hello i have written an sop fr my post graduation studies its is an design and management integrated course plz review
Dear Sir/Madam
With the present Statement of Purpose I wish to support my application to Ma Advertising & Design Program offered by jointly by school of design and school of business at the Leeds University.
With regards to my formal education, I graduated in Bachelors of fine art in Graphic design. A subject in which I keep great interest since my schooling days. Decorating or rather designing things to make them look good always fascinated me. Standard practices like Sketching, proportions, rendering, and design elements helped my education in providing strong grounding in subjects like graphic design, photography, and illustration. It was until third year when subjects like campaign and photography were introduced in our syllabus and my true caliber was unveiled. I was ranked 2nd among my classmates for that academic year and continued to work better and better. Since my bachelors program was highly practically oriented it helped me to build a strong vocabulary in design.
Though I come to graduate school to become a designer I still had a vague insight on how design industry works. Since my education was mainly focused on the graphical part of the creative's. I dint had much privilege of working on conceptual and idea based creative's. A small internship made me realize the small gaps in my education
What I am looking forward to most is further refining my understanding of concepts of visual communication and Advertising which will help me in understanding design as whole. Plus the business education will help me learn the professional aspects of marketing and widening my horizon of knowledge.
With the uniqueness of this business and design co-related course I am looking forward on working and gaining experience in advertising and design. I believe it would help me to develop my skill and design language, thus improving my knowledge and intellectual practice as graphic designer, also helping me enter in Design industries at an higher level
To have an opportunity to study in not one but two school as a school of design and Business school at Leeds university help me pursue my goal.
You have the word "by" appear twice in that first sentence...
It would be great if you could eplace that first sentence, which is a statement o the obvious, with a sentence that says something uniqu about your aspirations pertaining to the school. What is your clear, well-defined, specific vision for the use you will make of this school? Can you capture that in the intro sentence, and really make the reader know what kind of dreams you have?
With regard to my formal education, I graduated...
Or even:
With regards to my formal education, I graduated...
I graduated with a Bachelor of Fine Art in Graphic Design -- a subject in which I have had great interest since my schooling days. Decorating and designing things to make them look good always fascinated me.
With the uniqueness of this business and design co-related course, I am looking forward to working and gaining experience in advertising and design.
Good luck with this! In addition to what I did, I bet some other people will find more improvements to make.
thnx a lot a Kev .. i'll work on it :)
I like the content of this essay, but there are too many grammatical errors for a graduate admission essay. Watch out for sentence fragments. I see that you also sometimes misuse prepositions, so you may want to brush up on them.
thankx . i am working on it, but i wud like to mention that english is not my first language so if you can pin point the grammatical errors it wud be a gr8 help.
it wud be a gr8 help.
To improve your grammar, get into the habit of always writing in full words and sentences, rather than using text messaging abbreviations such as "wud" and "gr8."
thanks a lot rajiv. yes i will definitely get into the habbit of writing in full words. Infact this text message habbit is ruining my spellings also, sometimes i tends to forget simple spellings.
Infact this text message habbit is ruining my spellings also, sometimes i tends to forget simple spellings.
You're not the only one! That's why I always encourage students to use text messaging abbreviations
only when actually texting.
Pathetically moribund.
I had a very difficult time trying to rationalize anything about your essay, even prompt aside; coherent sentences in the context of this bewildering essay are akin to gold.
Try revising it to make SOME kind of sense, by navigating a logical, well defined track.
Once you've done that, repost, and there may be a chance that someone can help you.
As is, I hope you have something else going for you (grades?) to offset -- at least mitigate -- the disastrous impression that this essay is sure to leave on your reader.
ahh...allrite thank you for the churlish piece of advise.
If I was being churlish, you wouldn't know it.
I'd heap so much praise on you, raucously, you would be incapable of hearing the snickering.
Mustafa, you are a stitch. While I sometimes wish you would be kinder to other forum members, I really appreciate your verve.
Mustafa, you seem to have misunderstood the meaning of "churlish". You were in fact rude, insulting, and uncivil. Worse, it was unnecessary. Consider this revision of your post:
Pathetically moribund.
I had a very difficult time following your essay.trying to rationalize anything about your essay, even prompt aside;Many of your sentences are not coherent sentences in the context of this bewildering essay are akin to gold.
Try revising it to make SOMEkind ofmore sense, by navigating a logical, well defined track. [You might here have offered a suggestion as to how the author could go about doing that]
Once you've done that, repost, and there may be a chance that someone can help you.
As is, I hope you have something else going for you (grades?) to offset -- at least mitigate -- the disastrous impression that this essay is sure to leave on your reader.
Notice that the useful content of your post remains the same after revision. Writing the original may have been fun for you, but, given the context, it is poor writing, because the sarcasm makes the reader less likely to take your advice, or to view your post as helpful.
Look guys i am not here for fighting or to abuse anyone in anyway, i really appreciate the help i got from everyone here.
As for Mustafa, you mite be well versed in english but add a little four letter word ''CooL'' in your dictionary and in your nature. Stick your head in some other thread.
If you still having a very difficult time trying to rationalize, F*ck Off
Your essay isn't workable. I offered that you post again to have a better chance at receiving help.
The rest is all fun because it's already been expressed that your essay is untenable.
I could have just as easily said, "repost, this essay won't do it" and you'd be feeling much differently. In the end, the result is the same, if you're able to comprehend the notion of an obstructive ceiling. The ceiling was layed out -- your essay needs to be redone. Anything accompanying that advice which disparages your essay, means nothing because I think you need a do-over anyway.
You shouldn't take any offense, but rather disown the essay and start again.
I have made some changes in the context Please Review ...
Dear Sir/Madam,
with this Statement of Purpose, I wish to support my application for MA in Advertising & Design Program offered jointly by School of Design and School of Business at the XXXX University.
Design a term which has heavily influenced my life throughout. Decorating and designing things to make them look good always fascinated me. Making posters for sports event, annual day, and competitions was something in which I participated extensively in my schooling days.
My love for design encouraged me to take up higher studies in fine arts. With my formal training in fine art, knowledge of proportions & design, techniques of sketching, & visual balance gave me a firm grounding in, graphic design, photography and illustration. During the latter half of my graduation subjects like campaign and photography were introduced in our syllabus, that I discovered my true interest. I was ranked 2nd for third academic year, and continued to improve my work thereafter. With a practical approach of my bachelors program I was able to develop quiet a flair for design.
Since my education was focused mainly on the graphics & visual, I did not get a chance to hone my concept and idea building skills that are essential for any communication design. A company internship that I did recently made me realize this gap in my education.
To my mind a real career in advertising cannot be made until one studies it. Since the excellence of corporate communications lies in its effectiveness, there is certainly a need for academically trained professionals who are taught to be more strategic and graphically competent.
I am looking forward to broaden my understanding in concept & idea generation for visual communication and advertising in detail, as this will propel me further in my interests. Additionally, An advanced skill in communication in close co-ordination with the roots of management is what I believe is essential and something that will help me learn the professional aspects, industry norms and requirements, thus enabling me to step into the advertising world with confidence, competence and zeal to progress.
I am looking forward to be part of your prestigious university and wish to study the unique business and design co-related course to learn more, improve, sharpen my skills and fulfill my endeavors and goals.
Let's begin at the beginning. I assume that design itself, rather than the word "design," is what influenced you. Also, you need to make yourself the agent of your sentences. So, here is one way you might rewrite your first paragraph:
I've always been fascinated by design. Throughout my life, I've enjoyed decorating and designing things to make them look good. In my school days, I made posters for sports events, competitions, and other extra-curricular activities.
A while back, I suggested you read my article on using strong verbs. I will repeat that advice now, adding that you especially need to work on eliminating forms of "to be" such as "is," "are," "was," and "were."
At one point, you're using the verb once every sentence:
"During the latter half of my graduation subjects like campaign and photography were introduced in our syllabus, that I discovered my true interest. I was ranked 2nd for third academic year, and continued to improve my work thereafter. With a practical approach of my bachelors program I was able to develop quiet a flair for design.
Since my education was focused mainly on the graphics & visual, I did not get a chance to hone my concept and idea building skills that are essential for any communication design."
Even when you aren't using forms of "to be," you are using other weak verbs:
"Since my education was focused mainly on the graphics & visual, I did not get a chance to hone my concept and idea building skills that are essential for any communication design. A company internship that I did recently made me realize this gap in my education."
Until you revise your essay and hinge it on strong verbs, it will remain too weak to garner much interest from your readers.
Nishessh. There are two things here. One is learning to write well, and correct english; and the other to get the "best" essay out to the university you're applying to. Learning can be fun, but then be prepared to come here very often and keep putting up things you write. Over months and maybe longer, you will find substantial improvements in your writing -- and being able to say the things you really want to.
For this essay, if you want to send out the best you can, because your need is the admission, then repost the essay I corrected. After some more inputs, that one really will serve the purpose you want.
Rajiv, that is lovely and very useful advice. I can see from your own posts that you are serious about finding ways to say the things you really want to say. That's the whole point of writing and is much more important, in the long run, than any one essay.
Thank you Simone.
