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LSE. You must present a personal statement with your application form, between 1,000 and 1,500 words



Zak Cannon 1 / -  
Feb 11, 2017   #1
Hello, I would really appreciate some feedback, criticism or general comments of my personal statement to the London School of Economics to study MSc Risk & Finance, so can improve upon it. Thank you in advance for any comments.

LSE - You must submit a personal statement with your application form. This should be between 1,000 and 1,500 words. It should describe your academic interests and your purpose and objectives in undertaking graduate study. (The word count for my essay is 1150)

London School of Economics personal statement



Banks are essential components of a prosperous economy. Today's modern society has been sculpted and enriched through the development of the banking system. The extension of available credit has acted as a catalyst for growth while contributing towards the universal reduction of poverty. However, banking's fundamental role within the global economy provides a ubiquitous exposure to their failings, and disturbingly, the consequences of failure consistently befall the poor and vulnerable above those directly responsible. I consider this to be the basis of my deep passion for the subject and one of the many reasons I wish to study risk and finance at the highest level.

My undergraduate degree of Banking and Finance has enabled me to develop a profound understanding in numerous areas of finance, two of my current modules have indubitably reaffirmed my desire to study risk in combination with finance: Risk Management in Banking & Insurance and Corporate Financial Management. The former is providing me with an in-depth knowledge of the types of risks that financial institutions face, including: strategic, reputational, operational, financial, and compliance-related risks. As well as processes, products and the evaluation of risk through VaR. The latter providing a comprehensive analysis of the theory and practicalities of investment which includes: Capital Asset Pricing Model (CAPM), cash flow valuation, portfolio theory, capital structure and dividend policy.

Upon starting university, I began supplementing my theoretical understanding by building an equity portfolio, enabling me to better understand the practical side of investment. I have found great satisfaction in the development of my corporate knowledge and analytical skills through the researching and analysis of small capital equities, while also developing a greater awareness of the risks individual investors face.

As a result of my engagement within finance and investment, I secured an internship at Gaotime, an international financial information service provider based in Shanghai, China. My role as a business and financial analyst enabled me to immerse myself within China's workplace culture, strengthen my interpersonal skills and come to understand multiple aspects of Chinese culture. My work researching the commodities market coincided with the commodity crash of 2015, the crash was caused by the speculation surrounding China's economic slowdown, and it was captivating to witness such a rare development from that extraordinary perspective. I also earned a unique opportunity to work for Microsoft's sister company Wicrosoft, and then Microsoft. After initially being asked to provide evening English classes to Wicrosoft employees I was requested to do a narrative part for a Microsoft application tutorial. The process helped me to be more patient, open-minded, and it was gratifying to contribute towards a high-profile company's project.

After completing an investment based internship, I sought to develop my understanding of the practical side of risk within a bank. In the summer of 2016, I joined Handelsbanken as an account management support intern. Handelsbanken's unique culture initially caught me off guard, the relaxed team-orientated tone was very different to that of Gaotime's somewhat frenzied approach, but I really appreciated the unity and alliance between staff, and it really made me aware of how different corporate cultures can impact our behavior, the way we conduct work and how we solve challenges. After a few weeks, I was entrusted with managing the transition of external credit card provider for the branch, as the bank moved from HSBC to Lloyds. The task provided invaluable experience in tackling a significant solo project with minimal supervision.

I believe that the experiences mentioned above have contributed towards a relevant foundation of skills and understanding necessary for me to succeed on the MSc Risk and Finance programme alongside the dedication, determination and commitment I would devote to the course.

In addition to my enthusiasm for developing a greater understanding of risk and finance, my decision to pursue the master's programme stems from my overall career objective - to contribute towards the overall understanding of risk financial institutions face and help mitigate the risks banks pose to society and future generations. In pursuit of my objective, I have established the five-year goal of graduating from the London School of Economics and becoming a risk analyst at a reputable institution. My long-term goal is to ascend to the role of either Chief Risk Officer of a financial institution or become a Risk Advisory Director. I believe that graduating from LSE is an imperative step in developing the knowledge and characteristics necessary to become the individual I strive to be.

The MSc Risk and Finance programme undoubtedly stands out above alternative course to me, due to the scope and depth the course offers in conjunction with its applicability to my chosen career path. The opportunity to take the MSc Risk and Finance programme at LSE would firstly enable me to develop a profound understanding of the areas of risk and finance from highly skilled lecturers. Secondly, provide a competitive, international environment, which I can contribute to and draw from the experiences of others that also exhibit a passion for the subject, and thirdly provide the necessary skills and capabilities for me to establish a promising career.

As well as developing my ability, I believe that I can contribute a great deal towards the program as a highly dedicated and motivated individual. I would also relish the opportunity to actively participate in societies and projects at LSE as I currently do. At present, I am part of a small ethics team writing a research paper on the effective methods of teaching ethics and sustainability to business students that will be presented at the PRME (Principles for Responsible Management Education) conference this year. I would be very interested in taking part in comparable projects or something entirely different that also sparks my interest.

Ultimately, I consider myself to be an extremely driven individual that strives to succeed in all of my endeavours. Throughout university I have achieved grades of 70% - 95% in all of the assignments and examinations that I have undertaken, displaying my ability to perform at a high level consistently. As rewards for my academic dedication, I was named in the Dean's List in 2015 and 2016, also obtaining the academic excellence award twice after finishing top of my class for my first and second year. Unsurprisingly, my zeal and enthusiasm for risk and finance have been expressed within this year's assignments, in my Risk Management in Banking & Insurance assignment on the risk culture of HSBC I achieved 91%, and in the Corporate Financial Management assignment, my valuation report achieved 95%.

In conclusion, I believe that the MSc Risk and Finance programme would provide me with the necessary level of expertise to achieve my academic and career aspirations while enabling me to develop into a skilled and capable leader.

Thank you for taking the time to consider my application, and I hope that this personal statement faithfully reflects the passion, dedication and exuberance I would contribute towards LSE and the MSc Programme.

okorobiadimma14 6 / 82  
Feb 11, 2017   #2
Zak, first of all, I want to welcome you to Essay Forum and I do hope that you will be happy with our efforts in reviewing your essay in the long run. You really must be ready to write severally so as to effect the changes that would be pointed out in respect to current draft.

If the prompt you posted are the only parts you are expected to discuss in 1000-1500 words, it means that you must approach your essay with high level of organisation of ideas, otherwise, to a reviewer, it would be as boring as the current draft. It is difficult to read your current essay because it lacks fluidity, contains lots of punctuation errors, unnecessary vocabularies, and devoid of organisation of ideas. This is part of the reasons your current draft is not really answering the prompt. You have a lot points but they are not appropriately developed and organised to answer the prompt in a coherent manner.The prompt contain three key contents which I would like to highlight in bullet points (paraphrased) for clarity:

Describe your academic interests
Describe your purpose of undertaking graduate study
Describe your objectives in undertaking graduate study


You will agree with me that if you do not plan how to develop your ideas, you will definitely run out of points to put down on paper because 1000 words are a whole lot to deal with in few prompts. It is like giving more words than required, so the onus is on you to develop points clearly and interestingly in other to attain the word count without meandering or twisting points, while engaging the reviewer to keep reading your essay.


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