Motivations to becoming a PA: "picked up enough along the way"

Below is my rough draft for my Physicians Assistant application. The instructions were to describe your motivations to becoming a PA but I think it's assumed to work in your qualifications too. My goal is to show that I am qualified and capable. I also want to have some discussion points if an interview is granted. My fears are that I come across as a med school reject who is settlng for PA school and that I take too long to get to the point. I can't seem to figure out what to do about it though. Please let me know what you think. Thanks

When I turned sixteen I got a $300 car and a set of tools. The car didn't run. This wasn't a big concern because I had been helping my father work on cars from the time I could hold a flashlight. My father had a keen ability to figure out how things worked and how to make them right again. As a kid, I used to ask him how he knew how to fix a fishing reel or who taught him how to fix a dishwasher. He never gave me a definitive answer. Usually he said something like, "I picked it up along the way". This must have made some level of sense to me because I don't remember pressing him for a more detailed answer. I do remember how excited I was to fix that $300 car though. We finally got the car up and running. It didn't look like much but it was solid. I used to tell anybody that would listen all about the engine, how it worked and why this car would run solid for the next ten years. The tools my dad gave to fix that car went beyond the wrenches and screwdrivers in the toolbox. Through experiences like this he gave me the tools to approach many of life's challenges.

Although I gained a lot confidence from the time spent in the garage with my father, I still lacked the discipline and perseverance to make much out my abilities. Luckily I found my way into bicycle racing. I learned the hard and embarrassing lesson that I didn't have the discipline and wherewithal to be competitive. As a competitive person this hurt. I was motivated to change. After years of tough physical and mental training I was able to become competitive. Cycling has given way to running marathons more recently but the benefits I derive are the same. I find that discipline and perseverance have become strong suites. I give credit to my years competing in endurance sports for this.

While attempting to become a more competitive cyclist I learned everything I could about exercise physiology. Ultimately this returned me to college to study exercise physiology. This time I was able to live up to my abilities. I had the confidence to approach academic rigors and I had developed the discipline and perseverance necessary to succeed. Through my studies I soon broadened my interest from exercise physiology to overall physiology. I decided to pursue a career in medicine. The notion of examining and diagnosing patients was appealing. Becoming a doctor seemed like the only path to pursue. At the time I only had rudimentary understanding of the medical profession. I had limited awareness of the Physician Assistant role. It took my experience in primary care to discover that pursuing a career as a PA is an ideal choice for me.

I started my job as a Nurse Assistant at Pediatrics 5280 almost ten years ago. I was able to earn the trust of the physicians and soon I was working in the same role as the licensed nurses. I have provided care to thousands of patients and have gained a broad working knowledge of pediatrics and the practice of primary care. I have experienced that providing care requires a human element that goes beyond simply solving medical problems. It is an element that I may never master but will always practice. Now I have been tasked with training nurses and controlling nursing quality. I represent and advocate for the nursing staff in operations meeting. I help plan and implement new procedures and programs. I am the technical supervisor of the clinics laboratory. The physicians at this clinic have the confidence to push me out of my comfort zone and I am better for it. I love what I do but I want to do more. The idea of examining and assessing patients is what drew me to medicine. As a PA I will be able to realize this. I still have a lot to learn. However, it is clear to me now that I have "picked up enough along the way" to become an eager and quality PA.

This must have made some amount of sense to...

Although I gained a lot confidence from the time spent in the garage with my father, I still lacked the discipline and perseverance to make much out my abilities. Luckily I found my way into bicycle racing. I learned the hard and embarrassing lesson that I didn't have the discipline and wherewithal to be competitive. As a competitive... I think this part is what is causing you a problem. I think you should just briefly mention cycling, and get right into the fact that you want to fix people as well as machines. Do not present it as though you were mainly interested in cycling and only secondarily interested in excercise physiology or medicine. Let it be that you are determined to become an expert medical professional.

While attempting to become a more competitive cyclist I learned everything I could about exercise physiology.
Oh.. I like that reference to your dad's expression at the end... clever. I think this will impress any reader.

How about including some discussion of your philosophy of medicine?
Google this: philosophy of medicine
You might find little vitamins to add to the essay. :-)

I think it's very good! You do not seem like you are settling. You seem to be persevering. And you are a great writer!!

Thank you very much! I appreciate your help.