I have always been so close-minded - University of San Francisco Essay - Jesuit Mission

prompt: Please compose a one or two page essay about yourself that tells us how you will help the University to carry out its mission:

To promote learning in the Jesuit Catholic tradition so that students acquire the knowledge, skills, values and sensitivities they need to succeed as persons, professionals and architects of a more humane and just world.

I have always been so close-minded. I never made an effort to learn about anything new other than what was required to learn in school. I never asked questions in class simply because I did not want to explore any further than I had to. I always sat in class, and let the open-minded people ask all the questions that I would never in a million years be able think of.This was a mistake. I became more open-minded about things my senior year, and it was not until now that I realized how much I have missed out on. I do not want any other students to go through this. I wish to be apart of the University's mission because I do not want any more students to commit the same mistake that I have all those years.

[...]

- Jennifer, you need to expand upon this sentence as a separate paragraph. While we know the reasons why you were close minded, we need to learn the reasons why you became open minded as well :-)


- I wish to be a part of...
- Word meaning: apart - to separate or divide , a part - to join in


- This is a very bad paragraph in the sense that you sound like a smart aleck who is trying to glide by on a nonsensical answer. Do not say you are not familiar with the Jesuit traditions. What you should be saying instead is that because of your exposure to various religions throughout life as a public school student, you feel that you will be able to bring more to the Jesuit tradition by taking all of the good parts of those various religions and applying it further to the traditions of the Jesuits. Thus showing an evolution in the positive impact of the Jesuit traditions in the 21st century.


- These paragraphs are not relevant to the prompt about the Jesuit tradition and should not be included in the essay. Never provide information in an essay that is not being asked for because it will lessen the impact of the paper and show that you do not understand the prompt totally or you do not care for the prompt they provided to you.

I think I might not make sense because I am not entirely sure what the prompt is asking for, do you think you can clarify it a bit?

Jennifer,I am guessing that you did not grow up in a religious family since you are not familiar with the way the mission and vision of the Catholic schools merge with the way that they teach their students. The prompt is not really that difficult to understand. Each Catholic school, just like the ordinary colleges and universities, also present themselves to the applicants with a specific vision about how their students should act on campus. Known as "core values" in the non religious colleges and universities, this essay prompt is asking you to explain how your education as a Jesuit will help you become a better, more charitable person in the future. They already present their core values as part of the essay prompt. You just need to discuss how you see yourself applying those to your activities in daily life as a person, professional, and a caring member of society. Remember the term "Pay if forward" ? That is exactly what you have to discuss in this essay. How do you plan to help spread the Jesuit mission by "paying it forward" and affecting the lives of others?

Hey I edited it! Let me know what you think :-)

I have always been so close-minded. I never made an effort to learn about anything new other than what was required to learn in school. I never asked questions in class simply because I did not want to explore any further than I had to. I always sat in class, and let the open-minded people ask all the questions that I would never in a million years be able think of. This was a mistake. I became more open-minded about things my senior year, and it was not until now that I realized how much I have missed out on.

What had inspired me to become open-minded started with the trip I made to the University and San Francisco to explore the campus. Our campus tour guide had mentioned that if you were to attend the school you got the opportunity to learn about other beliefs, customs, and religions. This opened my eyes to how much I have been missing out on. I do not want any other students to go through this, and realize it was a mistake too late. I wish to be apart of the University's mission because I do not want any more students to commit the same mistake that I have all those years. Having attended public school all of my life, I have been exposed to various religions, so I feel that I will be able to take all of those diverse religions that I have learned about throughout my years at the University and be able to have it applied even more to the Jesuit tradition. I hope that by doing this I will be able to get a positive outcome of the traditions of the Jesuits for our generation

The education I receive as a Jesuit will help increase my morals, leadership skills, and to become more humane as a whole. I will finally be able to learn about the religions and customs that I have seen throughout my years at a public school. Whenever I come across someone of a different religion and cultural background, I will be able to connect to them and make sure I do not say something that is stereotypical and could offend them. This is an important value to have as a person because having the knowledge and awareness of other cultures creates an open-minded person.

Becoming apart of this mission and becoming a nurse, I wish to help affect people's lives in a positive way. I want to be able to go up to a worried mother and tell her her child will be getting better. I want to help a doctor save a life in the surgery room. Growing up I had a traumatizing experience with my younger sister, and it is the main reason why I want to become a nurse and help people out. I was in bed when all of a sudden I heard my mother screaming my younger sister's name. I got out of bed and ran to the living room to see my younger sister unconscious. I panicked. My aunt called the ambulance and by the time they came my little sister had regained consciousness, she had been eating scrambled eggs and was running around, when she slipped and began choking. I had no idea what to do, and next time I want to be able to know what to do. If this happened to any person in my presence I want to be able to make sure that person is okay. I want to be able pay it forward to society everyday and every chance that I could possibly get.

Jennifer, I already advised you about the way that you use the word apart in a separate essay. You apparently did not listen to me or you forgot. Change all references to apart in this essay to "a part" As I explained in a previous thread to you, "apart" means to separate, " a part" means to join in. You do not mean to separate anything in your essay so do not say "apart" say "a part" since you want to join in. I am emphasizing the need for you to remember the difference in the definition of the like sounding English words and cautioning you about the way that you use it.

That said, this essay is highly improved over the original one. The only problem, is that you never truly discuss how you plan to become a part of promoting the school mission. You can become a part of that quest in various ways. You just have to think of how you plan to do it first as a student, then as a professional in your field of work.

(Note: I highlighted the word "a part" in order to show you how to properly use the word.)

I am really sorry, I forgot I will fix it!