(the area of Asset Management) - essay about purpose of taking this program

Anyone can help me modify it and give me some advice? This is a part of an essay for applying graduate program(master in finance) stating the purpose of taking this program and career plan.

Specifically, I plan to pursue a career in the area of Asset Management, being an analyst or fund manager. Now I have an intense aspiration in develop a new tool based on behavioural finance and divination to predict the performance of fiancial market. At present, I even not sure it's feasible in theory .By the way, I have worked as a part-time diviner for a few years.It will be a unconventional tool like financial astrology in western world, which is ustilized in financial market although it hasn't been admitted by the public.

I need three key factors to help me achieve my goal. Firstly, receiving a strong foundation in the principles and practice of finance and developing strong skills in the analytical foundations and the professional practice of finance are the foundation for my career. Secondly, the methods to apply theories to investment strategies will help me finish the design of the tool, so I should learn from leading practitioners and world-class faculty how to put the latest academic thinking and business strategies into practice. Lastly, I need a Credential that can open the door for me to entry finance. Apparently, this program can provide all the three factors and suits me perfectly.

Hello,

Just going by what you wrote here, it seems like you have no passion for finance and are just looking for a position that has some respect and pays well. Admissions officers will see right through this. The masters of Finance degree is one of the most applied to degrees in the world. The applicant pool is extremely well experienced and highly analytic. You stated that you wish to develop an analytical sense during the program....wrong program buddy. Your analytic skills must be strong before you even think of applying to a masters of finance program. You need to tell a story as to why Finance and why Finance Now. I would not talk about a developing a tool that uses astrology as it probably will make the admissions officers chuckle and nothing else. If you are really set on gaining admissions to a great Masters of Finance program we can help. - admissions essay advice

Specifically, I plan to pursue a career in the area of Asset Management, working as an analyst or fund manager.

Now I have an intense aspiration to develop a new tool based on behavioral finance and divination to predict the performance of financial market.

At present, I'm not even sure it's feasible in theory.

It will be a unconventional tool like financial astrology in western world, which is utilized in the financial market although it hasn't been admitted by the public.

Secondly, the methods to apply to theories of investment strategies will help me finish the design of the tool, so...

Lastly , I need a c redential that can open the door for me to entry finance.

Have fun and good luck!

:)