Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Graduate   % width   Posts: 11


I have always dreamed of having a job where I could care for and help others



m_t_716 1 / 4  
Apr 21, 2010   #1
Question: Please describe your motivation towards becoming a physician assistant

I have to write an essay for a physician assistants program, but I've been having trouble with it. It's a combination of finding the best opening paragraph, and not knowing how to organize my ideas. I've written down a little bit, but I feel that it is so disorganized. If anyone could give me some idea on how to improve it, I would be very grateful! It also needs to be around 5000 characters, so far I have 1500.

It's not finished, I know it's bad, please bear with me!

As a child, I had always dreamt of a career that would enable me to help and care for others. This desire influenced me as I got older and led me to apply to Marist College as a major in biomedical science. In my junior year, I completed an internship in which I was able to shadow a physician assistant in an emergency room. By the end of my internship, I felt that by becoming a physician's assistant, I would be able to take care of others to the best of my ability. This profession would allow me to diagnose, treat, and help people with their medical problems.

With professional training as a physician's assistant, I would like to try and work in a clinic in an underprivileged area. I think it is important that everyone have an equal opportunity for health care. The presence of a clinic for those who cannot afford health insurance could greatly improve their quality of life. I would like to be a part of a facility which helps people get the health care that they need. It's important for someone to be willing to treat people in these areas: high poverty and crime rates tend to discourage most from working in urban communities.

During my internship at St. Francis Hospital, the physician's assistants helped me discover that this is what I wanted to do. Each week, I was able to observe one of them treat the patients that came into the emergency room. Here, I learned that to be a physician's assistant, one must be able to listen and talk to their patients. They were able to show their patients compassion and helped with their problems. I walked away from this experience hoping that I could someday help people in a similar way. This internship also helped me realize that I would like to work in an emergency room. I enjoy working in a fast-paced environment, and feel that I could work well and quickly in an emergency room. Also this type of setting allows me to treat a wide range of ailments, as well as meet a variety of people.

Another aspect of my learning experience emerged in the time I have spent shadowing Dr. Kayastha. He is a family practice physician who I have been shadowing in my spare time. I think I have learned a great deal from him. Dr. Kayastha shows his patients compassion and has immense patience. During the appointments, he examines his patients, or just talks with them. He has shown me that to be a health care professional, one must listen to the patients. They must walk away from their appointment feeling satisfied, and knowing that they have been listened to and understood by the person who is treating them.

My education, as well as other experiences, has instilled in me the skills that I believe are necessary to become a physician assistant. Working in a laboratory setting has improved my observational skills: I am better able to pay attention to all details no matter how minor. Laboratory work has also improved my ability to keep a detailed record of all my observations. Also, the group work done in laboratories have helped my social skills; I can collaborate with others to complete a task or to solve a problem. I have also taken the initiative to further my knowledge on my own. I have taken a BLS class and become certified. Also, by shadowing Dr. Kayastha, I have learned about basic examination such as taking blood pressure, and checking blood sugar levels. He has also taught me how to examine the ears, nose and throat of a patient as well as listen to their heartbeat, and listen for breathing sounds. The knowledge that I have gained in this past year will be invaluable in aiding me in my goal of becoming a physician's assistant.

Through my experiences, I have learned that there is an emotional aspect to health as well as the physical one. Having the proper support makes a huge difference in the recovery of a patient. In knowing that they are respected and being listened to, patients will be more receptive to treatment and heal faster. I believe that I can give people the patience and compassion that they look for from a physician's assistant. I feel that this is something I am meant to do. I enjoy working with people and find it easy to relate to others. I am able to systematically resolve problems, as well as consult others and ask for their help when it is needed. If I am allowed to become a physician's assistant, I believe I would be able to provide quality care to my patients and make a difference in peoples' lives.

psingh42 1 / 2  
Apr 22, 2010   #2
m_t_716,

I have an essay "Why MBA?.." of my own on this thread, and I have got some important feedback on that - It's time to payback. As I am not an expert myself, take this with pinch of salt.

********************************************************************** *****

I am commenting only on your first sentence, but in general, you need to be careful of grammar and concision.
Individual sentences are fine gramatically, but they do not fit with eachother to convey the idea. You are discussing two past events here. So it should be either past perfect + past or past + past (if unrelated, occurence wise)

From the time that I was a child since my childhood, I have had always dreamed dreamt of having a job where I could care for and help help and care for others. As I got older, this goal never changed; "verbose - rephrase whole sentence" I attended Marist College as a major in biomedical science
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Apr 23, 2010   #3
From the time that I was a child, I have always dreamed of having a job where I could care for and help others.

This is a sentence you can say in a thousand creative ways. Use a metaphor or an example. Give a sentence that expresses your personality! :-)

This one too! ---> By the end of the semester, I believed that this was a profession that would suit me and allow me to attain my goal of helping others.

This sentence can be much better if you wait for some inspiration and write a sentence that really feels like it expresses your main truth, your concept of living a life of service and caring.

:-)
OP m_t_716 1 / 4  
Apr 25, 2010   #4
Thanks! I get what you mean, it's just hard for me to express myself in a more creative way! But I will work on my essay in the meantime and hopefully I can come up with something better.

Any other suggestions would really help.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
May 20, 2010   #5
...that would allow enable me to help and care for others.

This desire influenced me as I got ...

This profession would allow me to diagnose, treat, and help people with their medical problems.

Is it true that a PS is allowed to diagnose? I am not sure that it is. Just double check that if you are not sure. Also, this sentence appears at the end of the first paragraph, so it plays an important role. I wonder if another sentence would be better; for example, you can add one more sentence after this one... a sentence that captures the main idea of the essay... the idea you want the reader to remember.

there is an emotional aspect to health ---- very good! So take some psych courses.. Great observation!!

Here is a suggestion:
If I am allowed to become a physician's assistant, I believe I would will be able to care for others to the best of my ability and make a difference in many peoples' lives.
OP m_t_716 1 / 4  
Jun 22, 2010   #6
Okay, here's my revised essay. I think this is the final draft that I plan to submit. If someone could read and give me any final changes, that would be great. Also, I'm wondering if the paragraph starting with "my education," is in the right spot. Any help would be greatly appreciated!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 23, 2010   #7
HAD is not necessary here:
As a child, I had always dreamt of a career that ...

By the end of my internship, I felt that by becoming a physician's assistant, I would be able to take care of others to the best of my ability, and I had developed a new interest in ___________ (what areas of medicine most fascinate you? Show that you are going deeper into the field already and forming your own specializations).

I can tell you are a methodical thinker! the reader will be impressed with this, I'm sure.

suggest switching all this to the present tense:
My education, as well as other experiences, has instills in me...
Through my experiences, I am learning that there is...

I would write those last 2 paragraphs in the present verb tense.
cjohnson0620 1 / 7  
Jul 15, 2010   #8
Hi, I'm not sure if I'm too late in responding to this, but one thing I noticed is your use of "physician's assistant". The admissions adviser I'm in constant contact with told me and some friends that he personally hates it when people say that, as the official title is "Physician Assistant", not "Physician's Assistant". I know it sounds trivial, but it may be a real factor to whoever ends up reading your essay. Good luck!
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jul 17, 2010   #9
Casey, good call! Also, thanks for the feedback about the Antarctica/seal essay confusion... I didn't mention it in that thread, but I appreciate you helping.
cjohnson0620 1 / 7  
Jul 29, 2010   #10
thanks, and thanks for all of your time that you put in with helping everyone! The essays I've looked at have all had great and helpful comments from you :) Glad I could be of help too. Also, I saw above that you asked if PAs are allowed to diagnose - they are. They can diagnose, prescribe medications, take medical history, etc. For very complicated cases, a doctor may need to sign off on their diagnosis/prescriptions, but overall their autonomy is pretty nice. A "nurse practictioner" (NP) is a similar profession and in some states NPs can prescribe a broader range of drugs than a PA can (narcotics, for instance). :)
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jul 31, 2010   #11
Thanks for that discussion of the roles played by those health professionals, Casey.

I think of that kind of profession within its historical context... like, in every culture, the healers have been multidisciplinary practitioners who did what they knew how to do and got the best results possible.

So, all practitioners would be considered healers with some being more advanced than others. So, when I hear about any medical profession, I just thing "physician."

In human society, a healer is a healer. And you'll gradually learn more modalities. Like, you might learn acupressure and trigger point work, for example,to compliment what you do. You might learn Ericksonian hypnosis. No matter what your day job is, you can be a part time freelance healer and try out various forms of therapy with various groups. It's good to get passionate about your own blend of therapeutic modalities.


Home / Graduate / I have always dreamed of having a job where I could care for and help others
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳