I am in the process of applying for masters in information system in several universities. Could you please read my SOP and give me some feedback on it.
Also, some universities want the SOP to be of only 500 words, so is there any topic in my SOP that you think I should completely eliminate since my SOP is about 1100 words right now.
Thanks a lot for your help. I need all the support I can get to get into a good school.
Statement of Purpose - Masters in Information System
Indonesia, the country where I was born, is very close to my heart. My father moved to Indonesia to work as a senior business analyst in a textile company and for the next fifteen years, I heard stories about how inadequate Indonesia's database system was. Information and Communication Technology (ICT) had penetrated only about 20% and was prevalent only in richer parts of Java. The government has formed various committees such as The National Information and Communications Technology Council Indonesia and has also initiated various programs such as the Palapa Ring Project to provide strategic direction towards Indonesia's IT development. However, these initiatives are facing issues such as the lack of technology transfer due to short of IT specialists. Lack of English capability makes it difficult to compete with resources in India and China. I believe that Indonesia can grab the opportunities by inviting trained professionals who are linked to global players in their research, training institutes and offices. I strongly believe that my Masters degree from ____ will give me the qualities and capability to help overcome the technology transfer obstacle in Indonesia. My graduate degree in _____ will help me become a business analyst in the IT industry and in the long term venture into technology management consultation to help Indonesia master the technology to compete with the developed countries that have moved on to a more advanced technology. I wish to form innovative strategies to initiate various database system ventures in the public sector and help increase IT education funds to help in the development of world class science and technology universities. A Masters in ___ from ____ would be the crucial step in achievement of my goals.
As I moved to India after my first year of High School, I saw the country rapidly adapting to the trend of globalization and understood that for a country to have the most technologically based economy, it is very essential to understand the business side of the future world. I wanted to learn about the current developments and techniques in finance, financial markets and financial applications to clearly understand how technology affects the business world. This fascination of mine encouraged me to learn and acquire hands on experience of financial analysis in college.
Therefore, I pursued my bachelor's degree in accounting and my minor in Finance from Purdue University, a school with a reputation for excellence in terms of its business programs, without sacrificing my dedication towards Information Systems by taking courses such as Programming in C, Programming in C++, Programming in Java, Digital systems design, Organizational computers and Management & Information Systems. My hard work and dedication enabled me to remain in the top 5% of my batch which helped me receive semester honors from fall 2007 to fall 2009. I graduated with a total of 150 credit hours which has allowed me to get a head start in becoming a CPA. I am currently preparing for CPA exam with Becker Professional Education and have plans to clear all my exams by August 2011.
I was also offered to tutor students undertaking courses such as management accounting, intermediate accounting, algebra, precalculus and calculus I & II. Answering all the trivial to the conceptual questions students had required a great sense of judgment about each student's level of understanding and their background. My experience as a tutor helped me develop an analytical and logical approach to solving all problems which, I feel, is indispensable in becoming a successful analyst.
Currently, I am also working for Robotic Systems Integration (RSI), an engineering firm in downtown Chicago, as an accounting intern. My main function was to record routine entries and verified purchase orders and invoices for motion control hardware products such as drives, motors, controller cards and associated cables. My strong work ethics and leadership attitude allowed me to get directly involved with customers and vendors from various industries in different countries such as USA, China, Korea and Italy. I was able to work well under pressure and carried out all the tasks successfully in a thorough and precise manner. My interest and proficiency in creating and managing database applications, gave me the opportunity to consolidate the entire RSI's motors database and develop a front end application to access and maintain the database easily.
My ability to analyze needs and create unique solutions have proven to be my greatest assets which can be highlighted during my research work on Auditing course (MGMT 506) with Professor Scott Sorensen . He appreciated my enthusiasm to learn and gave me the opportunity to help him replace the current project with a case study so future students needs will be better served. I Explored alternatives for current course project (System Understanding Aid) taught in MGMT 506 (Auditing) and recommended 'Integrated Audit Practice Case' by Kerr, Elder & Arens to help students better understand auditing standards, auditor's responsibilities, audit strategies and risk assessment procedures. To stay at pace with the technologically advanced world, I recommended Intuit Quick Books to aid future students gain exposure in real world accounting practices. The challenge of presenting a report on my research was that it had to be elegant while being concise and extremely accurate, and also take into consideration students concern with adapting the new system.
I have indulged in many extracurricular activities in school I have represented my school in inter-school athletic competitions and been awarded many times. My leadership qualities have led me to become the captain of my house and I have seized the trophy for my house in marching and several dramatic and dance competitions. My interest in nature and travel has also helped me appreciate different cultures and maintain a positive attitude which made it possible for me to cope with changing environments five times during four years of high school.
I strongly believe that every citizen should have the responsibility to give back to the society by helping the less fortunate populace. I have done my part by working on a voluntary basis as a teacher and counselor to elementary children in Engineer's Enclave orphanage. It has been one of the most fulfilling endeavors of my life.
An education through ____ University will help me to achieve my goals, through your exemplary curriculum in my subjects of interest and its well-known research department. I am looking forward to learning and discovering new topics that will mold me into becoming a more knowledgeable person. My motto in life has always been, 'Try and try harder till you succeed'. And I promise to continue that to achieve all that I want in life. I hold ____ in high esteem, as an intuition known to breed leaders and innovators. Personally, I firmly believe that the university will mold me into a leader in information technology through my exposure to the best educators and professionals in the field.
I think the beginning of the first para is awesome... but it will be great if you can INTRIGUE the reader at the very beginning, before you hit them with all that information. Do that, and all the info you force them to read will make them more invested in you (in a good way).
As I moved to India after my first year of High School, I saw the country
Do not capitalize high school when you are not actually naming the school.
These sentences below are "fluff" -- things that are obvious and better left out. Let the reader draw the conclusions.
This fascination of mine encouraged me to learn and acquire hands on experience of financial analysis in college.
My experience as a tutor helped me develop an analytical and logical approach to solving all problems which, I feel, is indispensable in becoming a successful analyst.
And here is a long part you can cut:
I have indulged in many extracurricular activities in school I have ...
I have done my part by working on a voluntary basis as a teacher and counselor to elementary children in Engineer's Enclave orphanage. ---cool!!
You are great, I'm sure you'll do well. I cut the extra curricular stuff because it is more powerful to be totally focused on the purpose and show them how driven you are. This is good writing!