Masters in Data Science (Introduction Paragraph) (Rough Ideation)

my interaction with the field of Data Science

Data Science is a subject which is in bloom currently. Considering the growth of technologies, data science seems to be the most inquisitive of all. Ever since my childhood, I have always been fascinated by numbers and statistics. When I came to learn that math's can be integrated with computer programming in order to solve intricate problems, that is what compelled me to choose Data Science as a field where I would like to excel in my future. An urge to widen my knowledge and passion to solve data related problems has inspired me to seek Masters in Data Science. I am confident that my educational background has provided me the essential attributes required to pursue this challenging course.

My first interaction with the field of Data Science was when I worked on my final year project under the guidance of Dr.X. It was a predictive analysis project on XXX, where the ultimate goal of the application was to create and user friendly applications for the doctors, who can input the MRS data and predict disease related to the patient based on past data. Through this project I learnt how Python libraries can be used for Data discovery and knowledge. We faced issued in extracting data from the MRS image for which we had to learn about image processing through MATLAB and finally created a user friendly GUI using JavaScript.

Enthused by my new found love for data science I took up an intership at.....(Related to Data Analytics)

To add to my knowledge I took online courses where I learnt....(Technical aspects)

Previously, I interned at ... where I learnt....(A software development intern)

Sanket, I am unclear as to what type of essay you are writing for your MS application. Are you developing a personal statement or a statement of purpose? My advice to you, in terms of specifics, will depend upon the type of essay that you are developing. Each essay type has a specific concentration so I need to know what direction to take your essay into.

That said, there is a general piece of advice that applies to both the PS and SOP with regards to information. That is, you should never refer to terms such as "since my childhood" in your essay. No reviewer ever believes such claims and they consider that an exaggerated statement in all essay types. It would be best for your essay if you remove that reference and just say that you developed this interest as a high school student or something. The proper type of information that you can present in place of the "since childhood" reference will again, depend upon what type of essay you are writing.

So far, you have an interesting start to the essay and your opening sentences for succeeding paragraphs are acceptable. However, I am not sure if it will all apply or if you will need to revise most of it because of the focus that the essay (whichever type it is) requires.

@Holt It's a SOP. I know it's still needs more refining, this was just a rough draft. Let me know what you think