Hello, I'm drafting a personal statement for medical school. I have an outline and the direction I want to take my personal statement, and I also have drafted a few opening paragraphs. I can't decide what opening paragraph is the most engaging or most appropriate, so I was hoping to get some feedback on which opening statement you think is the most promising or grabs your attention the best. I've labeled them numerically (e.g. 1, 2, etc.). Some of them are variations of the same idea, so they're further labeled with capital letters (A, B, C, etc.). These paragraphs are all drafts, so whichever one I end up using, I'll edit in much more detail later on, such as sentence structure, word choice, grammar, etc. After the opening paragraph, I am roughly planning on writing a paragraph for each experience that affected me in chronological order. I have a list of experiences I think I want to include, but I just haven't drafted paragraphs for any of them. Thank you for taking a look and letting me know your thoughts!
#1A:
Ever since I could remember, I would tell people I wanted to be a doctor whenever anyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I can't pinpoint the exact moment in time that I decided I wanted to be a doctor. Becoming a physician has been a lifelong goal for me. Before I could read, I accompanied my parents to the library as they were studying for their PhDs and looked at books with the most pictures, which happened to be human anatomy and physiology textbooks. Growing up, people were often surprised and somewhat skeptical by my firm response to their question "what do you want to be when you grow up?". As an elementary student, I found myself offended by their reaction to my response. Looking back now, I better understood their reactions. How can a child know what they want to be at such a young age? It was for that reason that in the beginning of my undergraduate studies, I questioned myself about whether I wanted to become a physician because I had decided my career choice from such a young age. I thought to myself that just because I decided on my career at a younger age than most other people doesn't mean my career choice is wrong. I believe that sometimes as we grow older, we get bogged down by social constraints and that a child sometimes thinks in the right direction. Of course, my perception of a physician changed over time through my experiences in the medical field, such as seeing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#1B:
Ever since I could remember, my dream was to become a physician. In every class yearbook, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, filled in the blank was "doctor". In my kindergarten yearbook, I wrote "duktr" as my career and had a stick figure facing another smaller stick figure on a bed. I remember adults telling me what a big dream I have, but telling my parents to expect me to change my mind a million times. I never did. I didn't understand why they didn't believe me, but now I know where these adults were coming from when they made those comments to my parents. What child, especially a 7 year old, would know what they wanted to be? There are students in college who still don't know what they want to do for the rest of their life. What makes me different from any other 7 year old? It was for that reason that I sometimes doubted my career choice, but I've realized as I was going through college that sometimes children see clearer than the most knowledgeable adults because children still have that natural curiosity and are not weighed down by societal obligations. Just because I never changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up doesn't make my choice invalid. However, my perception of medicine has changed over the years from the fantasy of a child just learning to read to a more realistic view.
#2:
Initially, I wanted to be a physician so I could learn all about the human body and to help people, but my reasons for pursuing medicine has grown beyond those more simplistic, child-like reasons. My experiences to get to where I am now has shaped my desires to become a physician. As a 5-year-old accompanying my parents to the local university's library, I picked out books with lots of pictures, biology, human anatomy and animal physiology textbooks, and sat next to my parents pouring over the pictures while my parents were writing their doctoral dissertations. I was enchanted with those books, and I asked for books related to anatomy for several Christmases and birthdays thereafter. After getting a book about diseases coupled going to the hospital to visit my sick piano teacher, I decided I wanted to be a physician to fix people and make them feel better.
#3A:
I was just shy of 7 years old by 3 months when I decided I wanted to be a physician. It was my first day of kindergarten, and one of the worksheets the teacher had us do that day was "draw a picture of what you want to be when you grow up." I drew a bed with a stick figure laying on it, and next to the bed was a bigger stick figure with a stethoscope. I labeled the drawing "Duktr". At that time, I wanted to be a physician to make people feel better, and I still stand by that reason to this day. Before, I had limited exposure to what a physician did other then what I experienced from my regular check-ups with my pediatrician and visits to the emergency department. My perception of a physician has changed over time through my experiences in the medical field, such as seeing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#3B:
On my first day of kindergarten, my teacher asked the class to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. My almost 7-year-old self drew a bed with a stick figure laying in it and a bigger stick figure with a stethoscope next to the bed. The drawing was labeled "Duktr." I had limited exposure to what a physician did other then my experiences from my regular check-ups with my pediatrician and visits to the emergency department. At that time, I wanted to be a physician to make people feel better. I still stand by that reason to this day. My understanding of medicine and reasons for pursuing a career in medicine has evolved beyond my kindergarten days as I have grown older and experienced more about medicine through observing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing physicians in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#3C:
I was 6 years old, almost 7 I would say to anyone that asked, and it was my first day of kindergarten. I sat at a table with three other kids. The teacher, who introduced herself as Mrs. McDaniel, handed out a drawing activity. She asked us to draw a picture of who we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a stick figure laying in a bed and a bigger stick figure holding a stethoscope next to it. I wrote in big, sloppy letters with a crayon "Duktr." Fast forward 12 years to the present. That dream never left me, and instead, continued to grow, evolve, and be nurtured through my experiences in medicine, such as observing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing physicians in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
Again, thanks so much for the feedback! I greatly appreciate it.
my dream to become a physician
#1A:
Ever since I could remember, I would tell people I wanted to be a doctor whenever anyone asked what I wanted to be when I grew up. I can't pinpoint the exact moment in time that I decided I wanted to be a doctor. Becoming a physician has been a lifelong goal for me. Before I could read, I accompanied my parents to the library as they were studying for their PhDs and looked at books with the most pictures, which happened to be human anatomy and physiology textbooks. Growing up, people were often surprised and somewhat skeptical by my firm response to their question "what do you want to be when you grow up?". As an elementary student, I found myself offended by their reaction to my response. Looking back now, I better understood their reactions. How can a child know what they want to be at such a young age? It was for that reason that in the beginning of my undergraduate studies, I questioned myself about whether I wanted to become a physician because I had decided my career choice from such a young age. I thought to myself that just because I decided on my career at a younger age than most other people doesn't mean my career choice is wrong. I believe that sometimes as we grow older, we get bogged down by social constraints and that a child sometimes thinks in the right direction. Of course, my perception of a physician changed over time through my experiences in the medical field, such as seeing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#1B:
Ever since I could remember, my dream was to become a physician. In every class yearbook, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, filled in the blank was "doctor". In my kindergarten yearbook, I wrote "duktr" as my career and had a stick figure facing another smaller stick figure on a bed. I remember adults telling me what a big dream I have, but telling my parents to expect me to change my mind a million times. I never did. I didn't understand why they didn't believe me, but now I know where these adults were coming from when they made those comments to my parents. What child, especially a 7 year old, would know what they wanted to be? There are students in college who still don't know what they want to do for the rest of their life. What makes me different from any other 7 year old? It was for that reason that I sometimes doubted my career choice, but I've realized as I was going through college that sometimes children see clearer than the most knowledgeable adults because children still have that natural curiosity and are not weighed down by societal obligations. Just because I never changed my mind on what I wanted to be when I grew up doesn't make my choice invalid. However, my perception of medicine has changed over the years from the fantasy of a child just learning to read to a more realistic view.
#2:
Initially, I wanted to be a physician so I could learn all about the human body and to help people, but my reasons for pursuing medicine has grown beyond those more simplistic, child-like reasons. My experiences to get to where I am now has shaped my desires to become a physician. As a 5-year-old accompanying my parents to the local university's library, I picked out books with lots of pictures, biology, human anatomy and animal physiology textbooks, and sat next to my parents pouring over the pictures while my parents were writing their doctoral dissertations. I was enchanted with those books, and I asked for books related to anatomy for several Christmases and birthdays thereafter. After getting a book about diseases coupled going to the hospital to visit my sick piano teacher, I decided I wanted to be a physician to fix people and make them feel better.
#3A:
I was just shy of 7 years old by 3 months when I decided I wanted to be a physician. It was my first day of kindergarten, and one of the worksheets the teacher had us do that day was "draw a picture of what you want to be when you grow up." I drew a bed with a stick figure laying on it, and next to the bed was a bigger stick figure with a stethoscope. I labeled the drawing "Duktr". At that time, I wanted to be a physician to make people feel better, and I still stand by that reason to this day. Before, I had limited exposure to what a physician did other then what I experienced from my regular check-ups with my pediatrician and visits to the emergency department. My perception of a physician has changed over time through my experiences in the medical field, such as seeing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#3B:
On my first day of kindergarten, my teacher asked the class to draw a picture of what we wanted to be when we grew up. My almost 7-year-old self drew a bed with a stick figure laying in it and a bigger stick figure with a stethoscope next to the bed. The drawing was labeled "Duktr." I had limited exposure to what a physician did other then my experiences from my regular check-ups with my pediatrician and visits to the emergency department. At that time, I wanted to be a physician to make people feel better. I still stand by that reason to this day. My understanding of medicine and reasons for pursuing a career in medicine has evolved beyond my kindergarten days as I have grown older and experienced more about medicine through observing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing physicians in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
#3C:
I was 6 years old, almost 7 I would say to anyone that asked, and it was my first day of kindergarten. I sat at a table with three other kids. The teacher, who introduced herself as Mrs. McDaniel, handed out a drawing activity. She asked us to draw a picture of who we wanted to be when we grew up. I drew a stick figure laying in a bed and a bigger stick figure holding a stethoscope next to it. I wrote in big, sloppy letters with a crayon "Duktr." Fast forward 12 years to the present. That dream never left me, and instead, continued to grow, evolve, and be nurtured through my experiences in medicine, such as observing a human cadaver dissection when I was 10 years old, participating in the Hippocrates Circle in 7th grade, and shadowing physicians in a hospital during my undergraduate years.
Again, thanks so much for the feedback! I greatly appreciate it.
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