please help me edit this essay. english is my second language and i'm having a lot of problem with grammar, sentences structure and simple rules. thanks
Why do you want to be an osteopathic dotor and why do you want to attend PCOM?
After finishing medical school, I plan to serve in an underserved area like the one I grew up in (Bafoussam, West Cameroon). I have this urge to help people After seeing my friends suffer in hospital beds, because their parents did not have enough money to buy their medication, after seeing people die on their way to another hospital in a different city because their closest one could not provide the adequate care for more serious and extensive injuries and sicknesses, after being surrounded by the eyes of innocent children dying from starvation; my desire is to care for and help people. I want to make a difference in people's life. I believe that osteopathic medicine is the right call for me because it will be the most effective way to help the people I intend to treat. As an OD, I will treat the person as a whole, will spend time getting to know the person, gain knowledge on how home and work affect their health, work with the person to develop healthy habits and lifestyles. Most of the medical problems that rural habitants have are related to their lifestyle. I believe that to decrease the death rate, the sickness rate and to treat the patients, we must first determine the root of the problem then from there treat them. The patients need to be able to understand why they are sick, the effects of their sickness, how they can cure it and how to prevent it next time. That's what I intend to do trough osteopathic medicine.
I know that the road to becoming a physician is much too long and demanding to not enjoy the journey. Knowing myself, in order to be successful I need a place where I will fit, where I will be comfortable and where I know that if I need help with course content, loans, or any other aspect of medical school, someone will be willing to help me with a smiling face. That's why I chose PCOM. The location is perfect for me I always wanted to live in small urban city where it is easy to get places and where things are readily available. From his curriculum to his faculty to his technology and to his clinical opportunities, PCOM fits my needs. PCOM offers more weeks of elective & selective time giving me the freedom and the ability to make my clinical experience truly my own. The faculty seems to be knowledgeable and approachable, the courses are arranged so that they aren't so compact for me and the tremendous facilities just do it for me. What more should I ask?
In other hand, why should PCOM choose me? Well because my journey on becoming a physician has started fourteen years ago and along the way I've acquired some qualities that I would be able to bring to the school and the world of medicine. Trough my clinical experience, I've learn how to best relate, empathize and communicate with people around me. Trough my four years experience in childcare, I've acquired qualities such as problem solving, patience, and endurance. I am confident that I will do academically well because at PCOM I will have all resources available for me to succeed.
I look forward to having the opportunity to attend PCOM and one day be able to look upon my diploma as a commission to help people who need it most.
I have this urge to help people.
I want to make a difference in people's lives.
As an OD, I will treat the person as a whole, will spend time getting to know the person, gain knowledge on how home and work affect their health, work with the person to develop healthy habits and lifestyles .
That's what I intend to do through osteopathic medicine.
The location is perfect for me.
From its curriculum to its faculty to its technology and to its clinical opportunities, PCOM fits my needs. The location is perfect for me I always wanted to live in small urban city where it is easy to get places and where things are readily available. From his curriculum to his faculty to his technology and to his clinical opportunities, PCOM fits my needs.
Through my clinical experience, I've learned how to best relate, empathize and communicate with people around me.
Through my four years experience in childcare, I've acquired qualities such as problem solving, patience, and endurance.
On the other hand, why should PCOM choose me?
I look forward to having the opportunity to attend PCOM and one day be able to look upon my diploma as a commission to help people who need it most.
Here are a few spelling and grammatical fixes, but I think your essay would be so much stronger if you start it a few sentences in, where you have the word, "after".
How does this sound for an opener...
"I have seen my friends suffer in hospital beds, because their parents did not have enough money to buy their medication. I have seen people die on their way to another hospital ..."
Hope this helps!
:)
