Please help me refine this essay.
Comments for application to the university of Utah
Note:
Undergraduates: A student may seek special consideration for admission if he/she believes that the traditional academic measures are not indicative of the student's potential for academic success. Students not admitted under the regular admission criteria may be considered for admission on an exception basis if they have characteristics and/or talents which will enhance the life and character of the institution. For example, students who have special talents or are from ethnic minority backgrounds may be considered for admission under this policy. If you believe such provisions apply to you, please note the extraordinary characteristics and provide a brief description in the comment section below.
*Please enter any additional comments you feel are pertinent to this application. Be concise.
It can best describe me that a persevering Taiwanese overcome the suffering from tourette's syndrome, learn about initiation, communication and cooperation from extracurricular activities, and can make a contribution to the university as well as future patent industry.
It is Tourette's syndrome strengthens my commitment to pursue advanced training and to contribute in technical fields and patent industry. Although most of my life is not affected, to overcome the disorder, I have to spend a little time practicing qigong and taking Chinese herb medicine persistently. This experience makes me determined to contribute to the field that can help patients in need of new effective biomedical products. Therefore, I have to study hard in the chemical engineering program, so that I could be qualified to benefit biomedical industry, which needs strategic patenting.
My involvement in extracurricular activities benefits my capacity to solve problem, and even contributes to my college. First, while serving as leader of the NSYSU Wind Band Club, I instituted a new measure in rehearsals by communicating with my team members. Collaborating as a team, we won the club award in 2007. Second, my experience as a student senator helped me become more familiar with the student experience and bylaws used in larger university settings. In this position I independently drafted a fundamental bill which was passed by unanimous decision, and which initiated the smooth function of the student congress. This experience will also help me make a contribution to the international student association in graduate school.
Q: 1. Is this paragraph relevent to the question?
2. Is the topic sentence appropriate?
In the future, I want to become a patent engineer. As a chemist learning about patent infringements, I am convinced of patents' importance for invention protection. I plan to help the results of research to be not only patented, especially in the great China region, but transferred to technical industry. They may be applied and developed into new techniques or products, offering new solutions to practical utilization, such as nanoparticles to cancer detection. In the long term, I want to help the development of Taiwan's biomedical industry with establishing the proprietary position of its products in the worldwide marketplace.
Q: Is this point relevant to the question?
Besides my prior academic experience, my experience in tourette's syndrome and extracurricular activities, along with my patent industry aspirations will additionally help me to be a valuable member of your program.
Comments for application to the university of Utah
Note:
Undergraduates: A student may seek special consideration for admission if he/she believes that the traditional academic measures are not indicative of the student's potential for academic success. Students not admitted under the regular admission criteria may be considered for admission on an exception basis if they have characteristics and/or talents which will enhance the life and character of the institution. For example, students who have special talents or are from ethnic minority backgrounds may be considered for admission under this policy. If you believe such provisions apply to you, please note the extraordinary characteristics and provide a brief description in the comment section below.
*Please enter any additional comments you feel are pertinent to this application. Be concise.
It can best describe me that a persevering Taiwanese overcome the suffering from tourette's syndrome, learn about initiation, communication and cooperation from extracurricular activities, and can make a contribution to the university as well as future patent industry.
It is Tourette's syndrome strengthens my commitment to pursue advanced training and to contribute in technical fields and patent industry. Although most of my life is not affected, to overcome the disorder, I have to spend a little time practicing qigong and taking Chinese herb medicine persistently. This experience makes me determined to contribute to the field that can help patients in need of new effective biomedical products. Therefore, I have to study hard in the chemical engineering program, so that I could be qualified to benefit biomedical industry, which needs strategic patenting.
My involvement in extracurricular activities benefits my capacity to solve problem, and even contributes to my college. First, while serving as leader of the NSYSU Wind Band Club, I instituted a new measure in rehearsals by communicating with my team members. Collaborating as a team, we won the club award in 2007. Second, my experience as a student senator helped me become more familiar with the student experience and bylaws used in larger university settings. In this position I independently drafted a fundamental bill which was passed by unanimous decision, and which initiated the smooth function of the student congress. This experience will also help me make a contribution to the international student association in graduate school.
Q: 1. Is this paragraph relevent to the question?
2. Is the topic sentence appropriate?
In the future, I want to become a patent engineer. As a chemist learning about patent infringements, I am convinced of patents' importance for invention protection. I plan to help the results of research to be not only patented, especially in the great China region, but transferred to technical industry. They may be applied and developed into new techniques or products, offering new solutions to practical utilization, such as nanoparticles to cancer detection. In the long term, I want to help the development of Taiwan's biomedical industry with establishing the proprietary position of its products in the worldwide marketplace.
Q: Is this point relevant to the question?
Besides my prior academic experience, my experience in tourette's syndrome and extracurricular activities, along with my patent industry aspirations will additionally help me to be a valuable member of your program.
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