Hi Everyone,
I have written a letter of motivation for applying for Masters Degree in Electrical Engineering. I would appreciate any modifications or suggestions. Please be very critical and give your opinion freely. Any advice is appreciated. Also, I feel I have to reduce the word count. Could you suggest how it can be achieved without omitting any of the content?
Thanks in advance. Looking forward to your replies :)
Regards,
vid.
" Knowledge will bring you the opportunity to make a difference. " - Claire Fagin
I have always been keen in the pursuit of knowledge from a young age, and the notion of learning new technologies always fascinated me. Being brought up in a family of Professors, education had always played a vital role in my life. As one of the top students in school and always encouraged to strive towards excellence, it was my passion for science and technology that led me to pursue Electrical Engineering for my Bachelor's degree.
However, I did not limit myself to the prescribed course work, but studied its relevance in society. I realized the significance of Power Generation in XXX, with more than one third of the rural population without electricity. Being a member of a non-profit organization, I was exposed to the lack of infrastructure in the many villages of my country, and these experiences motivated and provided the necessary incentive to help in installing solar panels in these localities. These activities left an indelible impression on me, inspiring the desire to pursue the study of Power Generation and Transmission, in the hope to contribute my knowledge to make a difference in society.
To further augment my knowledge, I attended various national and international conferences in this discipline, including a three day seminar on the Development and Implementation of Different Forms of Renewable Energy, jointly conducted by XXX and YYY, where I discovered the fascinating world of Renewable and Sustainable Energy, including its practical implementations and the plethora of opportunities that existed in this domain.
My insatiable interest for exploring new avenues in the field of Energy and Power Generation, and the unrelenting desire for witnessing practical implementations in this domain, spurred me on to undertake an internship at XXXXX. I learnt about the design and functionality of different processes in a Thermal Power Plant and was exposed to the principles of Alternators, Power Tranformers, Distribution Station and transmission lines. Additionally, the environmental impact of Coal-based Power Stations, coupled with the precautions taken by the Indian Government to minimize environmental impact, especially interested me.
My second internship in XXXX, provided me with hands on experience regarding the construction of different parts of AC and DC traction motors. I got an opportunity to witness the design and construction of locomotives for Indian Railways, with demonstrations of the various braking systems utilized and their functionalities.
Thus, my enthusiasm for research based studies strengthened, and for my final year project, I was successful in implementing "Microcontroller based Bi-Directional Digital Counter", a model to control the utilization of electricity based on the number of people present in a room. To further enrich my penchant for this field, I participated in numerous presentations and seminars conducted in college.
Ultimately, all these activities helped me develop a thorough insight into my subjects, thus enabling me to be in the second position in my department, for which I was awarded from my Department.
Currently, I am working in XXXXX, as an YYYY since March 2012. The corporate environment incorporated in me the qualities of self-learning, accountability for prescribed work and also the timely completion of allotted tasks; values which I feel will be instrumental during my higher education. I have good knowledge of C, C++, Java, J2EE and other technologies, with certifications in Java and C# from XXXXX, a public sector Research and Development enterprise . This knowledge will help me to develop programs related to simulation and automatic control of electric circuits.
To further enhance my learning, I have obtained A1 level certification in French and Spanish, and am pursuing A2 level French from the XXXX.
Today, I perceive that life for me has been a process of conscious evolution, and my decision to pursue higher education has strengthened. I believe that knowledge in the Generation and Utilization of Energy sustainably can have an immense impact in society today, and it is with this intention that I aim to pursue XXXX and later continue to obtain a Ph.D degree. Being guided by prominent professors from leading Universities , will not only help me learn from the best faculty, but also expose me to the latest technology and research facilities, and will be significant for my future career in research and would provide me a better opportunity to serve society for a sustainable future. I believe that I possess the required tenacity and motivation to pursue my goals with sincerity, and that, given the opportunity, I will not hesitate in my endeavour to attain my utmost potential to the best of my ability, to utilize the resources available with sincere dedication, and, hence, secure my position in the field of Science and Technology.
After reading your essay, my overall impression is admiration for your achievements and your extensive preparation for the higher education. Your writing is very good and smooth. You articulate very well your background, your passion, your preparation and your goal to pursue higher education. Your vocabulary is properly academic, which makes your essay professional. I love your vocabulary you utilized so much. How much I love your SOP!
However, I suggest you shouldn't stuff a lot of information in just one sentence, which makes it long and incredibly hard for the reader to follow the stream of your ideas. Sometimes it takes time and effort to understand what you are trying to articulate.
For example,
Being guided by prominent professors from leading Universities , will not only help me learn from the best faculty, but also expose me to the latest technology and research facilities, and will be significant for my future career in research and would provide me a better opportunity to serve society for a sustainable future
2 ideas stuffed and make hard to me to follow. Your sentence is incredibly long. Also, You use the commas improperly. My suggestion is:
Being guided by prominent professors from leading Universities will not only help me learn from the best faculty but also exposes me to the latest technology and research facilities. Plus, it will be significant for my future career in research and would provide me with a better opportunity to serve society for a sustainable future.hope it helps :)
You use way too many big words to express your interest in technology - words like "insatiable", "unrelenting", and "penchant". Also, no one cares that you like electrical engineering. Isn't that something that every student pursuing your degree would say? All of them would tout their qualifications too.
Basically, you've presented a cliche essay in which you use outlandish adjectives to bolster your credibility while simultaneously sucking up to the awesomeness of your university. You're not a bad writer - your topic is simply overused and sub-par.
I'd like to see you write an essay where you share why this degree is necessary for you to achieve some goal of changing the world through implementing some technology. Every student likes their major, has done internships, and feels that their university is the best. Very few students can say "I have this plan and your masters program is what I need to get there".
This essay is about motivation, so if I was admitting you to the program I'd like to see why you want to get the degree. I could care less if you'd enjoy it or not - I want to see what you plan on doing with it. What you plan on doing with it should be your motivation, not your interest in the topic. Colleges want to have graduates that do great things in the world. You won't present yourself as special by sounding smart and listing all of your experience. You'll be special when you deviate from the status quo and present your career goals, your motivation for those goals, and why the master's program is something you need to get where you want/need to go.
I have no doubt that you'll be accepted into this program, even if you do submit this essay. It's better than most I've seen but you could still make it extraordinary.
Thanks Th25cc for your invaluable information.
I do agree with you points. Also, the problem with the SOP is that its too long. I am supposed to write the SOP in 250-300 words, and I have crossed the word limit many times over. I have modified the SOP and would love any advice and suggestions. However, I still am about 100 words too long and am unsure as to what I should delete. Any suggestion is welcome .
"Knowledge will bring you the opportunity to make a difference." - Claire Fagin
As a child, I recall studying in the light of a candle, as the burgeoning energy deficiency in my country, India, made frequent power cuts a norm - childhood adversities that laid the foundation for my interest in Electrical Engineering.
Being among the best students in school and college, however, did not deter me from being actively involved outside class. Installing solar panels in remote villages as a member of a non-profit organization, made me realize the enormous potential of renewable energy, and its immense impact on society.
My interest in subjects such as Electrical Machines, Electric Power Systems and Control Systems, influenced me to pursue an internship in XXXX, an Indian public sector enterprise. I studied the complex mechanisms involved in the generation and transmission of electric power utilizing alternators, turbines, power transformers and distributing stations, and the environmental impact of coal-based power plants with incorporation of mechanisms to control it.
The internship at YYYY, the country's largest locomotive manufacturing firm, introduced me to the mechanisms for constructing and manufacturing D.C and three-phase induction motors, including the design of stators and rotors.
These experiences left a profound impact, motivating me to attend national and international conferences, including a three day seminar on Development and Implementation of Different Forms of Renewable Energy, conducted by the prestigious XXXX and YYYY. Thus, I was able to discover the fascinating world of Sustainable Energy, its practical implementations and plethora of opportunities. My tryst with Centre for Development for Advanced Computing(C-DAC), a public sector Research and Development enterprise, spurred me on to continue pursuing higher education and finally aim for a career in research.
The XXXX programme, with its multinational setting, renowned professors and modern facilities for research, will provide me with the opportunity to explore the vast domain of Renewable Energy and help develop commercially viable solutions to provide access of energy to all. I believe my professional experience at XXXX, which instilled in me the capability to work in a multi-cultural team, coupled with my industrial training in Electrical Power Generation and knowledge of Spanish and French, will be an advantage in the Electrical Systems specialization and mobility scheme. Given the opportunity, I will not hesitate in my endeavour to utilize the resources available with sincere dedication and attain my utmost potential to the best of my ability.
My greatest achievement was perhaps witnessing the sheer ecstasy in children's faces when the first solar panel was installed in the sole primary school of a village. As Margaret Fuller rightly says, "If you have knowledge, let others light their candles in it." - I sincerely hope that I will be able to make this difference, and that this programme will be its launching pad.
