The field of health care, especially physicians, embodies a wonderful unity of high academic merit

Just a first draft. Let me know what you guys think!

The best part about being a physician is getting the opportunity to grow in the areas of science and humanism. The field of health care, especially physicians, embodies a wonderful unity of high academic excellence as well as a compassionate human touch. There is a great sense of satisfaction that comes out of the harmony of this duality and that is my primary motivation to become a doctor.

The spark for my scientific learning began in high school. Since entering a competition called "Brain Bee", wherein I had to learn facts about the brain and answer questions in a spelling bee type format, I realized that the brain was relatively undiscovered. Recent surge in the field of neuroscience has spurred numerous advances in understanding this all important organ but there are still too many unanswered questions. The mind is what shapes a human being; it is what makes one individual different from the other and despite being so important it is relatively an enigma. This frustrated me, intrigued me, and ultimately started my pursuit of knowledge. It was also in high school when I met Aamro, who was a student in my choir class. Aamro was on the more severe side of the autism spectrum disorders and could barely speak or comprehend English. But that did not stop him from singing. In fact, he understood the language of music better than the rest of us. He would always sing with utmost pride and start jumping and clapping with the audience when the performance was over. Music provided him an outlet that language could not. He did not have to worry about articulation, grammar and syntax; he just had to stick to the melody. It was then that I realized Aamro was just like all of us. He enjoyed singing as much as we did but we were able to put our joy into words while he could not. When I learned that life after high school for Aamro was just a blank space I was angry. We are just as responsible for understanding him as he is responsible for understanding us and the world around him and it is on us to provide more resources for him. My encounter with Aamro was what truly pushed me into the field of neuroscience. I wanted to see what Aamro saw; I wanted to learn how he learned things. These realizations lead me to my current major and drive me to continue studying.

Unlike my passion for neuroscience, there was no incident in my life that particularly directed me to the humanities. However, every group I have chosen to be a part of has had something to do with interpersonal relationships, whether it was as a resident assistant (RA), a preceptor, a volunteer, or as a club president. My motivation to take on these tasks was different for each activity but I did know one thing: I did not want to be a face in a sea of faces. Instead, I wanted to be a part of something where there was enough room for me to grow and help others grow. As an RA I have helped my residents overcome their social inhibitions. As a preceptor I have helped my students cross their academic hurdles. As a volunteer I have helped children fight their inner demons. As a president I have helped lead my group into competitions. However, when I started all of these roles I was just as lost as the people I was trying to help. It was really their input, their accomplishments, and their words of encouragement that equipped me with the skills to do all the aforementioned things. I understood that if I give with true intentions, I will always receive twofold. This is why I keep giving and try to take on more leadership roles.

So far, the spheres of humanities and science have been separate in my world. While I have enjoyed both separately, I want to experience the combination of both which is what medicine offers. This is the reason why I want to become a physician.

Here's my review of your essay. It is a very interesting read and good example of a statement of purpose or personal statement :-)

- Strong start. Good thesis.


- Recent surges ... despite being so important , it is a ...


- This should be a totally separate paragraph because it refers to a totally different topic.


- This is a very inspiring and compelling paragraph. It certainly helps to strengthen your personal statement.


- Again, this is a statement that accurately answers your reasons for studying humanities even though you may not realize it :-) Good job!


- This is a strong conclusion supported by your previous statements. You can still develop the conclusion a bit more, but that would depend upon the prompt provided.

If you wrote this as a personal statement or a statement of purpose, then you should give yourself a pat on the back for doing a fantastic job on the essay :-)