I am applying to graduate school at UIC for the MSA program. I don't know what else to say. Can someone please review my essay for me? This is what I have so far...
For the last couple years, I have been interested in accounting and finance. My interest in pursuing this field stems from several factors which have affected me and my ultimate career choice. First, at Columbia College Chicago I took Accounting I and Finance courses. These course and my professors showed me how I could apply accounting and finance to my life, career, fashion situations, and my future businesses. I acquire the skill to learn new skills quickly and. I am also very independent and many occasions in college I have taught myself various chapters in various subjects; such as retail buying, in order to remain ahead of the class. Second, my father working for JP Morgan Chase as an account executive, I have grown up being aware of how finances affect one's way of living and why being financial stable is important. I have always been good with money and numbers. Math is and always will be my favorite subject. Thirdly, I am fascinated by math, fashion, and retail. I believe, through the study of accounting, I can effectively satisfy my interest in these fields and ultimately achieve my goals.
To continue, most of my spare is taken up by my part time jobs as a teacher's aide in the Science and Math Department of Columbia College Chicago. I have been working as a teacher's aide since September 2011 and am one of only few aides that go above and beyond the job requirements. I am seen more as a manager to new hires, This is an advantage for me as I can offer the highest level of customer service and have a good knowledge of the overall running of an office, which makes me committed, reliable and adaptable as I have found that I need to adjust myself to the many changes that have occurred over the course of me being employed there. My job has also taught me to be more tolerable and patient with others while setting an example to other employees that look up to me. I have managed to make a bit of progress in my career. I have interned for JD Vincent, who is a visual merchandising consultant for tradeshows. I have interned for Bloomingdale's as a Visual Merchandising Intern. I have also started working as a Floorset Associate at the Limited, Inc. Even with all of these things going on in my life, I still managed to graduate early from Columbia College Chicago. Ultimately my experience in retail and my fashion course led me to want to attend UIC for graduate school.UIC has number 1 ranked MBA program in the country and I am convinced that I will be well- prepared for a business career in accounting. Although having a degree in Fashion Business is helpful and I learned a lot about how to open a successful business, I find myself wanting to do more. I think having an MSA in Accounting would further help me as a businesswoman in today's multitasking workforce.
With my degree in Fashion Business and Retail Management from Columbia College Chicago, I plan on being an entrepreneur. My short-term goal is to be an Accountant for a popular retail company; such as Nasty Gal, Inc. From there, I would like to open my own online retail company because I find it difficult to find clothing that is of good quality and has a good price. I would like to offer customers all the women's streetwear and indie brands they seek, but at a reasonable price and less markup. Also, I would like to open a beauty bar on the Southside of Chicago due to the fact there are not any business that have hair, makeup, and nails with the beauty bar concept on the Southside of Chicago.
Overall, the essay is written well. The structure makes sense and the intentions are noble. I would, however, suggest adding personal examples from your childhood. I have always found that if I begin an essay or speech with something humorous from my past, it breaks the ice. Additionally, adding personal examples (not just what you want to do in life) would add a unique flare to your essay.
I see a long resume versus an essay. Again, well composed, but you should add humor into this. I see numerous instances where you could fit a childhood memory that would compliment your internships or interest in fashion. While the tone of this essay is not dark, it isn't necessarily happy either. You should provide the reader with a refreshing vista into your life with more creative writing (add more colorful adjectives, for example).