree had motivated me to further my studies to a higher level which would help broaden up my knowledge and it was my biggest dream to further my studies abroad.
The 3 years of studying in my previous university was the most useful period of my life, I gained a lot of knowledge and skills that are beneficial for my future career in the public administration field. Although education had always been placed at my highest priority, I have also actively involved in the extra-curricular activities including my participation in the faculty club. My experience in handling programmes by the faculty was a great way for me to work on my leadership skills. My involvement in the drama club had helped me a lot on stimulating my creativity in problem solving, have confidence speaking in public, more persuasive in communications and understand the way human beings interact. To be involved in the public administration, I believe that all of these skills are crucial and it is an advantage for me to have such abilities.
During my studies, we have discussed a lot about the issues that have affected the Malaysian public administration. When I did a seminar presentation on the practice of good governance, I got the chance to understand more about good governance and I found that public accountability, transparency and honesty had become the biggest threat to good governance in any country. Another serious issue is regarding the obsolete nature of a bureaucratic government, from being inefficiency, red tape, lack of flexibility, ineffective accountability and poor performance. Although I have no working experience in the government yet, but I have seen a lot during my internship in a municipal council in my local area. Today, especially in my country, I am witnessing the emergence of public servants that are considered as unqualified and not having what it takes to serve the citizens.
As a citizen, I personally disappointed by this condition and it is not something that I would be exceptionally proud of my own country. I felt that it was a wake-up call for me as a young generation to do something for the nation. Therefore, I chose to pursue my Master degree in Public Administration and in the future I intended to enter the public sector as one of the most sought after job in Malaysia that is the Diplomatic and Administrative Officer specifically in the education sector. I believe that education holds the key to transforming a society. For me, early education has the greatest influence in shaping a person's attitude, values and beliefs.
Being in the world top 50 ranking especially in the field of social science, I believe that studying in your university would provide me with the best quality of studies. Modules such as Governance and Public Management, Democracy and Accountability, and several modules on public policy as offered in your Master in Public Administration and Management programme had attracted me to apply to your university. I'm sure that this programme is what I needed to manage the public sector professionally in the future. Besides, studying abroad will offer me with the exposure of how public administration is being practiced globally and gain a new perspective for my country.
With what I have learned in my bachelor degree may not be enough for me to attain my goal. Hopefully after completion of this program, I intend to work for the objectives of my professional career, which at the later stage transform to the objectives of my country in fighting against corruption and strengthening the development of my country. I believe that I am fit and competent to be successful in your Master of Public Administration and Management programme. I thank you, in advance, for your valuable time and consideration for accepting me to your programme.
@justivy03 @roseochoa
Seems im new to this forum, I think i forgot to tag both of you in my previous post and i cant seem able to edit it, im hoping to get it reviews as soon as possible, thanks.
Nurul, I caught up with your essay when I refreshed my EF page and I'm not sure if this is an
issue of English being you second language because you actually came up with a pretty well
written essay. However long, I will still consider your essay as detailed and informative as you
can ever write.
Now,as I read through your essay,
I figured out that we can remove the third and fourth paragraph and replace them with a general idea
showcasing your academic years, your struggles and the experiences where you learned your valuable lessons.
Here's what I came up with;
Over my academic years, I aim to excel, find a balance in my academic career and extra curricular activities as well as making the most out of my scholarship granted by the Malaysia Public Service Department. This achievement and experience influence me to further my studies abroad. My passion for public administration fulfills most of my goals in life and I will always be persuasive to continue learning and practicing what I do best for greater welfare.
After this paragraph above, inject the next paragraphs that you have, you can also merge this paragraph to the second one so that it does not look segmented or poorly written.
There you have it Nurul, I hope I was able to help.
