Computer databases - review my SOP for Masters in CS

Hello all,

I am applying for Masters in CS & I have written my SOP below. It would be really helpful if you can provide your feedback. Thank you in advance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Statement of Purpose:

I am applying to Indiana University for admission to the MS program in Computer Science as my aspiration and goal is to apply and hone my ability to deconstruct, analyze, and apply through academics alongside peers or through research with faculty members. I am of the opinion that the university's graduate program is an important first step in achieving this objective.

Though I was exposed to some aspects of Computer Science in the last two years of my higher secondary school, a comprehensive foundation in all the fields of Computer Science began after I entered my undergraduate college. The Computer Science department there exposed me to its excellent courses, faculty and learning environment which have given me a firm grounding in all the fields of Computer Science.

I am of the opinion that excelling in technology requires a firm grounding in theory backed by practical implementations and an in-depth knowledge of different systems. In addition, courses like Data Structures, Algorithms, and Databases gave me a firm theoretical base allowing me to focus on my prospective professional ambitions. My performance in lab courses attests to my knowledge of systems and programming. I have been involved in many course projects involving a group of students where I have been the team leader often. These sessions helped me inculcate consistency, capacity for hard work, and my ability to work in a team. It also helped me provoke my belief towards research i.e the involvement of new ideas, as well as a consistent effort to back them up.

The final year entailed the creation and development of the Alumni website of my college. The project was completed in a period of 4 months where technologies used were Java, J2EE and Oracle. I was very keen on the database management part of this website and hence took up my interest further by doing ample research work and devoting quality time towards a focused understanding of this subject. All in all, I implemented my own ideas in the various building blocks of the website allowing me to think liberally and focus on the end result on a holistic note.

The field of Databases interests me as its scope for breaking new ground towards various technological portals has immense implications towards our day to day applications. Like myself, I believe that Database systems entail a lot of potential for young aspiring professionals. Currently, I am working under a project in an organization as a Jr. Database Administrator which involves many extensive real time applications of various administration tasks like database creation, tuning databases and various configuration tasks. As a Jr. Database Administrator, I experienced different situation that allowed me to create a niche in the industry in a way that I had never encountered at college. My grounding in this field is solid, which is reflected in my obtaining the best possible knowledge in both the analytical & even the implementation part of this course.

Since the study of technology is highly sustainable in nature, I want to pursue graduate studies at a University that is strong in all fields of Computer Science. I would be elated to have the opportunity to study in a department where there is such a plethora of researchers who study cognition and development. The breadth of research done at Indiana University, Bloomington would allow me not only to pursue my interests in depth with talented researchers, but would also allow me to eventually pursue some of my secondary interests in other areas of cognitive development. It is because of these fabulous opportunities that Indiana University, Bloomington is my top choice for graduate study.

I plan to carry on the advanced study of Databases, as well as related fields (e.g. Algorithms), not only through coursework but also by participating in one of the several ongoing projects at the computer science department at Indiana University. This will also give me the opportunity to contribute to the understanding of the fields provoking my interest on a deeper level. In addition, I am aware that the Indiana University, Bloomington expects very high standards from its students due to the kind of dedication, resilience and resolve that the department possesses. I feel that I am adequately prepared, both with technical qualifications and the right mind-set for masters. By working under the guidance of distinguished faculty at your department, I am certain that I will be able to exploit my potential to the fullest. I look forward to joining Indiana University, Bloomington as a graduate student at your esteemed department.

Aviya, it would help your opening statement if you do not only talk about enriching your skills related to computers, but also offer an actual career path for yourself that includes the title of the position you currently have and where you see this career taking you in the near and distant future. While the opening statement is strong, it weakens when it gets to the part about your professional need for advanced education and career advancement. The lack of that representation leaves the reviewer wondering as to the relevance of your interest in higher studies.

When you apply for admission for masters studies, try to show the reviewer that your interest in the field stems more from your current work demands, seminars attended, or even job requirements. Spending all of paragraphs 2-3 recounting your undergraduate information is not of interest to the reviewer. He will refer to your transcript of records for that information. What he wants to know about in your statement of purpose is just that, the professional reasons you feel you need to receive higher training in this field. The best part of your essay, which should become your second paragraph is the part where you mention that you are working as Jr. Database administrator. Mention the organization you are working for and create that solid connection between work demands and more skilled training in the field.

This is a pretty solid essay that only needs a little adjustment in order to become even better. Your focus on the beneficial outcome of the advanced studies in terms of your career is accurately represented in your last few paragraphs. The reasons why you chose the university in relation to your academic desires really works very well in the essay.

Aviya, as I read through your essay, I felt like it is a very slow pace or the process of going to the point as it asked in your prompt is quiet slow.

I would appreciate and for sure the admissions officer too, if you can go direct to the point and answer the prompt.
Besides, this is a statement of purpose and the purpose is for you to be able to write and justify why you chose the course and the university as a whole.

I'd like to share my thought on the first three paragraphs, i hope you follow thru;

- I am applying to Indiana University for admission to the MS program in Computer Science as my aspiration and goal is to apply and hone my ability to deconstruct, analyze, and apply through academics alongside peers or through research with faculty members. I am of the opinion that the university's graduate program is an important first step in achieving this objective.( I'd like to re-phrase this first paragraph;

I am writing for an admission to the University of Indiana for MS Program in Computer Science, I believe the institution will hone my ability to....(here you can continue with the paragraph )

- The Computer Science department there exposed me to itsdisplayed a whole lot of excellent courses,
- which havehas given me a
- firm grounding in all the

- I am of the opinion that excelling inI believe that the study of technology
- requires a firm groundinggood foundation in theory
- and Databases gave me a firmstable theoretical base
- My performance in laboratory courses
- I have been involved in many course projects involvingworking closely with a group
- of students where I have beenoften stand a the team leader often .
- It also helped me provokechallenge my

Aviya, I must say that you don't have that much choice of words that you use in this essay, avoid using the same words or phrases all the time, this will lower the interest of your readers, not only that but this can also cause a great deal of misunderstanding in your essay, for example, the word "provoke" denotes a very negative idea when in fact you don't mean any harm but you mean you are being challenged, correct me if I'm wrong but this is how I see your essay.

Anyhow, I made a few remarks, I hope you follow through and the best of luck to you.