Digital Triangle Team - Review my admission essay.

HI
CAN YOU PLEASE REVIEW AND CORRECT IF POSSIBLE MY ANSWER FOR AN ADMISSION QUESTION.

my Leadership Experiences

Have you ever held a position of responsibility? Under what circumstances?
Please complete all sections in this field in a clear and detailed manner.

Since childhood, I have grown up with people who were older, active and masterful. From many examples of influencing and responsibilities in my life, I would like to write some of them.

My first position of responsibility was when I joined the Scout Movement as a Boy Scout until I promoted to a team leader. My responsibility was coordinating the volunteer work and Scout festivals as well as conferences and meetings. As a leader, I am passionate about Scout activity I had a fantastic opportunity to enhance my skills when I joined the Arab Scout Camp for leaders in 2004, which helped me to gain some experience in communication and integration into society through various volunteer work.

In 2008 I founded "Jawwo" an online social website, in the beginning, it was a challenging task with limited human and finance resources especially at the time in my town Sabha. I had to influence and manage the team to do another activity until reaching the goal and it was progressing in a timetable. Furthermore, with all the difficulties we faced at the time, the website reached about 15,000 Account registered and closed in 2011 because of the country's political and financial problems during the Libyan revolution, this has resulted in a lack of resources and long-term disruption of the Internet.

From my recent study, my responsibility was to contribute with other students to launch of a scientific conference at my university, that included many participants from various universities and companies under the name "Occupational safety, health and environmental protection". Furthermore, my previous studies were more difficult because of the conflicts in my country I was able to overcome this challenge by continuing and persistent perseverance until I graduated.

Nowadays, besides working at Assil Drilling Company as HSE Officer, I am starting a new initiative with the Digital Triangle Team in collaboration with local clinics in my hometown to design a phone application that helps families and alert them about dates with doctors for their newborn children and the availability of medicines.

I think you should pay more attention to the connection of each paragraph. For instance, it might be best to address the connection of scout camp and volunteer work with the JAWWO generation. How the skills help you to run the web?

And, you should watch some of the punctuation. Like, " In 2008, I founded ....."
Best of Luck

Salah, the reviewer is looking for a more solid representation of your responsibility skills. Based on the discussion you presented, it appears that you are applying for admission to a masters course. As such, your responsibility skills must be represented by your leadership skills and should be based on a professional setting, but one that did not shut down for any reason. You have to remember that a responsible leader can lead his company through any storm and come out on top because of his management / leadership skills. Your business does not reflect that so I would not focus too much on that discussion. Better yet, don't mention is at all.

The Boy Scouts experience is 14 years old. That means you were not yet at an age of actual responsibility. Which is why you spoke of leadership training. This was most likely a part of your high school extra curricular activities. It is not impressive enough to warrant your consideration for admission. Truth be told, none of these discussions showcase the development of your sense of responsibility in relation to a leadership ability and leadership style.

These sound more like passing events instead of notable moments of responsibility. By the way, you need to present only one leadership accomplishment, to represent your sense of responsibility, for this essay.

By the way, you are being asked if you have ever held a position of responsibility. A position means you must present only one instance of an act of responsibility. The most impressive instance that you can present. None of what you have presented here satisfies that requirement.

Based on your narrative, you can use the social media business for the revised essay. However, do not go into the failure of the business. Instead. highlight one incident where you were able to successfully lead the team. Successful project completions indicate that the team leader is a responsible person. Expand the discussion to indicate:

1. What the business was about;
2. What the situation was;
3. How the situation progressed into a problem;
4. What the actual problem was;
5. How you took responsibility for the situation;
6. How you resolved the issue.

Indicate team management skills whenever possible and conflict resolution skills if it was used. Those are the 2 best ways to present an example of your sense of responsibility towards the completion of an objective or work task.