Museum Studies Admission Essay - Syracuse University

I am applying to the Museum Studies program at Syracuse University. I have to write an essay explaining my career goals and how the program will help me achieve these goals. Heres what I have so far...its rough.

I have been planning on a career in the museum world since I began my studies at ------- ----- College. As an undergraduate I focused on gaining as much knowledge, insight, and experience as I possibly could in the museum field. I have successfully gone above and beyond the expectations for my undergraduate minor and have even taken museum studies courses that I did not need to graduate knowing that I would benefit from the knowledge gained.

I discovered my passion for the museum field rather late in my academic studies after a decision to take an introductory course in museum studies. This course completely turned my world upside down and I have been determined to become successful in this field ever since. My undergraduate degree is in a multi-disciplinary arts and humanities program with concentrations in Art History and Music History with a minor in Museum Studies. Had I discovered my passion for museums a bit earlier there is no doubt in my mind that I would be receiving a bachelor's degree in museum studies. However, I do have to credit my knowledge of art and music history with providing me the aesthetic and technical skills that will asset a career in the museum field.

Within the past year I have completed two internships in the fields of Collections Management and Museum Programming and Education. Not only did these internships direct me on the right career path, they also enhanced my knowledge and desire to become a success in the museum field. I was given the opportunity to experience these career choices in depth through various experiences and research. These internships also lead me to temporary employment by the ------ Museum of Science as an Exhibit Contractor and have also given me the opportunity to volunteer for several special events held at the museum.

My ultimate goal and long term plans include becoming the director of a very dynamic, community oriented, and personable museum. In a perfect world I would also love to teach museum studies courses in a college setting. Along with these goals I also plan on exploring careers in museum management, fundraising and event planning, exhibit design, and collections management. My diversity in career goals is the main reason why I chose to study at Syracuse University. I know the program at Syracuse University will allow me to explore my various interests and will provide me with a broad spectrum of specialized knowledge in the museum field. By bringing my undergraduate knowledge and experiences to the masters program at Syracuse University it will be impossible for me not to become a significant force within the museum world after graduation. I have to admit I am very excited and I look forward to becoming an asset to your institution and eventually to the museum community.

It sounds like you answer the prompt completely, and you are very organized throughout, with a good intro and conclusion as well.

I'm not sure if I'm 100% happy with my response. I feel like it lacks personality and a sense of academia. Do you agree?

Good morning.

I don't know if it "lacks personality" but it is "purely business." These prompts are designed not to really allow a lot of your personality to come through, they are more to find out what your academic and career goals are. I'm not sure what you mean by a "sense of academia," but I think your tone is appropriate.