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'rapidly fluctuating economy' - admission in financial engineering



ayra_16 2 / 6  
Nov 4, 2011   #1
What are your short term and long term goals? How will your previous academic and professional experience contribute to help you achieve these goals, and also help you to succeed in the MS in Finance program at ABC University.

Please review my essay, I know that it's long and that I need to shorten it. I just so confused since it's my first time and I have no one to help me. I would appreciate any help provided

Today's rapidly fluctuating economy has rather inspired me than frighten me. When it comes to the finance sector, there is always something new to learn and it requires one to be accurate and up to date with the financial information and techniques. I enjoy learning new things and keeping myself updated with what's going around and the ever changing and growing financial world motivates me to take a wider step and achieve larger goals. My short term goal at present is to acquire an in-depth knowledge about the various aspects of finance and trading. With the knowledge gained here, I plan to take up a career in trading or investment banking. My long term goal is to pursue a career in Environmental finance. Being born in a country which is suffering from poverty, diseases, pollution and power shortages, I always wanted to do something that will benefit the future generation. Careers in carbon trading are gaining worldwide popularity and the concept of weather trading has now come into existence, such approaches must be carried out at present to sustain the environment. I want to work with a government or private sector firms who provide such opportunities where I could aid in providing financial decisions that can also be environment friendly. With this motive, I plan to leverage the experiences I gained to start my own a green business consulting firm.

Being an Information Technology undergraduate student, I had developed strong computational and quantitative skills. Having a family with a financial background inspired me to get into this field ever since I was a child. During my undergraduate studies, I had participated in several events and have been appointed with many important responsibilities. I was the treasurer for "XXX 2006-2010," a national level symposium conducted by the Information Technology department. My role was to plan the events' budgets and to look after the funds and make sure that the expenditure is within the budget provided. Initially, I was appointed as a one time treasure, however since I had managed to carry out my role successfully, I was the treasurer for four years. I was one of the toppers in class during third year and am among the top 5 percentile overall. I have always loved problem solving and having appeared in several competitive exams, I have developed my problem solving skills over the years.

I had interned at yyy (a national broadcast news company) where I part of the event production team and features. It was my first venture in the professional world. Though my main role was public relations, I was also given the opportunity to provide marketing ideas and help in cutting down budgets. My experience there taught me how to approach clients, make decisions and tackle problems. Being a volunteer at ZZZ, a non-profit initiative established to promote Eco-friendly foods and a green lifestyle, had brought me to step closer in helping to save the environment. I always wanted to take up a career in finance, but the knowledge I gained here inspired me to move a step forward and concentrate on the environmental finance. My professional experience so far has been a major factor behind my goals.

I believe that my academic and professional experience will help me achieve my goals to a certain limit. However, a Masters degree in finance will provide me immense knowledge about the decision making strategies and risk management tactics thereby enabling me to put the details learnt into practice and thereby ensuring that I achieve my long term goals successfully. I strongly assure you that I can succeed in the Master of Science in Financial Engineering program at ABC for I have adequate skills and the determination to excel.

Prettywings 1 / 74  
Nov 4, 2011   #2
Today's rapidly fluctuating economy has rather inspired me rather than frightened me.

date with the financial information and techniques.

I enjoy learning new things and keeping myself updated withabreast of what's going aroundtranspires in the financial world.andAnd it is this the ever changing and growing financial world that motivates me to take a wider step and achieve larger goals.

PresentlyMm y short term goal at present is to acquire an in-depth

I plan to take upIt is my objective to assume a career in trading or investment banking.

I have always wanted to do something meaningful that will benefit the future generation.

where I was a part of the event

goals to a certain limitdegree
OP ayra_16 2 / 6  
Nov 5, 2011   #3
Thank you correcting my essay. I would also love to have your feedback, do you think I should write a better essay? Or are my goals and motives strongly conveyed here? I know it's long and I will shorten it apart from that does it need anything?
Prettywings 1 / 74  
Nov 5, 2011   #4
I feel your essay is well-written and cogently articulates your professional goals and your motivation behind wanting to earn this degree. I enjoyed reading your essay and I didn't feel it was too long. With that said, what length must your essay be?
OP ayra_16 2 / 6  
Nov 5, 2011   #5
I feel more positive now thanks to your feedback. The essay should not exceed 2 pages and it should be double spaced with 12 point Times Roman font. Currently the essay is two and a half pages long therefore I have to cut down 3-4 sentences.
Prettywings 1 / 74  
Nov 5, 2011   #6
Here are two other minor suggested revisions:
Having a family with a financial background inspired me to get intoenter this field ever

I was one of the topperstop students in class during the third year, and am among the top 5 percentile overall.


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