Letter of motivation for EMJMD critical care nursing

I appreciate being a nurse

Having been raised by an asthmatic father, where acute exacerbation were the order of the day I developed the interest to find a solution for him, later translating into passion. My goal earlier days was limited to be that 'doctor' who helped my father during attacks.Today I appreciate being a nurse and a solution to him and communities.

With a bachelor's degree in nursing I have profound understanding of nursing care and its impacts which has transformed career goals towards emergency care.Last year I worked at critical care and emergency unit as a nurse intern, I consider this the pinnacle of my experience adding value to my passion. In my present role, triage nurse, I'm tasked with patient assessment and triage with prompt administration of emergency care. Everyday this opportunity charges not only my passion but also critical thinking abilities applied in acute care. One of the most inspirations anchoring critical and emergency care is in its outcome. Though in limited cases, emergency care gives instant life saving results which is very emancipating to me. Additionally, I have observed remarkable gap both in knowledge and practice of emergency care nursing. My long term goal therefore is to advance studies in emergency and critical care, do more research and provide specialized services to critically ill in Kenya and internationally. I personally believe that future nursing care will depend on specialization. Critically ill patients will have a chance to receive specialized care without being referred to developed countries. This in turn improves the quality of life.

Studying in 3 prestigious universities, in 3 developed countries, learning and working simultaneously in advanced health care systems is a great honor. Going through several studies I have learn that there's quality education, advanced healthcare and rich culture in Europe. Erasmus gives me a fine leeway to have such lifetime experiences and achieve my goal.

To attain good health care and well-being (sustainable development goal number 3), the health care needs specialization, good leadership and research.

please assist in reviewing. Number of words required is 250
thank you

Hi! I think it's good enough. I'm preparing for an EMJMD program too and your essay looks stunning!

If anything, I think the last line leaves something to be desired. I don't quite understand where you want to go with this. Perhaps you can clarify?

To attain good health care ...

@luke matu
Hi there. Thanks for coming to the site for feedback!

Since you are working with a very limited word count, I recommend that you stick with only the pivotal information necessary. Doing this would definitely help your writing improve a lot more, considering the fact that you need to be able to compartmentalize the information a lot better. For instance, in the first paragraph, try your best to reduce the excessive information you've included there. You could have easily kept it as short as the first phrase before anything else.

Try to also be clearer language-wise. If we take a look at the last sentence of the first paragraph, it is unclear what you mean by being "a solution to him" - if possible, stick with shorter sentences that have simpler structures. The last paragraph needs to be improved more, especially since you need to be more straightforward.