Hi guys. I was hoping to get some feed back on the this personal statement I'm working on for an application. Any help will be really appreciated! Also, do you guys think I effectively answer the question? Thanks in advance. Here we go:
"In your personal statement, discuss how the MPA may influence your career choices? "
While majoring in political science at Rutgers University for my B.A, I developed a strong educational interest in learning more about the functions of government. During periods of self-reflection, I thought extensively about what kind of purpose and meaning I wanted to define my life with, ultimately concluding that any life I chose to lead would have to be centered on helping others. Though studying political science satisfied me intellectually, I still needed something to fulfill my personal desire to make a difference in society. My experience in the Children in Court Department at the ...
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...strong educational interest in learning more about the functions of government.
During periods of self- reflection, I thought extensively about ...
...would have to be centered on helping others. ----Helping others is too simple! Can you say it in a different way? It is a cliche. Be more specific.
Though studying political science satisfied me intellectually, I still needed something to fulfill my personal desire to make a difference in society. ---pol sci is the best subject for making a difference! I think this sentence should be changed, because of course pol sci is a good route to go if you want to help.
being able to fulfilling my personal goal of assisting those in need be more specific, and my professional goal of understanding government and working effectively within it.---Sounds like they are both the same goal.
In terms of my personal goal, I ultimately want to work in a social welfare field that enables me to help disadvantaged populations. Though I am not sure which specific populations I want to assist, I feel completely confident in this decision. Specifically, I want to be able to oversee social welfare programs and services and ----Oh, very good. Okay, I understand better now. This is very good. I like the clarity of your goals. Still, if you read some articles about current hot topics in social services, you can write more intelligently and specifically. You said, "Specifically, I want to oversee... etc., but that is still not very specific. Where do you want to be, and what is your philosophy of government? Read some great articles, and when they are fresh in your mind do another draft. You will find yourself writing about contemporary issues.
:-) You did great!
Firstly, thank you so much for taking the time to read and provide feedback. I really do appreciate it Kevin. I made some revisions after reading your suggestions. I'd love to hear feedback from you once more. Also, I'm having difficultly ending this SOP. I'm not sure if I'm ending it too abruptly or if I should recap everything. I know I'm not writing an extremely rigid/structured paper or anything, but it just feels weird that my statement ends in this manner. Do you think it ends well? Thanks in advance! I truly appreciate it!
While majoring in political science at Rutgers University for my B.A, I developed a strong interest in the bureaucratic side of politics. During periods of reflection, I thought extensively about what kind of purpose and meaning I wanted to define my life with, ultimately concluding that any life I chose to lead would have to be centered on helping disadvantaged groups. Learning about the different bureaucratic functions of government, specifically its role in creating public services and social relief for society's most needy, I felt a strong urge to possibly pursue a government career as a means to fulfill my personal goal of helping others. My experience in the Children in Court department at the Bergen County Superior Courthouse was an important event that helped solidify this interest in government. While at the courthouse, I witnessed numerous DYFS court cases and worked behind a computer, data-basing court documents onto the state online server. The actual work and environment was an overwhelmingly positive experience and became factors that further cemented my interest in government, but it was the work of the many civil servants I encountered that became the impetus that persuaded me to further my education and work towards a government career. Witnessing on a daily basis, DYFS caseworkers, aides and other civil servants working hard in helping DYFS families stay on track towards securing stable lives was not only inspirational, but demonstrative of government's ability to reach and help the most disadvantaged. As a result of my internship experience, I feel that pursuing a MPA would be the best route to achieve my goals, as it would provide the education necessary to help me succeed in a government setting. As a whole, I envision the MPA helping me succeed in two fronts: being able to fulfill my personal goal of assisting those in need and my professional goal of understanding government and working effectively within it.
In terms of my personal goal, I ultimately want to work in a social welfare field that enables me to help disadvantaged families. Specifically, I aspire to help low-income families through services like the Head Start Program, which provides educational, parental and health services to poverty-stricken families. Growing up in a single-parent, low-income household during my childhood, I had always emphasized with other families in similar circumstances. With the MPA, I'll be able to understand how to detect issues affecting such families, create practical solutions and analyze the effectiveness of implemented social programs and services. Ultimately, I wish to use the education and skills provided by the MPA to facilitate educational services that work to maintain the academic stability of children within such disadvantaged families.
In this manner, I also feel that I'm accomplishing my professional goal, as learning about such diverse government topics is intellectually satisfying and exciting. However, I want to not only have a comprehensive understanding of public service and the bureaucracy, but to ultimately have the leadership and administrative skills to be able to manage and direct different services and projects. From my experience in my internship at the courthouse, I learned the importance of having the necessary managerial skills to work effectively in an institution riddled by complicated interrelationships and interactions between different departments and civil servants. Cutting through this complicated web of interaction is very important, as it enables one to better actualize government's potential in serving the public. Considering the large size of government today, the need to obtain an MPA in order to be effective in a government setting becomes ever more important.
