Hello Everyone,
I am new to the forum and here to get some feedback on my statement of purpose for the graduate school. Kindly review and let me know your feedback. Thank you.
Statement of purpose for Masters in Business Analysis
I am the master of my fate and I am the captain of my soul. This is the poem that describes my nature, my grit, my tenacity and my commitment to succeed in life endeavors. It has been long journey to lead me to the path of Masters in Business Analytics.
I excelled in math and science and I pursued my Diploma and Bachelor Degree in Computer Science.
During the academic period I was introduced to the extensive knowledge of variety of subjects. One that grab my attention was big data and data analytics. I equipped myself with extensive knowledge of database and algorithms which deals with database handling. I developed advance skills in SQL, C++, Python and Database management. In order to be self independent and support my undergraduate study, I started working as an event planner part time with at XYZ Company. Event planning is very unpredictable and season business. With the support of the manager and other team members we started to use overall data analytics for forecasting the events. We used predictive analysis about the future trends and business. We implemented online surveys and I proposed to use google analytics.
Upon graduation engineer would be the most common career choice for me. But I had my dreams to travel the world and experience different people and their culture. I made a bold choice to work with XXX Company prestigious international airline as a cabin crew. I visited 40 different countries and 100s of different destinations in the world. The job equipped me with the unprecedented customer service. It trained me to be a people person, a leader and to manage work under extremely stressful situation everyday. During my tenure as cabin senior at XYZ Airline the complexity of scheduling roster for the flight and managing resources and keeping flight up in in the air fascinated me.
After my marriage I quit my job, got my affairs in order and moved to United States on spouse dependent visa. It has become extremely difficult find work without work visa and I started pursuing my passion for dancing and photography. Eventually started part time job with XYZ Company as a Specialist on temporary work permit. With the visa issues I had to go back to India for five months.
During this period I looked deep into my passion and my career options. A part of is more of business management person and other part of me is an engineer who solves the problem.
And it all come back to me connecting dots about my computer science knowledge, my customer service and management experience and my passion to work with data analytics. I decided to make the pivotal shift in my career and combine the best of two worlds.
At this point, it became clear that I would like to work with Airline industry in the field of business analytics that they employ in everyday system. I dream to run the analytics department at prestigious airline in United States and I believe the degree at XYZ University will help me with that. I looked into details of the program and talked to Alumni, graduate admission advisor. I researched the companies that collaborating with XYZ. And I believe that XYZ would be the best platform to achieve my dreams.Hi Komziee,, IMO contentwise it's good but IMHO you should change some adjectives into real thing. For example when you wrote "I excel in math and science" , you had better write I got A in math and all science courses .
Holt Educational Consultant - / 14,835 
4783 Komal, since you have indicated 2 highly different, unrelated career paths in this essay, you must find a way to reconcile the two into a unique career path that will best utilize your interest in data analytics as well as your degree in Computer Science. Now you claim that you wish to complete an MS in Business analytics but you have not given any justified purpose for this interest. That is what is clearly missing in this essay, the purpose for the interest.
Now, if you had indicated that perhaps you wish to start your own travel agency, when you can combine your interest in big data and your degree in computer science, then you might have a more convincing purpose for this combined career path / change in current career direction. One of the problems in this essay is that there is no clear training that indicates a career in Business Analytics is in the cards for you. Being an able cabin crew member at an airline does not mean that you will succeed in this of work. Don't you have any other experience that can better indicate a training in business that can help convince the reviewer you have some business background to help you merge the two interests.
As for the computer science part, at least you have a college degree in the field which, though unused on your part as a profession, serves to give you the analytics foundation for the line of study. The essay you wrote is honest but not really indicative of a proper purpose and supporting information that can convince anybody that you have what it takes to complete this course and deliver on its requirements. In fact, the latter part, about you trying to find a job and you coming in on a dependent's visa will not serve to help your purpose at all. Only academic, professional, and other related experiences to your chosen course will help improve your SOP presentation.
