Management positions, professional growth, knowledge: reasons to pursue MBA program

Please help me reviewing my essay.
Thank you in advance.

Please describe reasons for pursuing MBA program at this point in your life? Please specifically state why you choose ABC MBA.

Since I was young, I was raised to value good education because education is the ticket to a good life. Good education can lead to a good and stability career. Decision to pursue MBA Program is a first step to reach my personal goal and to get a better life. After my bachelor's degree in Business administration, I worked in an multinational company and I always think about further education and my future because I I always believed that I must have a higher degree.

The first reason for me to pursue MBA program is that earning an MBA degree will prepare me for management-level positions in the company. Due to the fact that most companies in Thailand prefer applicant who has completed post graduate degree to applicant who hold bachelor degree for working in managerial position. MBA program will allow more doors to be open for me.

Secondly, I believe that MBA program will support me to obtain my professional growth as well as a salary that has a potential to increase from MBA degree. This increased salary will support not only my life but also my family which is the most important thing in my life. It will also be my investment fund for running my own business in the future.

Thirdly, I am sure that all the knowledge I get from MBA program as well as my past experience will support me to achieve my goal; being a business owner.

Why ABC University? This is an interesting question for me. As I know that this is my time to pursue MBA degree, I start gathering information about universities in Taiwan which offer MBA program. I desire to study in Taiwan because Taiwan has an outstanding and high quality education system and scholarship. I personally believe that a great education can lead to a great future.

Among the top MBA programs in Taiwan, ABC University stands out. ABC University is Taiwan's top and leading university. It has the excellent academic reputation and MBA from ABC attract me with Real-World Case Studies, which will help me understanding the insight and updated business view today, and give students the opportunities to work directly with multinational companies.

Moreover, studying here will give me the opportunity to meet with local Taiwanese students and classmates from various countries. I will have a chance to understand Taiwan culture and cultures from around the world which will be the great advantage to me in the future in term of cross-cultural business connections.

All in all, I believe that ABC University's MBA will give me the ticket to a good life.

I think a sentence this obvious has no place in your essay. An obvious sentence makes the reader not want to pay attention.

After my bachelor's degree in Business administration Administration, I worked in an multinational company---This is the only meaningful part of the first paragraph. I think the rest should be cut.


Too obvious. I think this goes without saying. I think this is not a good use of a sentence. I know it is a true statement, but the essay can only be powerful if you focus on creating a kind of experience for the reader.

as well as a salary that has a potential to increase from MBA degree. ---again, too obvious.
The point is not to tell them your practical reasons but instead to tell them something you feel strongly about. You might feel a spiritual calling to do socially responsible business and improve employees' lives, or you might feel strongly about providing a great life for your family. You might feel strongly about improving the country's economy through good business. Express an original passion at the start of the essay, and let it inspire your writing.

What makes you most emotional? Start writing from there. :-)

Hi Susan
Thank you for your comment :D
I got your point and I will rewrite it again.
Have a nice day!

May i ask you a question?
Which university you are applying to?