Motivation Letter for Master in Business Administration to Radboud University

Hi, all.
I'm going to apply to RU this year. So, I need your help for correcting/commenting my motivation letter. Thanks!

Motivation Letter

To Whom It May Concern,
My name is (), I graduated from Management Business Programme at Faculty of Economy and Business () University on August 2016. I wish to continue my study and pursue a Master's degree in Business Administration in Radboud University with a further specialisation on the field of Organizational Design and Development (OD&D).

My career goal is to pursue career in the academic field and become a researcher. In 5 years, I want to see myself teaching and I hope my guidance will help my students as the next generation be ready to run this country. I also want to empowered Indonesian women (especially the younger generation) to take a step forward, I want them to realize that education is an important thing and that now women play the same role as men. We need to take our best chance to build our future and to give our best contribution to our nation.

I'm eager to continue my study in Business field to enrich my knowledge in business organizational sector; to gather insight of ins-and outs of business process, to prepare my career as an academic. Although my recent thesis is mainly about Finance banking, lately I put my concern on Organizational development, due to the creation of ASEAN Economic Community (AEC) in 2015.

Briefly, the AEC is a regional economic integration among ASEAN countries. AEC is characterized by globally competitive single market and production base, with a free flow of goods, services, labour, investments and capital across the ASEAN countries. This could be a great opportunity for Indonesia (or local company) to seize new opportunities and to expand their businesses. However, this could be a threat, if the organization or company not constantly compete to fulfill their task of providing goods and services to society. So to put up with the challenge, organization will need plans and step up their strategy to keep the business established and even expand by designing and developing the organization structure that compatible with the change that might occurs. In this case, OD&D program is the suitable study for me, because I want to have a deep understanding of how to integrate between design and development a company, and how to effectively managing both stakeholders and shareholders.

In other matters, the reason I need to pursue master in Radboud University, is the international environment that Radboud provides. One of the best ways for students to study is through learning from others, especially from people that come from different cultures. Having different experiences and perspectives are ideal for that. In addition, Radboud University is also widely known as the research-based university. This will benefit me even more. This is also a way that I will be able to contribute to this Master's Programme, exchanging knowledge, experiences and fresh perspective to others.

I look forward to your favourable reply. Studying in your department will give me the opportunities and prerequisites needed to achieve my goals. Thank you for granting me the time to review my application.

Best regards.

Hrasky, in order to improve your motivation letter, you should remove the reference to the explanation about the Asean Economic Community. That is irrelevant to the motivation in this case. Instead, you can use the part of that paragraph that depicts how you hope to help people / students deal with the changes in the Asean region by becoming an educator with a specialization in Business Administration. I noticed that your motivation is mostly theoretical in approach. Don't you have any practical motivations? Practical motivations include any internship experiences and community activities that relate to your realization that you need a masters degree education in this field. Try to indicate that you have a professional motivation included so that your interest is not to research based. While the university has a researched based curriculum, a more practical representation of your interests can help in developing your status as an applicant. The motivation to apply what you will be learning must be evident. The letter is already good, but with some additional information, it can be better.

@Holt
Thanks your feedback! I added few practical motivation into my motivation letter, I'd appreciate it if you could give me your opinion.

(....)

My career goal is to pursue career in the academic field and become a researcher. In 5 years, I want to see myself teaching and I hope my guidance will help my students as the next generation be ready to run this country. I also want to empowered Indonesian women (especially the younger generation) to take a step forward, I want women to realize that education is an important and that now women play the same role as men. We need to take our best chance to build our future and to give our best contribution to our nation. Moreover, ASEAN has created AEC (Asean Economic Community), which can be both threat and opportunity to Indonesia. In this case, I hope by studying OD&D at Radboud University, I can share a new perspective to the business administration studies in Indonesia. Hopefully, this new viewpoint can help organization in Indonesia to sustain their business in ASEAN region.

I have done my internship in Director of General Tax, under of Ministry of Finance Republic of Indonesia. I learned how the institution deals with structural management change, such as socialization to the employees, pilot project creation, and the application of the pilot project, specifically in the Control and Consultation division. This experience has triggered my interest to enrich my insight of OD&D

At the end of my bachelor study, my supervisor suggested me to submit my paper to SCBTII seminar and conference 2016. My thesis has got selected and published. Then, I was given a opportunity to give a presentation in a SCBTII seminar and conference, fully funded by () University. My motivation to be a researcher becomes even bigger after the conference.

(....)

Hrasky, you should present your work experience before you present your motivation in terms of why you want too study Business Adminsitration at Radboud. By the way, double check the country reference in your statement. Radboud is located in Netherlands, not Indonesia. You accidentally referred to Netherlands when you meant to reference Indonesia. Correct that mistake in order to avoid confusion. Don't bother talking about your thesis and its subsequent publication in the motivation letter. That is information required in the statement of purpose. So in order to avoid repetition of information, just remove that reference in this letter. Also, avoid mentioning your 5 year career plan in the motivation letter. That is also information required in the statement of purpose or post study goals essay. Basically, the paragraph format should be as follows:

I have done my internship in Director of General Tax...

My career goal is to pursue career in the academic field and become a researcher... (delete the reference to the 5 year career plan but keep the discussion about why you feel you need to become an educator and researcher). I also want to empowered Indonesian ...

@Holt
Thanks for your feedback! :)

I haven't work yet, i'm decide to continue pursuing master after graduated. Is working xp a very important point to consider their master candidate ?

Having work experience normally helps in your application. Usually masters degree students have worked in their field of interest for a few years, gained ample training on the job, and widened their point of view regarding their work because of related experiences. It helps you decide that this is really the career path for you because of the "calling" that you feel to help improve and make your mark in the industry. If you do not have any work experience to speak of, you can also consider presenting your internships or any on the job training that you received during your time of study. The reason that this is considered an important part of your application is because the line of study often asks the student to call upon his work related experience during research studies and class discussions. More importantly, when the student is applying for admission to the course, his resume is compared with the other applicants and usually, those with a notable work experience have a better chance for consideration.