Motivation Letter for Master - 'to help develop my country, Yemen and the world'

Please comment on this piece of writing......

I am writing this letter to apply for the International Master in Industrial Management (IMIM) program, in which I am tremendously interested in. I strongly believe that this program is very unique and impressive to enrich my knowledge and professional outgrowth. As a child, I dreamed of becoming an engineer and a researcher who can enrich the world with his scientific efforts. Now, that I became a mechanical engineer, I hope to be considered for this program to fulfil my ultimate goal.

Getting my degree in mechanical engineering at Sanaa University, Mechanical Engineering Department has given me the initial tools to realize my life-long goal. The five year undergraduate program in Mechanical Engineering formed the basis of my perseverance towards achieving an in-depth knowledge in the field of industries as automotive, aerospace, biotechnology, computers and electronics, microelectromechanical systems or MEMS, energy conversion, environmental control, automation, and manufacturing After graduating with honors and in the top 3 in my class of 120 students, I sought out every opportunity to learn new techniques and to read about every new discovery, every work of genius, and every success by engineers I could lay my hands on, aiming at developing my academic and research competence.

I think that I am a suitable candidate for this program, since I have a strong background in industry and the region where I came from the Middle East specifically my own country Yemen lack such professionals in the industrial sectors. The Middle East is an economically diverse region due to its heritage, lower income, and a number of challenges. Depending totally on oil wealth has decreased the opportunity to establish industrial factories responsible for the development, availability of jobs, and economic balance in the region. I hope that this is my start point where I can contribute to the establishment of sophisticated industrial factories in my country and the Middle East. I hope through this program I will be able to integrate the methods and techniques of designing, planning, and optimizing of production and manufacturing processes gained during my previous studies with those methods and techniques gained at the management science.

My master's thesis will be Petroleum Production Planning Optimization after finishing the IMIM program. I choose this topic because my own country Yemen is sitting on substantial oil and gas reserves according to mapping of the Arabian Peninsula and derived from satellites. The scientific research in the field of geological studies and oil discoveries, suggests that the desert sands of the Empty quarter, stretching from southern Iraq to the north and even large areas of the territory of the provinces of Shabwa, Hadramout, and south Mahara, showed that under the sand dunes of the Rub Al Khali desert, there is the largest stockpile of crude oil in the world. So, Yemen is going to have big oil companies and I hope I will work with Yemeni professionals and political people in the authority to develop Yemen economically. Due to this wealth nowadays, Yemen is facing great challenges which led to conflicts between several different groups, pushing the country to the edge of civil war. I strongly believe that when the war is over Yemen will have great industrial sectors especially in the oil and gas field and this will lead to investment from all over the world.

I would honor the opportunity if you accept me for this program to emphasize my great interest to study in Europe and to spend an extended period of time immersed in the European culture to encounter new experiences and perspectives. One great advantage of joining such a program will enable me to improve the intercultural and languages skills. I know from the structure of the IMIM program that beside the courses provide in each semester there will be language courses, so it is a privilege for me to come back home with at least four European languages. I would be very pleased to join the Erasmus Mundus program and interact with students from diverse professionals and cultural backgrounds drawn from all over the world, to hone cross-cultural skills and to get to know their habits, attitudes, and lifestyles. In addition, living, studying and having fun within international scholars would broaden my horizons and enable me to build strong social network with people through our continent. As an international student I believe I have the chance to gain an insight into and to study the complexity of Europe in an interdisciplinary manner.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I am very eager to gain new experiences, improve my skills and broaden my knowledge and understanding of the industrial management in the Middle East and I wish I could transfer it to another level to help develop my country, Yemen and the world. Therefore, I would be very honoured to be one student of your prestigious program.

Thank you very much for considering my application.

Yours Faithfully,
Abdulkareem Qasem

Sanaa, your essay is really well thought out and developed. In fact, it is a little bit over developed because it lost its way, in terms of keeping on track of your motivation after the fourth paragraph. My opinion, is that the first four paragraphs of your essay are quite strong in terms of its ability to properly present your motivation for further studies in this field. It not only presents the basis for your motivation in terms of your past work, but also accurately represents your motivation in terms of your future growth as a professional. It is refreshing to read a motivation letter that requires only minor editing (in terms of length and substance) and grammar correction in order to polish the content into a final, usable essay.

The last 2 paragraphs don't really work for the essay because it already talks about what you expect to experience as a student involved in the program and the exposure / immersion you hope to enjoy as a foreign student in the country. Those types of information are in no way related to your academic motivation to become part of the program. I believe that is part of your the social motivation which should not be part of this academic motivation letter. All that you speak of in these paragraphs are already a given or an expected part of the learning experience and doesn't necessarily have to be pointed out in your motivation letter. Again, that is just my opinion so I hope you consider it.

Thank U very much. I do really appreciate your incredible remarks but concerning the last two paragraphs they said you have to talk about your interest towards the European culture and studying in the EU. That's why I mentioned that.

Sanaa, I think you need to be more specific about the last paragraph since it is also an important part of the essay try to be more specific towards the activities that you look forward to doing. For example, when you mention going back home with 4 languages learned, why don't you mention what languages those are? Would you consider talking about what you already know about the culture of the country where you hope to gain the scholarship? Remember, your enjoyment of the cultural experience will also depend upon the specific interests you have in the country you will be living in.

Normally students dream of studying in a particular country because of their interest in the culture and traditions of the country. They know that by studying there, they will also fulfill their dream of getting to know more about the culture that intrigues them. So I think that the last paragraph needs to be more definitive in content by relaying certain specific information about the culture that you look forward to gaining more knowledge about. That is, aside from the academic experience. The last paragraph should be all about how you will unwind and relax and have a different learning experience.

Thank you so much for your valuable comments. I will consider what u have suggested.