NOTE:
My University has asked me to address following question in SOP. These are:
1)Ho well do your research interests fit with research being carried out in the department?
2)Do you have qualities of a good researcher and possess leadership qualities?
3)Have i made any contribution to diverse educational community?
4)If applicable please describe any hardships or obstacles that you have faced during your studies.
5)If applicable please describe you personal aspects that will enhance the diversity of University's students.
6)If applicable describe your personal history, experiences etc.
Can you please check the overall quality of SOP and tell if all the questions asked by University being addressed properly.
what triggered me to apply for this program?
SOP:
Walking down the memory lane, all I can recollect about myself is holding a book and a pen and trying to learn. The place where I come from is one where women's higher education is not treated as obligatory as their primary education is. So, over the time, I swam against the tides to accomplish my goals and have tried my finest to make my parents proud of me. Today, I feel much satisfied to be in a position where I serve as a paradigm for people around me to send their girls to colleges for higher education. None of what I have achieved so far would have mattered if I had made no difference in the opinion of people in my society. With the aspiration of changing the societal norms of rural areas of (Country name) I have the objective of completing PhD in Biomedical Engineering from AAA University and reaching the culminate point of being an accomplished researcher.
During my Higher Secondary Education it was the time I first learnt the real-world meaning of term hardships. My family was faced with financial issues and I had to change my school in the middle of my studies to cut finances. By that time, I had developed solid foundations in the sciences which motivated me for BS (Hons) in Zoology. Being a patient of night blindness, my parents were sceptical to send me to hostel for studies. But I knew that if I want to achieve my goals and alter the absurd decisions of people around me, I have to cling to my goals. As Robert H. Schuller once said, Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines, and I eventually graduated with cgpa 3.33/4. After completing undergraduate degree, I worked as a biology as a Chemistry teacher in a school to be able pay the fee for my future studies.
The experience in my undergraduate school was extraordinary and courses like Biotechnology and Industrial Microbiology which involved the combination of practical and theoretical experiences propelled me to pursue an advanced degree in Industrial Biotechnology. My master's degree at (College Name) at University Name commenced in 2015 where I studies nano-biotechnology and it's applications in drug delivery, biosensing and imaging. Apart from that I also studied a very interesting course "Contemporary Biology and Biotechnology for innovation. It gave me an insight about the current approaches used in the field of biotechnology like Gene knockdown and Gene knockout. In the last year of Master's degree I carried out a research project which involved determining potential anticancer activities of Diosgenin which is saponin derived from Fenugreek leaves while using AuNPs synthesized from algal biomass as drug delivery vehicles. I did not only provide the evidence of anticancer activities of Diosgenin but to my surprise those activities were enhanced by 18 folds when used with AuNPs. This research experience has expanded my skill subset to encompass techniques like FT-IR, Zeta Potential, MTT, SRB and cell scratch assays.
Apart from that, I have actively participated in different National level competitions notably (Name), (Name) and (Name) and presented the projects "YYY" and "XXX" and qualified to the last stages of these competitions. These competitions have boosted my confidence and have also improved my presentation and communication skills. I was also, the member of organizing team of my department for a national level competition for research projects in (Country name) i.e. (Name) held in AAA in 2016. Due to my exquisite handling techniques of algal biomass used of synthesis of AuNPs, my supervisor assigned me a side project of BBB Company for growing and harvesting the algal biomass on industrial waste and I successfully managed to produce constructive results for that project. I completed my Master's degree at the top of my class with a cgpa 3.75/4.
AAAA University's exceptional program in Bio-nanotechnology has triggered me to apply for it graduate program. The conclusive results of my master's thesis project and the alarming rate of cancer patients in my village and in (Country name) in general, as stated by IARC (WHO) that in 2018 cancer was a cause to kill 100,000 people in (Country Name) and 9,555,027 people in the whole world overall has motivated me to continue my research work on nanomaterials for applications in targeted drug delivery for cancer treatment. I want to bolster my knowledge in the field by working on in-vivo cancer models and determine the mechanism of cellular internalization and trafficking of nanoparticles by amalgamating modern approaches in field of Biology, Engineering and Chemistry. At AAA university I also hope to develop a better understanding of the properties of nanostructures with the aim of developing efficient tools and techniques for targeted delivery, imaging and biosensing. I believe that Biomedical Engineering department at AAA for pursuing PhD is the best choice for me for the reason that research projects notably "Project Name" in Kim lab under the tutelage of (1st Prof. Name) and research interests of (2nd Prof Name) are directly aligned to my area of interest. Getting admission in AAA will give me an opportunity to work on my projects of my interests and study under the supervision and guidance of such top researchers in my field meanwhile fulfilling my lifelong dream of being the first PhD degree holder in my town. I have a self-driven and motivational personality. Throughout my life I never fulfilled my hunger for knowledge and achieving higher goals. Therefore, Ph.D. will provide me an opportunity to further explore my knowledge thus, fulfilling my goal of reaching the culminate point of being an accomplished researcher in the field of biomedical engineering.
Following my PhD, I aim to join a cancer research center and establish my own research lab where I will be able to continue my research in the field and play my part in the efforts to end the sufferings of cancer patients. I believe that scientific research which cannot be employed for the welfare of society is futile. So, I will make the best use of my education, experience and time to produce the prolific results.@AGeek
Hey, thanks for coming to the forum! I hope my feedback helps you out.
First and foremost, the first paragraph appears to be rather flimsy when it comes to answering the main questions that were presented to you by the university. I heavily recommend that you stick with writing content that's concise and clear in trying to lay out the details, especially because anything that goes far from this can be rather off-putting for your writing. For instance, move the last sentence of the paragraph to the first one - this will give your writing a lore more direction because the readers won't be left on hold.
Furthermore, I think that you should work on enhancing the formality of your writing. If we take a glance at the second paragraph, it is obvious how you were unable to utilize a more academic formatting when you're trying to lay on the table your background details. Incorporating the appropriate punctuation marks will help you become a lot more substantive in the long-run.
Work on balancing out the lengths of your paragraphs too for the same purpose. The second to the last paragraph is too lengthy, especially in comparison to the conclusion - which, I argue, is the most critical part of writing and shouldn't be left hanging loosely.
