Essay for a MAS in Basel, Switzerland

Hello everyone,

I would appreciate help and comments on this essay I just wrote for a MAS in Peace and Conflict Transformation in Basel, Switzerland.

Their requirements is that I mention where and how I wish to apply the knowledge I'll obtain and that the essay is no longer than 300 (It is exactly 300 words long now! :P)

There it goes:

"After witnessing failing attempts to implement peace strategies on local communities, I realized it was time to try something new. Looking at the ten modules of the MAS in Peace and Conflict Transformation held by the World Peace Academy I decided this course is the best choice for me. It treats the subject, its problems and solutions by using already successful tactics, either it is through sustainable development or by strengthening human rights.

I recently acquired a Law Degree at Universidade Federal de Sergipe, in Brazil, and I am eager to continue my studies. I truly believe this course you offer is what gives me the best skills to turn failing attempts into success. Also, it provides me a broader approach on conflicts and peace strategies in order to find a common element on successful experiences in different cultures.

My future plans are to apply the knowledge I will acquire on this Masters on two different situations, both of which are important. One is back in Brazil, where violence attains a different portrait from the usual 'war conflicts' but also puts its citizens into risk. The plan there is to use the theories of sustainable development that many communities already prove to be successful. The other is to work with International Law in NGOs or with the United Nations, on projects related to refugees' protection, replacement and culture protection. Once again, it is important to say the program from University of Basel provides knowledge for both possibilities, what makes it so motivating.

My belief on integration of cultures, my knowledge on mediation and the unique points of view I can bring by coming from a different cultural background makes me capable to make this an extremely pleasant and productive activity not only for me, but also for other students involved."

Thanks a lot for the help... and yes, I can take harsh comments if necessary!

This is what your readers will want to know about, but you devote less than a sentence to it. Where did you witness such failures? Why, specifically, do you think this program will help you learn what you need to know in order to do such innovative peace work as you envision in Brasil? In order to make room for these critical details, take out superfluous sentences such as "I am eager to continue my studies," which is obviously true of anybody applying to any graduate program.

^Take Simone's point to consideration on the first sentence. What was it in those ten modules that made you decided that this is the course for you. By discussing this, then your application essay will look stronger because it looks as if you are strongly and genuinely interested in the subject and that you want to study it.

The rest of your essay just needs some basic grammar fixing, however just revise the content for now so that your essay can come off as stronger, therefore strengthening your application.