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Draft PS for Msc AI, asking for advice.

Punchwe 1 / 2  
Aug 26, 2016   #1
Hello, I am doing my ps for Msc AI, and this is my draft PS, would you please give me some suggestions.
I know I have weird grammar (T T). How about my content, Is it boring.


I am currently in my fourth year of a degree in Computer Science and Technology. In the second year, when I took the assembly language course, our teacher showed us his team's recent application which could search videos by their contents. This drew my attention, I talked to the teacher after class, and asked if I could join his laboratory team as an intern and was delighted to be agreed.

During my stay in laboratory, I had been given the task to read papers related to methods of feature detecting and matching. Before that, professor gave me and his new graduate students lessons to introduce mathematical knowledge which is relevant to his research area including linear algebra, multiple view and some about computer vision. These lessons strengthened my mathematical background, made my journey to papers full of derivations much easier. I mainly focused on scale and affine invariant interest points, and started with Harris-Affine. By reading papers and communicating with professor, I gained a detailed understanding of how to extract initial interest points by different detectors, and the iterated algorithms to modify their scales and positions. In our weekly laboratory discussion session, I made PPTs to demonstrate how they work, comparisons among different approaches and their related codes in OpenCV. I enjoyed this process of reading and presenting, exchanging opinions with the graduate students has also helped me to develop an interest in research.

This summer, I participated a summer programme held by School of Computing, National University of Singapore. After taking course of 3D Rendering, accomplished a series of assignments and discussions, I was able to design and implement simple 2D and 3D interactive computer graphics programs, and realistic global illumination applications by OpenGL. Besides, I found ray tracing most interesting, when I was completing my assignment about whitted ray tracing algorithm, I had been in trouble with shadow rays for a long time.

Throughout my course I have chosen electives that support my developing interests in Artificial Intelligence like web data mining and image processing. I have come to the realisation that it is quite a multi-field subject, but I think data mining is always a key point which makes Artificial Intelligence really intelligent, no matter AlphaGo or Cortana. And the algorithms we used in data mining are mainly the results of machine learning. This gives me every reason to choose machine learning as my specialist area.

After 3 years of professional study in Computer Science, two experiences in laboratory and summer programme, I feel that I have good foundation which could support me to explore related area further. And I have looked your degree programme table, apart from courses about Machine Learning, I find Advanced Vision and Computer Graphics are also available as AI courses. I think this Artificial Intelligence programme is quite suitable for me because I desire of knowing more about Machine Learning, and I also wish to advance my knowledge in Computer Vision and Computer Graphics.

My future plan is to become a research scientist in universities or IT companies, after applying for a Doctorate in the area of Machine Learning for Image Processing and Computer Vision. I believe this programme can reinforce my professional background and help me to be well prepared for my Phd.
Angela Nang 4 / 10  
Aug 26, 2016   #2
Hi ,
Here are my some suggestions.
By the time I took the assembly language course in the second year
After accomplishing the course of 3D Rendering and a series of assignments,....
...ray tracing was the most interesting while completing the whitted ray tracing algorithm assignment
After 3 years of professional study in Computer Science with two experiences in laboratory and summer programme,I assume that...
help me to prepare well for my Phd.
OP Punchwe 1 / 2  
Aug 26, 2016   #3
Thank you for your advice, it is really helpful.

And Can I ask what do think of my PS, is it logical or is there any thing I should modify about the structure.

Thank you in advance.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 26, 2016   #4
Hi Qiwei, first of all, WELCOME to the Essay Forum Family, I hope you find this website valuable and even more so, helpful to your revision and future writing reference. Moreover, we aim to provide you the most accurate and credible feedback in order to make sure that you will be able to submit a confident and well managed essay.

Having said that, I know that you are quiet worried, following your posts from the previous remarks, now, as I read through your PS, I believe you managed to create a well structured content, the flow of the essay is very smooth, it is definitely an extension of your biography and what transpired in your quest for further acquisition of knowledge and this is what makes a PS worth reading.

Further to your essay, on the 2nd paragraph when you say, "During my stay", I suggest, "During my days..." , I believe this is a more appropriate word or phrase. For the conclusion, "My future plan is to become a", I suggest " I plan on becoming a..." .

There you have it Qiwei, I hope my thoughts are useful as well as insightful in helping you formulate an even stronger essay.
OP Punchwe 1 / 2  
Aug 27, 2016   #5
Thank you very much (T T)
I don't feel very confident about my PS, I do appreciate your words.
I will do extra modification about my phrases.
justivy03 - / 2,366 607  
Aug 29, 2016   #6
Hi Qiwei, no worries at all, we are here for you and we aim to provide you the most accurate feedback that will hopefully get you a confident and well structured essay. Moreover, this forum is also aimed at honing your skills in writing and having said that, I strongly suggest that you practice writing more often, read a lot and enhance your vocabulary, the more you learn ew words, the better your writing will be.

Furthermore, wider vocabulary leads to better ideas in writing and how to approach your prompts.
In writing a Personal Statement, however, you have to understand that, first, it is an extension of yourself, who you are, your goals and aspirations and your achievements. This kind of writing should also be focused on the positive attributes of your life, not that the negative ones will have no impact on this writing project but it will be best if we focus on the positive ones.

I do hope the above remarks and insights as well as the corrections made in your PS writing will help your revision and in coming up with a stronger Personal Statement. Keep writing.

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