Please read my personal statement/ diversity statement!!
Any criticisms (constructive or not) is much appreciated. I also need help deciding what to omit, as the length is exactly 3 pages double space and I'd like to shorten it a bit. I'll return the favor if anyone wants to email me their essays to edit.
My biggest problem is that I feel it is kind of "all over the place" -but I'm supposed to be addressing obstacles overcome and I guess I have quite a few. It is also supposed to cite why I want to attend law school and my qualifications for doing so. This is the first draft...
I watched as the palms thrashed about from the helicopter hovering above the house on Island Drive. While home over winter break, family dinner had been disrupted by sirens and a helicopter en route to our neighbors' home. As we stood outside watching the chaos, my father called his best friend, our tiny town's fire chief, to find out details about the incident.
Upon learning that the stranger held captive by her estranged husband had been a victim of murder-suicide, I cried. We'd never met, but I too had walked along that shameful path of hushed cries and violent secrets. While I would never go back, she was never able to escape.
I am lucky and I know why. My immigrant parents have always strived to teach me the importance of a close and supportive family, which was reiterated by our Hispanic heritage. When my family fled Cuba and settled in South Florida during the sixties, all they had was each other to ease the transition from old country to new life and language. At nineteen, I finally began to understand that a strong support system is essential to overcoming obstacles.
Three months prior, the five year relationship with my high school boyfriend became increasingly violent, culminating into in him pushing me down a flight of stairs outside our apartment, shattering my right elbow and dissipating my naïve notions of the world. 'Domestic violence victim' wasn't a term I could attach to myself, and I searched for the words to explain how this could have happened to someone like me.
Within hours of me calling, family had rushed across the state to help save me from the hell I had created for myself. When he began stalking me over the next several weeks, my parents moved me into a new apartment, changed my phone numbers, and bought me a car which he wouldn't recognize. When I learned of his arrest soon thereafter, a mile away from my new residence and armed with a gun, the news that he had been diagnosed insane and committed to a mental institution did little to comfort my overwhelming fear that he would come back.
Over the next year, I directed my energy towards college, family, and friends - and a chance meeting with a sweet boy had re-sparked my jaded faith in love, when I encountered problems in basic math courses. Academic advisors referred me to a clinical psychologist for evaluation and I was formally diagnosed with several learning disabilities.
The diagnosis made me realize that I cannot expect everything to come easily for me. My disabilities produced in me a fervent desire to achieve academic success despite the odds against me. I have to work harder than others to achieve my goals, and I'm committed to putting forth that extra effort in an attempt to make up for what I naturally lack. Through dedication to educational development, university resources, and supportive loved ones, I am on my way to gain my bachelors degree from a competitive university despite this handicap.
Immediately following my diagnosis, and one week prior to receiving my associates degree, my life was changed upon learning that I was pregnant at twenty one. My boyfriend and I were both in school, broke, and terrified, but we accepted our new roles and responsibilities as young parents with faithful optimism regardless. After taking a year off school to work full time during my pregnancy, I went back to pursue a bachelor's degree as my new husband graduated and our son began to crawl.
Returning to college as a mother and wife has been challenging. My husband and family have rallied around me, alleviating domestic responsibilities and reminding me that imperfection is not a sign of weakness; thereby making it possible for me to bridge the person I am now with the things I have always hoped to accomplish. My degree will be testament to their contribution of kindness as well as a source of pride to my parents who were never allotted the opportunity of a higher education and my younger brother who dropped out of tenth grade.
Struggling with past victimization and overcome by the love that encompasses being a parent, I actively seek ways to defend the most defenseless. As a Guardian ad Litem volunteer, I advocate for children who are victims of abuse and neglect in court through investigation and formal repots at judicial proceedings. Separating children from their abusers and placing them in loving families through adoptions in my case work has allowed me to make a difference one child at a time.
I empathize with victims of emotional and physical abuse and feel obligated to take a stand in their name. I aspire to attend law school and study family law, thereby making it possible to assist others in improving their lives by building a strong familial support system through adoptions, custody arrangements, and marriage proceedings.
At twenty four, I have been able to consistently overcome obstacles alongside a support group. Hardships encountered have produced in me compassion and understanding of diverse people and experiences, and my exposure to varied branches of the justice system has grounded in me an appreciation of the legal process. I will make a good attorney because of my ability to balance employment, full time college enrollment, volunteering, and domestic responsibilities maturely, responsibly, and professionally. Stemming from my frustrations of not learning English until grade school, written and verbal communication have always been something I have strived for excellence in.
Alone we are weak, but with the support of those who love us, our burdens do not become such impossibilities, and we are then able to rise above whatever incapacitates us. Going on to study family law is the next step in my journey towards helping others.
Any criticisms (constructive or not) is much appreciated. I also need help deciding what to omit, as the length is exactly 3 pages double space and I'd like to shorten it a bit. I'll return the favor if anyone wants to email me their essays to edit.
My biggest problem is that I feel it is kind of "all over the place" -but I'm supposed to be addressing obstacles overcome and I guess I have quite a few. It is also supposed to cite why I want to attend law school and my qualifications for doing so. This is the first draft...
I watched as the palms thrashed about from the helicopter hovering above the house on Island Drive. While home over winter break, family dinner had been disrupted by sirens and a helicopter en route to our neighbors' home. As we stood outside watching the chaos, my father called his best friend, our tiny town's fire chief, to find out details about the incident.
Upon learning that the stranger held captive by her estranged husband had been a victim of murder-suicide, I cried. We'd never met, but I too had walked along that shameful path of hushed cries and violent secrets. While I would never go back, she was never able to escape.
I am lucky and I know why. My immigrant parents have always strived to teach me the importance of a close and supportive family, which was reiterated by our Hispanic heritage. When my family fled Cuba and settled in South Florida during the sixties, all they had was each other to ease the transition from old country to new life and language. At nineteen, I finally began to understand that a strong support system is essential to overcoming obstacles.
Three months prior, the five year relationship with my high school boyfriend became increasingly violent, culminating into in him pushing me down a flight of stairs outside our apartment, shattering my right elbow and dissipating my naïve notions of the world. 'Domestic violence victim' wasn't a term I could attach to myself, and I searched for the words to explain how this could have happened to someone like me.
Within hours of me calling, family had rushed across the state to help save me from the hell I had created for myself. When he began stalking me over the next several weeks, my parents moved me into a new apartment, changed my phone numbers, and bought me a car which he wouldn't recognize. When I learned of his arrest soon thereafter, a mile away from my new residence and armed with a gun, the news that he had been diagnosed insane and committed to a mental institution did little to comfort my overwhelming fear that he would come back.
Over the next year, I directed my energy towards college, family, and friends - and a chance meeting with a sweet boy had re-sparked my jaded faith in love, when I encountered problems in basic math courses. Academic advisors referred me to a clinical psychologist for evaluation and I was formally diagnosed with several learning disabilities.
The diagnosis made me realize that I cannot expect everything to come easily for me. My disabilities produced in me a fervent desire to achieve academic success despite the odds against me. I have to work harder than others to achieve my goals, and I'm committed to putting forth that extra effort in an attempt to make up for what I naturally lack. Through dedication to educational development, university resources, and supportive loved ones, I am on my way to gain my bachelors degree from a competitive university despite this handicap.
Immediately following my diagnosis, and one week prior to receiving my associates degree, my life was changed upon learning that I was pregnant at twenty one. My boyfriend and I were both in school, broke, and terrified, but we accepted our new roles and responsibilities as young parents with faithful optimism regardless. After taking a year off school to work full time during my pregnancy, I went back to pursue a bachelor's degree as my new husband graduated and our son began to crawl.
Returning to college as a mother and wife has been challenging. My husband and family have rallied around me, alleviating domestic responsibilities and reminding me that imperfection is not a sign of weakness; thereby making it possible for me to bridge the person I am now with the things I have always hoped to accomplish. My degree will be testament to their contribution of kindness as well as a source of pride to my parents who were never allotted the opportunity of a higher education and my younger brother who dropped out of tenth grade.
Struggling with past victimization and overcome by the love that encompasses being a parent, I actively seek ways to defend the most defenseless. As a Guardian ad Litem volunteer, I advocate for children who are victims of abuse and neglect in court through investigation and formal repots at judicial proceedings. Separating children from their abusers and placing them in loving families through adoptions in my case work has allowed me to make a difference one child at a time.
I empathize with victims of emotional and physical abuse and feel obligated to take a stand in their name. I aspire to attend law school and study family law, thereby making it possible to assist others in improving their lives by building a strong familial support system through adoptions, custody arrangements, and marriage proceedings.
At twenty four, I have been able to consistently overcome obstacles alongside a support group. Hardships encountered have produced in me compassion and understanding of diverse people and experiences, and my exposure to varied branches of the justice system has grounded in me an appreciation of the legal process. I will make a good attorney because of my ability to balance employment, full time college enrollment, volunteering, and domestic responsibilities maturely, responsibly, and professionally. Stemming from my frustrations of not learning English until grade school, written and verbal communication have always been something I have strived for excellence in.
Alone we are weak, but with the support of those who love us, our burdens do not become such impossibilities, and we are then able to rise above whatever incapacitates us. Going on to study family law is the next step in my journey towards helping others.
