What goals do you have for yourself, including both personal and professionals goals?

great education, big job, business in India

My home country is a developing country, so software development is not good. My ultimate goal is to assist in the process that brings to the world standard to the software development of the country. Therefore, I should complete next three goals.

First, I need world class education. Higher education helps me in my career and I meet very interesting many international students. They increase my circle of acquaintances and I learn a lot from them. For that reason, I will successfully graduate the university by master's degree.

My second goal is to work on one of the World's largest tech companies. There are three reasons. The first is that I learn a lot from them. Finally, I will become experienced one. The second one is that I get to work with lots of clever people. They motivate me and I can see very good ideas and solutions. The last one is high salary. I don't like thinking about money. I want to focus more important things, for example, the family and work. High salary helps these situations.

At last, I will come back my home country and develop my startup business that helps in the development of the country.

I think you shouldn't add a comma in the first sentence, before so. I should complete the next three goals. I recommend you to use firstly, secondly, thirdly so it is easy to follow. Higher education helps my career. Many interesting international students. I've learned. with the master degree. You should avoid using "tech" as it is the short written of the word "technology" as we need to be formal in writing

@munkhjin23 are you applying for an undergraduate course or a masters degree? Your essay is not very understandable. There is no development of your personal and professional goals. Only a statement of fact. You need to clearly explain your goals, both personal and professional in every paragraph so that the reviewer will understand what exactly you ambition to achieve in the future. All of the discussions that you present in this essay are related to professional goals. You do not have any personal goals indicated. No, your personal goals and your career goals are never the same thing. The personal goals are related to your personal development outside of the workplace. The professional goals relate to your work and future professional progress. In my opinion, You need to write a totally new essay that represents only 2 paragraphs. The first paragraph will represent your personal growth goals. Explain how additional studies will help expose you to an ideal personal growth. The second paragraph should indicate only 1 career goal. Not multiple career goals that you cannot explain to the reviewer, as is the case with your current presentation. Think of your short term career goal based upon the course that you hope to enroll in at the moment. Discuss that as your professional goal instead.

I don't think that essay is appreciated if you apply for university. It is too simple, you should add more detail about your plan not general like that.

I think your draft is good, but you need to polish it a little bit more.For instance, your paragraphs are really short.Another thing is, if I were in your shoes, I would focus on one or two goals and explain them in depth.you have just listed all your goal with out any explanation.Finally, your conclusion is short as well.