I always cherish the academic excellence moments in my school. Masters in Data Science application

HI All, MY UG was in Electronics and I want to Pursue in Data Science, so there is change of domain for my Masters. I have drafted SOP of My School journey till UG. I will add introduction, purpose , and information about my current work to this body. I feel my draft has more words, Can you plz suggest or help me refine it. Thanks a lot.

I have pasted my draft below. TIA

SOP - Masters in Data Science. Body of SOP

I always cherish the academic excellence moments in my school. I was among top 10 rank holders of the School in my 10th Standard Board Exam scoring 84%. I was Captain of the School leading all the cultural, co-curricular and discipline activities of the school. I participated in numerous debate competitions, quiz competitions and Mathematics competitions in school. To my credit I got 66 certificates till I completed my Schooling up to 10th Standard.

After scoring 94.5% with 99/100 in Maths in 11th Grade and 89% with 99/100 in Statistics, 97/100 in Maths in 12th grade and securing rank 5053 among more than 200,000 students who appeared for Engineering Entrance Exam KCET-2012 I joined Electronics and Communication Engineering in the prestigious X X X X, one of the reputed colleges of India.

The subjects I opted for, during my undergraduate studies involved C, Matlab, Data Structures, HDL,OS, Information Theory and Coding and Computer Networks. The other audit subjects and workshops I enjoyed were Programming languages, Database management system, Android and website application workshops which all helped lay a strong foundation for my understanding of the world of computers and technology My undergraduate study was a richly rewarding experience. The projects done during my undergraduate studies helped to deepen my understanding of the theories learnt in the courses

I always dreamt of making innovative projects. So I decided to design "Wheel alignment indicator" as mini project which monitored the wheel alignment of car regularly and displayed the status of wheels on dashboard itself . This helps the driver to find out about the issue on time and thus avoids damage to the tires. This project was first of its kind and was lauded by Head Of Department.

To enhance my skills , I did Internship during semester break in a startup where I developed Android Application called Boredpad which is similar to notepad in PC and also maintained a database of a client 'X X X X' which also provided me with a business dimension of looking at things. I also learnt website designing using HTML , CSS and PHP as part of intership and also I was part of a group which designed a Website and Android application for The National level Technical fest of my college

Further to expertise on android application I took up Voice/Gesture/Web recognition for Smart Home Application as my major project.
As a part of Data Structure course, I designed Bus Ticket Booking System applying concets of ques and linked lists.

I worked closely with Centre for Technology Innovation and Entrepreneurship (CTIE) and
I was also selected to perform The Industry Project at "X X X" by Government of India on Networking .
I graduated with a CGPA of 8.52/10.Also, it would be worth mentioning that I created a record in college as well as department by scoring a perfect 10/10 in my major and minor projects. I have to my credit, being the first out of 1000 students to be placed in a Company and also having multiple offers from company.

Being part of Robotics committee for 4 years I had organised various workshops on Designing robots and also have numerous prizes under my belt in Robotics competition held in other reputed colleges of India. I had organised Robotics event n National Level Technical fest which fetched maximum number of participants all over the country also it would be worth mentioning that the event was super hit because of the arena and I was applauded by management for such wonderful arena.

Chaitanya, since one of the purposes of your masters degree is for you to have a career change, you must open the essay with an explanation as to why you have decided to change your career at this point in your life. While a more in-depth discussion of that should be located in your personal statement, you still need to provide a summary of the reasons for your career change in the SOP. The SOP should contain the professional reasons as to why you want to make this change. Will it be for career advancement? Or will it just be based on the fact that you feel you majored in the wrong subject as an undergrad? Your purpose for the career change will be more convincing if it is related to a particular side of your profession that you are being hindered from entering due to the differing undergrad major that you completed.

This technically being a statement of purpose, your academic accomplishments should be limited to a single paragraph discussion that comprises your academic achievements as an undergrad and what your thesis was all about. The main focus of the essay should be on presenting the fact that even though you have a different major, your career opportunities prepared you for this change in career course. Indicate your current position, work experience, and any relevant training or seminars you have attended which can convince the reviewer that you have the proper foundation (sans your ugrad course) to help you complete the masters degree requirements. the reviewer isn't interested in your college accomplishments in as much as he is interested in learning whether or not there is a basis to believe that someone without a background in Data Science can actually succeed as a masters degree student in this field.

@Holt
HI! Thanks A lot for your feedback!

Yes I will add my current position, work experience, and trainings I attended which can convince the reviewer , But I would like to convey the projects and awards i got in Under Grad.

The one i have posted is just my UnderGrad journey, how can I concise it .
My 1st , 2nd and last paragraph will be like u suggested. (work experience, trainings and what motivated me to pursue data science), between 2nd and penultimate paragraph i wanted to add my journey from schooling to Undergrad which i have posted above. How do I concise it? Is there anything I mentioned is not required?