MSc in Accounting and Finance - extended personal statement

Hi
i have written this personal statement for or a premasters or an extended postgraduate degree in accounting and finance hope you could help.

commencing studies in accounting and finance

Finance and accounting complement one another when accounting looks at organizations past performance finance looks into the future through long term planning and forecasting. Organizations that execute unbiased financial analysis demolish risks and secure upcoming profits. I believe that sufficient learning from a postgraduate degree along with the experience I gained from banking sector will qualify me to become a unique risk analyst in the competitive department of risk.

I found my mind and soul drawn to finance after working in the banking sector. Finance was an extension of all the experiences I have gained at the university and the time spent during my working years. From the time I have graduated till now, I choose to accentuate myself by taking finance related courses one after another like: operational risk management, business planning, corporate finance, portfolio management, financial reporting and analysis, money laundering, as well as self-development courses in leadership. Eventually I decided it was time for me to take my interest to the next level and study finance and accounting in a detailed approach.

My job involved a lot of aspects from advising customers how to make substantial profits based on income and financial obligations to granting loans. Continuous development and reading on financial measures like discounted cash flow, discount rates, and inflation rate gave me the propensity to evaluate the present value of money. Subsequently perform long and short-term money allocation plans for affluent customers. In addition to this, I granted loans and saw how customers are assessed based on their credit score. How the value of loans is put down in amortization schedule. This work environment has definitely provoked me in different ways starting from my personal and managerial skills hiking my financial skills, however; I feel that I am insatiable to learn more and enhance these skills.

Paving the way towards becoming a manager can't be done without comprehensive knowledge. What has indeed inspired me to study postgraduate course is my dream to become the manager of the risk department in the banking sector. The creation a well-informed risk analyst in the beginning would be plunged by studying a Master's in Accounting and Finance. I believe that coursework, group discussions and professional instructions will definitely grant me a wider vision of risk and eventually alter managerial levels.

It's important to mention my grades at the undergraduate level. I stumbled in my undergraduate university studies at xxx University; however, this doesn't mean I was incapable of understanding or applying the material taught. I wasn't like that as high school student or at my university in xxxx where achieved the second highest grades amongst all students in my course. The main reason for these low grades was that both of my parents went through several operations throughout my study period. I had no option but to care for them. As years went, I became a rigid person who is much stronger, capable of regulating problems, and determined to reach the goals set more than ever.

In conclusion, studying in the UK my undergraduate degree in xxxx provoked me to commence further studies in accounting and finance. Knowing how the UK education system works will enable me to choose subjects that best meet my interest and ambitions. Thereof, studying an MSc will highly boost my existing experience and qualify me to become an elite risk analyst. As risk analyst most substantial asset is identifying and eliminating risks.

I hope that my credentials will persuade you to consider me for the course. Look forward to hearing from you soon.

Noha, the first and third paragraphs may be removed from this essay without affecting the overall presentation. Those information do not fit in the presentation of a personal statement. The personal statement should contain only the following information in paragraph form:

1. The evolution of your interest in accounting and finance
2. The motivation for your interest in higher studies
3. The reasons why you feel that the university you have chosen will best suit your future plans and academic goals.

You have paragraphs 2,4,5 with which to restart this essay. Those paragraphs, when revised will be excellent additions to the personal statement. Once the 3 paragraphs I previously mentioned are added, you will have a very solid new draft with which to work with or, use automatically because that will most likely be the strongest presentation pattern for your essay.

thank you so much for your advice. I really appreciate it.
I will start by preparing 2 other paragraphs other than the ones you suggested to omit and see how i get on from there.
thank you so much again :)

@Holt
I managed to make a new paragraph hope you can give me your opinion on it
and will it be enough with the other 3 paragraphs ?
thank you so much again for helping

One of the core requirements of master's degree is research which I find myself superior at. My curiosity towards finance will advocate me to seek accurate information which will expand my learning experience. Moreover, I find independent research a key to a successful risk analyst carrying out comprehensive investigation on competitive organizations performance and the business arena. For instance, an analyst that runs sensitivity analysis puts various expectations for future cash flows and discount rate to be able to better assess the profitability of projects. The implementation of these scenarios should always be supported by rigorous research to lower risks.