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criticism on the quality of letter of motivation for aerospace engineering masters



megamind1 1 / -  
Jul 12, 2024   #1
Could you please criticize my letter of recommendation, any help is appreciated:

Growing up in Nigeria, I vividly recall the first time I flew in a plane. I was eight years old, looking out the tiny window in awe as the aircraft roared above the national stadium. The sensation of this massive machine, defying gravity and soaring into the clouds, ignited a passion within me that has only grown stronger with time. Today, I am at the threshold of a career in aerospace engineering, ready to expand with advanced training.

My academic journey began with a degree in International Mechanical, Materials, and Aerospace Engineering from INSA Lyon, where I gained a strong foundation in engineering mechanics, avionics, aircraft structures, aerodynamics, aircraft design, and aerospace propulsion. One of the highlights of my undergraduate experience was designing a model aircraft spoiler. This project not only solidified my interest in aerostructures but also introduced me to the exciting world of composite materials. My professional experience as an Airworthiness Inspector at the Civil Aviation Authority of Botswana provided me with practical insights into the regulatory and operational aspects of the aerospace industry. This role enhanced my understanding of stress analysis, materials testing, and structural testing of aircraft components. And with the rising application of composite materials in the aerospace industry, I realized that to make an innovative impact in this field, I needed to delve deeper into the issues and limitations of composite materials in the aerospace industry. This is why I am particularly drawn to the Dynamics and Durability of Composites (DDC) track at École Centrale de Lyon. I plan to carry out research on fatigue damage testing and fatigue improvement processes of composite materials and further expand on this in my PhD. The Laboratory of Tribology and System Dynamics at your institution offers an ideal environment for conducting cutting-edge research in this area. I am eager to work alongside esteemed faculty members and industry partners to explore innovative solutions that can enhance the longevity and resilience of aerospace components.

Beyond academics, I have always been active in extracurricular activities. In Botswana, I played football and led my team to several local championships. As a member of INSA's aero club, I had the opportunity to lead a team in designing and launching model aircraft. This experience taught me the importance of teamwork and leadership. I am also a member of the team that created the EUROAVIA Lyon team.

École Centrale de Lyon stands out for its exceptional faculty, state-of-the-art labs, and strong industry connections with Airbus and Safran. My familiarity with Lyon and love for the city further motivate me to pursue my studies here. I thrive in collaborative environments and am always eager to learn from others. My diverse background, from growing up and working in Nigeria and Botswana to studying in France, has given me a unique perspective and adaptability. I believe in using my knowledge and skills to help others while pursuing my goals. I am confident that my contributions will enrich the academic community at your university. My goal is to work for leading aerospace companies like Airbus or Safran, where I can apply my knowledge in a practical setting. Later, I plan to establish a startup focused on aircraft maintenance in Botswana and other African countries, addressing the critical need for local maintenance solutions in Africa. This MS program will provide the advanced training and research opportunities necessary to achieve these ambitions.

The Master of Aerospace Engineering program at École Centrale de Lyon is crucial to my career aspirations. Its comprehensive curriculum, industry partnerships, and research prospects promise to enhance my expertise in aerospace engineering.
Enclosed with this letter are the required documents necessary for admission. Thank you for considering my application.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15458  
Jul 15, 2024   #2
I vividly recall the first time I flew in a plane. I was eight years old

Oops. This is too much of an exaggeration. You cannot fly a plane at the age of 8. You won't even be able to see over the instrument panel of a plane at that age. You are asking the reviewer to suspend disbelief way too much. You cannot use that age as a reference point. You have to be of a believable age and, you need to convince the reviewer that you actually flew the plane. That paragraph does not do that at all.

My academic journey began with a degree

This is a motivational letter, not a statement of purpose. There is no need for you to present your academic history in this letter. Just focus on your motivation for a masters course. Let me see if I can find the actual motivation for your studies in this letter. It seems to be hiding itself from view.

My professional experience

This whole paragraph should be better developed in version 2 to allow yourself to truly focus on the motivational aspect of your letter. Everything else in the letter does not fall under a motivational reason.

My goal is to work for

This is the other reason that should be presented and used in this discussion. Develop these 2 aspects in order to create a motivational letter on track with the information expectations of the reviewer.


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