PERSONAL STATEMENT
How powerful, beautiful and harmonic God has created the world was what I always feel it in the Art and Architecture class. When introduced to Architecture in high school, I realized that it is an intriguing field defined by combination of skills and imagination in the creation of aesthetic objects, environments, and experiences that can be shared with others. Therefore, I really took an interested in studying Architecture as a field which can combine of several branches of science and art. In four years of study in high school in such a competitive surrounding among all talented youth I have strived to maintain an approach of expanding independence and perseverance in all my efforts. After passing nationwide university entrance exam in 2003, I entered the best school of Architecture and Urban Planning in Shahid Beheshti University, Former National University of Iran. While completing my Bachelor's degree in Architecture in S.B.U, I was selected for the teacher assistant position in several courses and studios; Prevalently, I was part of the panel that graded the students on their final project presentations. I had the privilege of serving as a scientific editor for architectural books in the Galamchi publication, the biggest educational publication in Iran.
A special highlight of my undergraduate years was the opportunity to experience the cooperative work environments in a wide range of professional firms. My first part time occupation in Khak-Pey-Bana consultant engineers as an intern and staff Architect was a great opportunity in experiencing and developing my architectural passion in a real working environment. Subsequently, I got my first fulltime job in NAGHSH PAYVAND Consultant Engineers in June 2007 as the Architect and Designer. I was involved with designing the company's project and coordinating different groups like Architectural, Mechanical, Electrical, and finally presenting them to diverse range of clients. As a result of hard working as a designer and supervisor of other groups with effective organizational and planning skills, I was elected as the Vice-chairman of the board of directors on December 17, 2007 in this company. For more information, you can take a look at my undergraduate portfolio at issuu.com/adelehnejati/docs/undergraduateportfolio2008.
Since studying "Environmental Design (Green Buildings)", sustainability becomes the concept that is most central to my professional intellectuality. I aspire to see a world that is better designed in terms of harmony with nature, the environment, and takes into consideration the housing needs of those among us who are in greatest need of assistance. I look forward to a long and productive professional life laboring to contribute to the realization of these noble and life preserving goals. I struggle constantly to develop an ever more critical eye and mind concerning architecture, its origins, and the driving social forces that account for the way that it moves in certain directions. I see architecture and urban design as practical forms of fine art in an ongoing process of discovery. Through my examination of architecture, I learn who I am and how my location in society is reflected in the way that I see, think, and feel about the surrounding living environments.
Although I was selected as the second best undergraduate student to continue my Master studies in National University of IRAN by waiving the requirement of taking university entrance exam, but I decided to continue my graduate studies in Miami University in order to experience abroad educational and working environment in Architecture. Graduate study in architecture at Miami University is based upon inquiry that assists the student in forming a set of critical architectural practices to guide their intellectual and professional development. A rigorous professional curriculum and renowned graduate thesis process, concentrated on the architectural theory and history as well as design, prepare graduates for entry into the architectural profession and its related disciplines from a position of strength and vitality. My thesis paper with the title of "Spirituality, Health and Architecture: with respect to Stress" got the Abstract acceptance in more than fifteen Conferences and Full paper acceptance in four Conferences. My thesis design project is also embodied in an Urban Healing Oasis which brought a multifunctional program all together to a great location in the city of Cincinnati OH. The program includes a healing thermae, commercial and educational facilities, clinic (concentrated on physical therapy) and Hotel (with extended stay facilities). For more information, you can take a look at my attached resume and my graduate portfolio at issuu.com/adelehnejati/docs/graduateportfolio2010.
I had the privilege of being graduate assistant in Library and teacher assistant at Miami University in the design studio of Graphic Media II and in the lecture course of Statics and Strength of Material for both Architecture and Interior design students. As parts of my duties, I attended lectures given by the instructor and taught several parts of the syllabus occasionally. I also assisted in delivery of classes, involving demonstrations and one by one assistance in studio time. Moreover, I developed teaching materials such as syllabi, visual aids, answer keys, supplementary notes, and course websites. I prepared and proctored examinations; evaluation and grading all examinations, assignments, and papers, and recording them was also parts of my responsibilities as teacher assistant in these courses. Eventually, I scheduled and maintained regular office hours to meet with students in the case of any questions and discussions.
Studying two years of Master program in Architecture at Miami University, attached with working as graduate assistant in Library and teacher assistant in different architectural courses and studios was a challenging and exciting experience which stretched and strengthened my skills academically, personally and socially. Communication in foreign language, appreciation of international culture and enhancement of architectural education and experience in such a developed country like USA identified me as a responsible, innovative and confident person in international architectural academic environment. I truly believe the Collage of Architecture and Planning will provide a stimulating environment for my future research and inquiry; also working under supervision of the scholars at the University of Colorado would be the most ideal scenario for me during my PHD study. I am looking forward to have the opportunity to study at the University of Colorado as a PHD student, to meet the high standards set by this university and to be able to contribute to its environment through my hard work and enthusiasm and to reach my ultimate goal as a professional Architect and faculty member in academia.
When you modify a verb, you need adverbs. For example, modify created like this:
How powerfully, beautifully and harmonically God has created the ...
As I continue to read, I see that you write very well, so maybe I misinterpreted that first sentence... anyway, it sounded awkward.
Here is another small grammar problem I can fix:
Since studying "Environmental Design (Green Buildings)", sustainability has become becomes the concept ...
i.e. Here is another example: Since studying science, I have become aware of strange phenomena.
I aspire to see a world that is better designed in terms of harmony with nature,---very nicely written...
lower case h, add periods: my Ph.D. study.
Well done! If you cite some recent articles that pertain to your specfic interests in the field, it will show that you are proactive about your studies. However, the essay is so impressive, I would be surprised if anyone failed to appreciate it. Be confident! Good luck :-)
adelehnejati
EF KEVIN is right. the first sentence does need to be tweaked:
How powerful, beautiful and harmonic God has created the world was what I always feel it in the Art and Architecture class.
My Art and Architecture class always make me reflect on how wonderfully and harmoniously God created the world.
Instead of using the word "prevalently" you might want to say "subsequently" or even "notably"
As a result of hard working this would be better phrased as "As a result of my hardwork"
"....sustainability becomes the concept that is most central to my professional intellectuality" This sentence can be better phrased as "sustainability became the central focus of my professional pursuits"
Through my examination of architecture, I learn who I am and how my location in society is reflected in the way that I see, think, and feel about the surrounding living environments . This is simply beautiful
I also assisted in delivery of classes, involving demonstrations and one by one assistance in studio time. One by one should read "one on one"
evaluation and grading all examinations, assignments, and papers, and recording them was also parts of my responsibilities as teacher assistant in these courses. ...
please revise this to read : evaluating and grading all examinations,assignments, and papers and recording them were some of my responsibilities as a Teacher Assistant.
Studying two years of Master program in Architecture at Miami University, attached with this would read better if you say "in addition to "
identified me as a (instead of identified me..please say "helped me mature as a responsible, innovative and confident person in international architectural academic environment. I truly believe the Collage (please spell it "college")of Architecture and Planning will provide a stimulating environment for my future research and inquiry; also working under supervision of the scholars at the
also working under supervision of the scholars at the University of Colorado would be the most (you dont need the word "most") ideal scenario for me during my PHD study.
I am looking forward to have the opportunity to study at the University of Colorado as a PHD student, to meet the high standards set by this university and to be able to contribute to its environment through my hard work and enthusiasm and to reach my ultimate goal as a professional Architect and faculty member in academia
I look forward to the opportunity of studying at the University of Colorado as a PHD student. I hope to meet the high standards set by this university and to be able to contribute to its intellectual environment through my hard work and enthusiasm and to reach my untimate goal as a professional Architect and faculty member.
I wish you success. Greetings from Ghana
KofiD
