Motivation Letter for Structural Engineering Graduate Program

Hi,

I'm writing a motivation letter for my admission. Here is the first part of the letter, is that good enough for the opening aragraph?

professional in the construction industry

Over the last decade, thanks to technological advances, the construction industry has transformed the outline of Istanbul and other cities, renewed and increased Turkey's transport infrastructure, and built new facilities and centres from the Aegean to the Caucasus. This ever-changing environment provides an opportunity to grow for the professional in the construction industry like me. With an aim to work within this fast-moving industry and help humanity by developing infrastructure related to health, transport as well as the education sector, I have decided to pursue a Master Degree in Structural Engineering to enhance my knowledge and leverage my career in Turkey's construction industry.

@ufatihkaya I do not like the way that this opening paragraph is written. It is wasting word space when it should be hitting the reader with the impact of your motivation instead. Build this paragraph from your professional related aspirations and desires. What dreams do you have for your future? Why do you desire to reach that point of success?

Overwhelm me with your passion for your profession and your desire to become a leader in this field within your country. Convince me that you have a valid motivation to continue explaining within the succeeding essay paragraphs. Make me interested in learning what else you have to say. Do these all in your first paragraph or you will have lost your chance at gaining my interest in your application. That is how important the opening paragraph is too your motivational letter. That is what you failed to do here.

As a reviewer, I am more interested in how your interest in the course has motivated a desire for professional improvement within you. Relate that to the architectural improvements in your country. Not the other way around. Excite me with an introduction of how your current skills have helped shape the architecture of your country. Then explain to me how the government projects increased your desire to improve professionally. Then build the succeeding paragraphs around those information.

Thank you so much! I decided not to use that opening. I'm writing more simple letter. Could you tell me what do you think about this draft? It's not finished by the way, I'm still working on other paragraphs.

My name is *, and I am a Civil Engineering graduate from *University, *, Turkey. I am writing to express my interest and enthusiasm in applying for the MSc program of "*Engineering" at the Technical University of *for the 2019 Summer term.

The foundation of my interest in this field lies in my childhood days I spent with my father. He had a construction company and I frequently accompanied for his construction site visits. Every time I visited the site I was spending hours watching the machines and related processes with a child's curiosity and excitement. Growing up in this environment has let me know what I enjoy most and what I want to become.

I pursued my undergraduate degree in Civil Engineering at a reputed University in engineering branches. During my under graduation, I gained my initial formal exposure to methods for the design and calculation of systems through courses like "Structural Analysis" and "Computer Application in Civil Engineering", which opened my vision to the latest construction technology and design methods.

In the second year of my under graduation, I received in-depth practical experience during the construction site practice during which, I was a part of a building inspection company named *. I took upon the task of making a study of testing of concrete samples taken from buildings and writing detailed reports. This hands-on experience gave me my first opportunity to apply the technical knowledge that I had obtained from the coursework. I also had the chance to observe the practical difficulties of working on a construction site.