This is not actually for my postgrad application (I'm already accepted, yay!), but rather for a place in a postgrad residence in London, Goodenough College. I've never had to write an essay like this before, so I'm a little apprehensive about it. Any suggestions will do since I'm not even sure if I've approached the question correctly. Should I have focused more on my goals for the future instead of things I've done in the past? I mean, what does one contribute to a community aside from a friendly demeanor and lust for life? Anyway, here's the question:
Your ability to contribute to the College community is as important as your academic achievements. Please indicate in about 500 typewritten words what form your contribution will take and how this reflects you motivation for joining the College and your current interests.
I am an active participant in life. Since I was a toddler I've had an insatiable thirst for knowledge and adventure, which has translated into a life in which I enjoy travel, studies, and a great many clubs and activities. What interests me most about life in Goodenough College is the vast number of clubs to join and the opportunity to interact with people of so many cultures. I want to be able to make the most of my time in London, and I think it's that enthusiasm and determination that will be my biggest contribution to the College community.
During my undergraduate studies, I was a member of several clubs and teams, and I hope to do the same in London. I was a staff member of the North American Model United Nations, Canada's oldest model UN. I chaired the Disarmament and International Security Committee on the topics of nuclear disarmament and small arms and coordinated the historical Security Council's Suez Canal crisis simulation. Aside from NAMUN, I also participated in Trinity College's debate club, which also bears the distinction of being the oldest in Canada, and Gin and Bridge Society. Outside of my College, I had the pleasure of playing percussion in the Hart House Symphonic Band for two years, but to this day my favourite performance was my first, in which we played Holst's Jupiter and Mars.
I have always loved to travel, and speaking foreign languages is something I take great pride in, having studied French, Italian, and Japanese in my undergraduate career. It was partially because of this love of language that led me to teach English in Japan for fourteen months. In Japan I immersed myself in a culture entirely foreign to me and loved it. I began to experience life in a more Japanese way, seeing beauty in the simplicity of nature while living life in a very fast paced and electric society. The time I spent in Hiroshima and Gunma prefectures left me with a profound love of Japanese culture, as well as the thirst to discover other cultures in the same way. Goodenough College is a wellspring of diversity that I long take full advantage of.
While I work to achieve my goals this year in my masters course, I want to get all I can out of my student life in London. I am a very enthusiastic person and an avid joiner who makes friends easily, so I think I would be a wonderful addition to the Goodenough community. I could be another bright thread in the fabric of College life.
I don't think it help to say you were adventurous as a toddler, since all toddlers are sort of adventurous. It will be good if you start describing the contribution you will make right at the start of the essay. I see that you name enthusiasm and determination at the end of that first para, and that is great, but how about connecting them to your chosen field of study and vision of the future rather than describing them as qualities from your childhood.
Also, abstract concepts are only one part of it. Add to these concepts an actual contribution -- action you will take. I see that cultural and linguistic factors are strengths for you, too, so how about talking about cultivating enthusiasm and determination among diverse students, transcending cultural barriers and sharing your intellectual enthusiasm, ans especially your enthusiasm about your chosen field.
:-)
