Process Safety; SOP for M.S. in Safety Engineering Program

Dear All,
I am glad that I found this website and I would be grateful if you can provide your insights and comments with regards to my Personal Statement below. FYI, I am trying to apply for a Master Degree in Safety Engineering. Thank you in advance for your help and Happy New Year!

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To Whom It May Concern,

I am applying to the M.S. in Safety Engineering for the Fall 2013. It is my ambition to develop myself as a well-trained process safety engineer and establish an advanced technical career in the oil and gas industry.

My decision to apply for M.S. in Safety Engineering was not a quick decision. It has been built over a long time and deep thinking and searching. I graduated from XXX University with a B.Sc. in Chemical Engineering with 3.51/4.00 GPA in 19XX. In the period of study at XXX University, I have undertaken various courses like heat transfer, fluid mechanics, mass transfer, process control, chemical reaction engineering, and engineering management, which had introduced me to various theoretical concepts and methods which are widely used in oil and gas industry.

After my graduation, I returned back to XXX and joined XXX as Process Design Engineer supporting XXX Projects in XXX. My work experience with XXX has enabled me to become more familiar with oil & gas industry and understand the industry's challenges. My assignments with XXX have been very educating and satisfying. I had been tasked in various roles such as Lead Process Design Engineer, Corporate Planning Engineer, Project Engineering Supervisor and recently as Project Manager for XXX Project in XXX as my part of secondment to XXX. In this project, I have a group of 23 project team members working with me.

Over the XX years working in XXX, I developed a great interest in Process Safety in oil and gas facilities, especially during my assignment as Process Design Engineer. I had many opportunities to participate and eventually lead multiple HAZOP reviews for the designed facilities and existing facilities. These opportunities have continued to develop my blooming interest in understanding the principles and practices of process safety engineering.

I wish to pursue my graduate studies at your esteemed institution, as I believe that the master degree program in XXX will help me to realize my ultimate goal, which is to develop myself as a well-trained process safety engineer and establish an advanced technical career in the oil and gas industry.

Process Safety is a relatively emerging field in various locations in the world. More and more focus is being given to ensure that all facilities are being designed, built and operated in safe manner. Therefore, I plan to invest the knowledge and experience I gain at XXX to contribute to this emerging field to the oil and gas industry in my future assignment. Thus, the M.S. in Safety Engineering program at your respected university is not only a tailor-fit for my personal interest, but serves the future strategic plans of my company and country.

In addition, I am sure that exposure to cutting edge facilities, interaction with renowned faculty at your institution will help develop my knowledge and versatility and help me to face stiff global competition. It would be a great privilege to be able to do my graduate studies at XXX University, and I am quite confident that I will match the high standards set by your university.

Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your response.

Sincerely yours,

Your SOP is very direct, however, the admissions committee already knows you're applying to their program. Also, the admissions committee will know about your educational history as well. Clearly, they might not have your resume on hand but you've already given them your resume through the application. (I believe so. If not, ignore me lol.) What I'm trying to convey is that your SOP should be another part of the application process that compliments your chances of getting in, not a written version of your application. I believe you need to show the committee who you are as a person and why you are this way. I'm sure there were events in your life that made you want to thrive so far to have a M.S. in Safety Engineering. Write about those experiences and how they made you who you are today. This way, the admissions committee will be pleased to read a personal and thoughtful essay. I realize I may seem very blunt with my critique, but I only mean to contribute and help. :) You have impressive credentials, but you should write about why you've pushed yourself to be who you are.

It has been built over a long time with deep thinking and continuous sought.


Before coming to this point, I feel you better say something to bridge your earlier sentence and this. I mean, you just mention about taking the decision, but do not tell them anything about what made you to take it. One sentence in support of that would be a fine inclusion here. :)

dumi
Thanks so much Dumi. I added to elaborate more...

"It has been built over a long time with deep thinking and continuous sought. It started when I attended a training and during the training, we were shown a video clip of an incident happened in 1988 in Offshore North Sea (The Piper Alpha Platform Incident). The devastation of the incident and more than 150 workers lost their life when the incident could have been prevented if process safety requirements were followed. The video clip had triggered my interest since that relates with my job at the time as process design engineer. Throughout the years, even with changing of assignments and roles, I learned more and more on the important of Process Safety in design, projects and also operations."

Thanks so much KEJohnson94. I will try to add a couple paragraphs to personalize the SOP and highlights how my experiences have defined me... May need some more time to do that since I am used to "direct" writing and not that personalize... :)

I will try to post the new para soonest.

dumi
Thank you again Dumi. I will incorporate these edits. Thanks again!