The ensuring statement of purpose is meant to put forth my desire to pursue the Master's Degree program in Simulation Science at your esteemed university, as well as description of relevant experience to the program. I strongly believe that both my educational background and deep concern in this field of study make me a very good candidate for the program
During my final semester of Bachelor degree program, I received an opportunity for Summer Research Program at "International Advanced Research Centre for Powder Metallurgy and New material" which is an Autonomous Research and Development centre of Department of Science and Technology, Government of India. During the Research Program, I have carried out a project work on Thermal analysis of a cylindrical lithium-ion battery in Centre of Automobile Energy Materials. The main purpose of the project is to calculate the amount of heat generation in a lithium ion cell during operation, also to find the factors that cause for the heat generation inside lithium ion cell. I was assigned to work under a scientist Dr.R.Prakash who was working on the project. As I was from Mechanical Engineering background I found this project very challenging and also interesting, because the problem dealt with an interdisciplinary approach. From this project work, I gained practical knowledge from various disciplinary. For example applied chemistry, Heat transfer and applied mathematics specifically differential equations for designing the cylindrical cell. Apart from theoretical calculations, I also tried to simulate a lithium ion cell using some software. For this reason I also learned a software called ANSYS FLUENT from colleagues which was very helpful to carry out my project work. Not only I enjoyed completely working with people from various backgrounds; but also I realized the importance of interdisciplinary approach. Till that time I had an idea of working with an industry as soon as I completed my bachelor degree, but after finishing this research program I really understood the great demand for graduate with an interdisciplinary knowledge. So wholeheartedly I decided to pursue master degree in the field of Simulation Science.
In my country India, studies are inclined towards theoretical approach rather than practical approach but I prefer to study practically with an international environment. While looking at prospective universities, I found RWTH Aachen in DAAD website. The course Simulation science which is offered by RWTH Aachen appealed to me in particular because of the optimum combinations of mathematics, programming and wide range of modules offered. I am looking forward to study fluid mechanics, Heat transfer as these subjects have uniquely appealed to me since my undergraduate days. Further I am very pleased to see these subjects computational propulsion design, Aerothermal design of space transportation systems that are offered in the supplementary modules.
I received my Bachelor's Degree in Mechanical Engineering from Government College of Technology Coimbatore (South India). Throughout my under graduation studies I was consistently performed well. I would like to mention that I stood 3rd in a batch of 142 students who studied Mechanical Engineering with me. I also proved my technical acumen by securing 91 percentile in Graduate Aptitude Test in Engineering (GATE-2015).
I have contributed to not only academics but also to campus culture. During second year (2013), a team of 10 members from my college were selected for National level design competition called EFFI-CYCLE which is an intercollegiate design competition for undergraduate engineering students where teams have to design and fabricate an energy efficient Hybrid human powered- three wheeled-electric vehicle. I was one of the ten members also represented the team. We designed the highly engineered vehicle aerodynamically and ergonomically using the software called Pro-E. As I am interested in computer simulation, I took responsibility for analyzing the vehicle. Using static structural analysis and load impact analysis concepts, I calculated total deformation, stress and strain that is formed during static and dynamic loads. I used the software ANSYS APDL to evaluate the results. I believe that, this experience will help me to understand the basic concepts in Finite Element Analysis.
Further, I got an opportunity to do my Bachelor thesis at an industry. As I interested in computer simulation, I selected an interesting project on "Study and Analysis of T91 tube to tube weld welded by Pulsed Gas Metal Arc Welding". I carried this project at the High Pressure Boiler Plant {HPBP) aided by the Welding Research Institute (WRI) present within the facility. I analyzed the weld strength by conducting various experimental tests, using ANSYS I simulated thermal stress produced at various regions of weld specimen. For my bachelor thesis I secured 10/10 is worth mentioning.
Even though I studied Mechanical Engineering, I am aware of programming. During my second year of bachelor program I studied C and C++ as a part of curriculum. I am fond of coding and debugging and this interest led me to learn a language Python.
I realize the highly competitive demands of the program, but I have the ability, ambition and motivation to exceed the requirements and to excel at the university. I am eager to gain new experiences, and, in my opinion, this program is the best way to achieve that. I am positive that RWTH Aachen and especially the M.Sc. Simulation Science would be the ideal platform jumpstart my career in the right direction. As an individual I am always ready to learn new things, especially those that represent a challenge for me. My zeal to learn along with my desire to strive for my goals would place me as an ideal candidate for Master's Program in Simulation Science. It would a great honor to study at your esteemed institution.
Robert, I gathered a tremendous amount of information about your technical background in this essay that you wrote. However, you indicated at the beginning that this essay is to represent your purpose for higher studies in the field of Simulation Science. Now here is the thing, when you write a statement of purpose, you need to actually indicate a career related purpose for your interest in the higher academic field. Now, you have said that you want to focus only on the technical skills aspect of this essay. Therefore, your statement of purpose, which should be indicated in the first paragraph before anything else, should indicate the technical skill that you wish to cultivate in yourself for your professional career within the realms of this line of study. What is the technical purpose for your desire to complete higher learning?
So far, all I have read in the essay is a longer form of your transcript of records along with some pertinent training information, with the latter serving your essay well as it indicates your "work experience" in the field. These are all information that the reviewer can easily learn for himself by simply looking at your other submitted, required documents. These do not tell him much about the actual purpose of your enrollment.
Some of the questions you may want to consider answering in this written interview are the following:
1. Why do you think that you should pursue this course of learning at this point in your career?
2. How do you see yourself changing the landscape of Simulation Science after you complete your studies in this course?
3. What research project do you think the university can assist you with during your course of study and how can their facilities help you complete the research?
4. Are their any notable university professor names that you look forward to working with, if given the chance, at the university? In what capacity do you see yourself working with this or these person / people?
Since you have already over explained your preparation for this course of study in this essay, try to whittle it down to a more manageable length instead and incorporate the information into the 4 questions that I suggest you respond to in the revised version of your essay. The questions are meant to guide you towards bringing your essay closer to the contents of a more relevant and applicable statement of purpose for yourself .
Thank you very much for your feed back. According to the necessary question which you have mentioned , i altered my essay. also i have removed the over written part. Kindly have a look at the new essay. ( i didn't include the question no; 4 as it may adversely affect my chances , because i don't have much info on the applying departments since the professor profile are highly confidential.Please give your valuable feed back about organisation of the essay , spelling and grammar.
Having graduated in mechanical engineering, I realized that, to be successful in profession, certain skills such as ability to analyze a problem independently, knowledge from various disciplines, ability to keep abreast of current developments are highly required. I figured out that Bachelor degree program in mechanical engineering is alone not sufficient to acquire all these skills. Indeed, I strongly believe Master course of study will enable all these qualities. Thus it opens up door to occupy a leading position in an organization.
This is the career defining period for me. So I would like to start my career in the field of Simulation engineering because I have found myself more interested in simulation throughout my bachelor studies. My first experience with simulation software was, when I participated in a National level Design and simulation competition conducted by Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE INDIA) , in which I designed and analyzed a highly engineered tri-cycle using software such PRO-E,ANSYS APDL. Owing to my interest, I did my bachelor thesis on "Study and Analysis of T91 tube to tube weld welded by Pulsed gas metal arc welding ", in which apart from theoretical calculation, I also analyzed the welding zone using ANSYS software. This project was aided by Welding research institute (WRI) in Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited (BHEL).
After finishing my Undergraduate program, I received an opportunity for Summer Research Program at "International Advanced Research Centre for Powder Metallurgy and New material" which is an Autonomous Research and Development centre of Department of Science and Technology, Government of India. During this program I was expected to carry out a project on "Thermal analysis of cylindrical lithium ion battery" independently. This research program is an eye opener for me. It made me a chance to evaluate myself, how much potential that I have in the field of simulation. Upon successful completion of the research program, I was strongly motivated to enhance my interdisciplinary skill. So, I decided wholeheartedly to pursue higher studies in the field of Simulation engineering.
In my country India, studies are inclined towards theoretical approach rather than practical approach but I prefer to study practically with an international environment. While looking at prospective universities, I found RWTH Aachen in DAAD website. The course Simulation science which is offered by RWTH Aachen appealed to me in particular because it exactly matches with line of my interest and also it offers optimum combinations of mathematics, programming and wide range of modules.
Though I am from mechanical background, I would like to study bio medical engineering as my elective subjects during the course of study. Already my undergraduate course has provided me with a firm foundation of the basic principles of Mechanical Engineering. I want to incorporate the basic principles into other fields. I have seen, currently numerous doctoral research projects are carried out in the field of Bio medical engineering in AICES, to mention Simulation of jaw bone with extended finite element method. If I get a chance, I would like to work on these projects. In addition to that, the close relationship between RWTH Aachen and German research school for simulation science made it possible to use latest technologies such as supercomputing.
I realize the highly competitive demands of the program, but I have the ability, ambition and motivation to exceed the requirements and to excel at the university. I am eager to gain new experiences, and, in my opinion, this program is the best way to achieve that. I am positive that RWTH Aachen and especially the M.Sc. Simulation Science would be the ideal platform jumpstart my career in the right direction. After successfully completing simulation science course, I believe that I am able to research independently and also my skills will be enabled. As an individual I am always ready to learn new things, especially those that represent a challenge for me. My zeal to learn along with my desire to strive for my goals would place me as an ideal candidate for Master's Program in Simulation Science. It would a great honor to study at your esteemed institution.
Robert, don't confuse the discussion by suddenly presenting a discussion about biomedical engineering as your elective course. That is not a necessary part of a statement of purpose. In fact, it deviates from the discussion because it removes the focus of the essay from your major discussion to a minor topic that, at this point, is irrelevant to your statement of purpose.
While this is a better version from the first draft, I am still searching for the actual purpose of your application. Please tell me if you have worked professionally in a related field yet or not. I need to know that information so that I can help you better develop your purpose for study in this essay. If you lack the professional experience which could have given you a direction and purpose for this advanced study, then I suggest that you use your current concluding statement as your purpose paragraph instead. Properly edited, yo can easily imply that those are the reasons for your desire for higher study.
I'll be waiting for your response. After I hear from you, I will give you more instructions as to how you can better revise the prompt to work for your benefit. I hope you won't mind working on another version :-)
I am highly gratified by your feedback.
i don't have any professional experience in the field of computational science. i have completed my bachelor degree in the month of may 2015. Even i am not yet graduated.
The point is, the program which i am applying for , doesn't require any professional experience. but it requires some relevant experience .That is why , in my first essay i tried to put all my technical achievements.
Thank you very much for your involvement.
i am eagerly waiting for your suggestion.
and i never mind about editing on another version. The point is , i would like to convey my desire in short and proper way.
Robert, this certainly makes things much easier to work on :-) What I would like you to do at the moment is follow the instructions that I gave you in my previous response. Work on revising the essay in that manner that I suggested in order to better create an opinion of your ability as a future masters degree student. I hope you won't mind, but I have an additional suggestion that I hope will better strengthen your concluding paragraph, which I am suggesting that you turn into your opening paragraph at the moment.
I suggest that you remove the portion that indicates the following line:
I am eager to gain new experiences, and, in my opinion, this program is the best way to achieve that. I am positive that RWTH Aachen and especially the M.Sc. Simulation Science would be the ideal platform jumpstart my career in the right direction.
The reason that I want this removed is because you are more than capable of delivering this claim through your indicated technical skills in the essay. Your explanation as to the purpose of your study is also more than sufficient at this point so including this line in the paragraph just makes it redundant. I tried reviewing the essay with the aforementioned line removed and I found that the essay became stronger without it. Of course that is just my opinion and you may have other views on the matter so just let me know. I will work with you on it :-)
yes i will do it definitely,
but I have an additional suggestion that I hope will better strengthen your concluding paragraph, which I am suggesting that you turn into your opening paragraph at the moment.
sorry, could you explain it clearly. it is confusing to understand :)
I am sorry if I confused you :-) What I meant to say was that your concluding paragraph is too nice, informative, and strong to be used at the end of the essay. I would like you to use that statement at the beginning of the essay instead. Make it your opening paragraph or first paragraph instead. It will be made even stronger by the revisions that I have suggested you do to it.
Please don't hesitate to ask me any questions if you feel the need to do so. Sometimes revising the essay can be a confusing thing and asking questions will be the only way that you can really sort out what it is that you have to do in order to improve the essay. What I will do in my end is try to clarify the points for you and maybe, offer you examples of how to do certain things if you feel that you cannot do it or maybe, you need to see an example of how to do the change that is being suggested :-)
hallo,
To make my essay more coherence, i have revised my essay once more.
so i want you to look at my essay..please, Feel free to comment. suggestions are highly appreciated.
The ensuring statement of purpose is meant to put forth my aspiration to pursue the Master's Degree program in Simulation Science at your esteemed university as well as my prior experience in the field and my expectation about the program.
Securing 96% in higher secondary school examination lead me to study in Government college of Technology which is purely a government funded organization. During my school days Mechanics and thermal science was my favorite subjects. So I wanted to deepen my knowledge in these areas. Upon my interest I studied Mechanical engineering as my undergraduate program.
My undergraduate course has provided me with a firm foundation of the basic principles of Mechanical Engineering. The various courses in Fluid mechanics, Thermal science, Engineering Design and Finite element analysis, along with a working knowledge of field specific design and analysis software like AutoCAD, Pro-Engineer and ANSYS have provided commendable ground work for advanced study.
On the one hand I learned various concepts of Mechanical engineering; on the other hand I was curious to know how these concepts can be related to computer programmed software. My first experience with simulation software was, when I participated in a National level Design and simulation competition EFFI-CYCLE conducted by Society of Automotive Engineers (SAE INDIA), in which I designed and analyzed a highly engineered tri-cycle. Using software ANSYS APDL, I performed various load tests and evaluated the results. This experience gave me an insight to understand Finite Element Analysis. Further, I did my bachelor thesis on "Study and Analysis of T91 tube to tube weld welded by Pulsed gas metal arc welding ", in which apart from theoretical calculation, using ANSYS Workbench simulated heat distribution in weld specimen during welding. This project was aided by Welding research institute (WRI) in Bharat Heavy Electricals Limited (BHEL).
After finishing my Undergraduate program, I received an opportunity to take part in the summer research program in "International Advanced Research Centre for Powder Metallurgy and New Material", which is an autonomous Research and Development centre of Department of Science and Technology. During this program, I carried out a project on "Thermal analysis of cylindrical lithium ion battery" independently. This research program is an eye opener for me. It gave me a chance to evaluate myself, how much potential that I have in the field of simulation. Using FLUENT software I have found out the factors causing for heat generation inside lithium ion cell. Upon successful completion of the research program, I realized that, to be successful in profession, certain skills such as ability to analyze a problem independently, knowledge from various disciplines, ability to keep abreast of current developments are highly essential. I would like to enhance my interdisciplinary skill in the field of Computational Simulation engineering. I figured out that Bachelor degree program in mechanical engineering is alone not sufficient to acquire all these skills. Hence I strongly believe joining the Masters programmme in your institution is the right step forward.
The course Simulation science which is offered by RWTH Aachen appealed to me in particular because it exactly matches with my line of interest and also it offers optimum combinations of mathematics, programming and wide range of elective modules. During the course of study, I am looking forward to study the automotive engineering modules. I am pleased to see that all the necessary fundamental courses such as internal combustion engine are provided in the sub-modules. I have observed that, at present, numerous research projects are carried out in the field of combustion in institute for combustion technology, to mention auto ignition in turbulent flows. In addition to that, Institute for combustion technology has also made various research initiatives, for instance SFB 686. If I get a chance, I would like to work on these projects. Further, the close relationship between RWTH Aachen and German research school for simulation science opens door to a wide range of opportunities and technology for students.
I realize the highly competitive demands of the program, but I have the ability, ambition and motivation to exceed the requirements and to excel at the university. After successfully completing simulation science course, I believe that I am able to research independently and also my managerial skills will be enhanced. As an individual I am always ready to learn new things, especially those that represent a challenge for me. My zeal to learn along with my desire to strive for my goals would place me as an ideal candidate for Master's Program in Simulation Science. It would a great honor to study at your esteemed institution.
Robert, you need to drop the first line in your essay that explains what the essay will be discussing. The reviewer already knows what the topic is because he has a copy of the prompt. It is a really unnecessary line that your essay can do without. Rather than keeping that set of lines, work on rephrasing your next paragraph instead. Give it a more interesting hook to start off your essay. Make sure to reel in the interest of the reviewer. Telling the reviewer that you will be discussing something in order to prove something is not the way to do that. Those lines are holding back your essay so you must get rid of it.
Since you are focusing the essay on a depiction of your technical skills, I believe that you can skip the following paragraph in its entirety as well:
The course Simulation science which is offered by RWTH Aachen appealed to me...Further, the close relationship between RWTH Aachen and German research ...
The reason that you can skip that is because you are just repeating well known information that the reviewer is more than familiar with. When I read the essay without the reference to that paragraph, I found that it came across in a more informative and interesting manner. There was nothing to take the attention away from learning more about your skills and how it relates to your interest in studying at this university. Would you like to give my suggestion a try? Let me know if it works for you :-)
