I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients

Hi friends, I feel my essay is not flowing smoothly. Please help me with your comments! Thanks

Being a physician for more than seven years taught me how caring about patients can change the preceptivity of life in a dramatically rich way. In early June 1998, one of my patients, Tom, came to my office with abdominal pain and emesis for one week. After several blood works and radiological studies, I came to the conclusion that Tom has advanced pancreatic cancer with metastasis to Esophagus and liver. After several meeting with group of surgeons and radiologists, we came across a palliative surgery without any chance to cure the cancer. Several supportive and professional meetings hold to educate Tom that surgery will just suppress the symptoms for a short period of time. Tom started losing his trust at first, but supportive group work so passionately that finally brought him to the center of his life again. He trusted his care group and happily requested for immediate surgery. After surgery he started gaining his 45 pounds weight that he had being lost over several weeks. His symptoms had completely gone. Tom became so passionate about his life and his family that amazed everyone. Tom admitted that the last several month of his life was the most joyful time in his entire life. That is one of the stories that always motivates me to continue being passionate about my healthcare career in spite of all difficulties in this pathway.

I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients. With all my experiences inside and outside of the United States, I strongly believe that I will make a great physician assistant. Thank you in advance for giving me this opportunity to present my dream goal!

Your story is interesting and well written.

Perhaps, you want to elaborate more on how you chose to a a physician assistant at the first place instead of how you continue being a physician. Because the question is why you choose the career. Stay focused and answer the questions with clear and succinct points.

For example, Point: I want to become a Physician Assistant to provide excellent healthcare for my patients.
Elaborate it, and make it more interesting with the use of stories.

Good luck.

Being a physician for more than seven years taught me how caring about patients can change the preceptivity perspective on life in a dramatic way. -- I made a change here based on my own ideas. I don't think preceptivity is a real word. Also, I don't think dramatically rich is a good term. Just say "rich" or "dramatic" or "drastic."

I don't understand why you are trying to be a physician assistant if you are already a physician...

verb tense...came to the conclusion that Tom had advanced pancreatic cancer with metastasis to Esophagus and liver.

After several meetings with group of surgeons and radiologists, we came across a palliative surgery without any chance to cure the cancer.

Several supportive and professional meetings were held to educate Tom about the fact that surgery will just suppress the symptoms for a short period of time. Tom started losing ...

After surgery he start regained 45 pounds of weight that he had lost over several weeks.

Thank you in advance for giving me this opportunity to present my dream goal! express my interest in your excellent program.

I think Kevin brings up a point that will almost definitely be brought up in interviews: "If you are a physician now and have been for years, why are you now choosing to pursue a career as a Physician Assistant?" I'm sure it's been done, but I think it'd be helpful to know good answers to that question. (Which I'm sure you have them, being as you're the one doing it, haha)

I also agree with Phoebe in that you should refer back to the thesis statement every 10 minutes or so as you're writing to make sure you're staying on track and answering the question they want you to answer. I love the story of Tom and think it could definitely be useful in your essay, but tie it in with your reasons of changing careers... do you think you'd have a better schedule and therefore be more available to your patients (like Tom)? Do you hope to work in inner-cities or rural areas (what many PA schools hope their graduates will do because there is so much need in inner-cities and rural areas)? What about being a PA will help you be a better health care professional than you can be as a physician? <-- may be a great question to have ready answers for.

Perhaps in your last sentence, you meant to say "...this opportunity to PURSUE my dream goal..." instead of "present". I like how you thanked them :) Shows gratitude and humility. Keep it up and good luck with everything.

Well, I have heard of situations where one country does not accept another country's standards of certification so professionals have to go through their training again. I thought this might be that kind of situation, and I was just curious about it...

Anyway, this essay tells a great story.