Choosing Masters in Australia - such a multi - cultural and forward thinking country

I was asked to submit a personal statement for choosing Masters in Australia after having already done a masters in India . I kindly request your good selves to correct and guide me accordingly . Thank you .

personal statement for Master of banking and Finance

As an ambitious candidate seeking opportunities in the financial industry, my ultimate goal is to become a financial and Investment Advisor. In order to achieve my dream, I need to build on a strong foundation in finance in a 5-star rated University such as .............. A Master of Banking and Finance course in ..........University will provide me an opportunity to widen my knowledge particularly in Investment front and Corporate Finance and also introduce me to the new areas of Capital Market and Economic Analysis which will enhance my understanding of the topic as a whole .

After 2 years of studying finance in university, I decided to take a further study in banking and finance area to broaden my knowledge and vision of financial operations of both economy in general and business in particular. In addition, a master's degree in finance would provide me a solid foundation and promotions for my further career. During my previous study I always got excellent grades and was also a University ranker .

Now, I had worked in a bank as a Assistant Manager of Operations for 5 years since I graduated from the university. In this period of time, I have applied theoretical knowledge that I was learnt in university into reality; it helps me understand clearly about the financial statements and components of these reports. Also I believe that working in an banking firm is a great chance for me to share ideas and experiences about investments and finance among professionals and finance enthusiasts. In my opinion, the time working here has a part in cherishing my desire to take a post graduate course in Banking and Finance.

Furthermore, I chose to study in Australia because it is such a multi - cultural and forward thinking country. It is a chance for me to explore a new culture and to make friends with people all around the world. Also, Australian degrees make students highly desirable candidates for employment globally.

I believe that invaluable knowledge and experiences studied from great professors in ..............University would be a stepping stone for my future life and career. I really appreciate your time considering my application and I hope that you will acknowledge my interests and will give me a chance to study in a quality institution.

@Yaseeraraf
Hi
i have a question,why you do not mention names? like the name of the course and the university?

Yaseer, this sounds more like the beginnings of a statement of purpose rather than a personal statement. The focus of your essay is too much career driven and details information that is normally located in the SOP. That said, it would be in your best interest to try and develop a new, more personal statement focused essay. In the revised version, you need to state what your ultimate career goal is. When did you first realize that you wanted to become an investment banker? What makes you think that you have the traits of a successful banker? Detail those traits in the personal statement. Then, follow it up with the reasons why you chose this university. Aside from wanting to study in Australia, you need to focus on the university and the reasons why you feel that they can respond to your needs in terms of internship training, courses for study, and relevant experiences. Remember, your own country has universities that offer the same masters courses. So why would you want to go all the way to Australia to do that? Justify your reasons for opting to study in an Australian university and that should complete the essay. This current essay, you can develop further as your statement of purpose instead.

@Holt
Thank u so much for your time . I will prepare a newer one and will share here . Thank u so much ,.

@Holt
Kindly check my new personal statement , i had framed it keeping your points in mind. Please guide me for further errors .Thanks in Advance .

As an ambitious candidate seeking opportunities in the financial industry, My ultimate goal is to become a financial and Investment Advisor. From quite a young age I was good at Numbers and problem solving skills . After graduating, I have witnessed many of my friends and relatives lose millions of rupees on failed investments or settling with a lesser Return on Investment (ROI) than they had actually desired. While no business is without risk, there is a strategy to minimize that risk. That strategy is what I intend to find, and to be able to make that strategy customizable to businesses .I believe i can be a successful banker as i possess the right combination of skills and experience . (Actually I do not know where to include this sentence , please guide me that too )

After 2 years of studying finance in university, I decided to take a further study in banking and finance area to get an insight on financial operations of both economy in general and business in particular. In addition, a master's degree in finance will give me the tools I need to understand the costs of managing a business, and teach me to recognize ventures that are worth investing on. During my previous study I always got excellent grades and was also a University ranker .

Now, I had worked as a Assistant Manager of Banking operations in The Federal Bank Ltd for 5 years since I graduated from the university. In this period of time, I have applied theoretical knowledge that I was learnt in university into reality; it helped me to understand clearly about the financial statements and components . Also working in an banking firm was a great chance for me to share ideas and experiences about investments and finance among professionals and finance enthusiasts. In my opinion, the time working here has a part in cherishing my desire to take a post graduate course in Banking and Finance.

I was drawn towards University because of its excellent reputation for finance programs . is a 5 star rated university, featuring among top 100 universities over the world for finance. The course offers a wide range of units for holistic development besides introducing me to the new areas of International trade and Portfolio Management.

Furthermore, I chose to study in Australia because it is such a multi -cultural and focuses more on practical based learning with internships unlike the education system in India. Australian degrees make students highly desirable candidates for employment globally. Also It is a chance for me to explore a new culture and to make friends with people all around the world.

I believe that invaluable knowledge and experiences studied from great professors in University would be a stepping stone for my future life and career. I really appreciate your time considering my application and I hope that you will acknowledge my interests and will give me a chance to study in a quality institution.