Hello l am new in forum. Can you rate my toefl ibt essay ? Thank you very much..
Child growing is quite important for families. They want to best things for children. For example, families want to best education, best living condition and most importantly best place where their child live. They can find all of the best things in better place for children. In this respect, it is crucial for children grow up in the countryside. There are several reason to this idea. Among these reasons, can we consider environmental situtation, economic situation and less stressful life.
To begin with, environmental situation is crucial for children development in countryside. Environment where children live, have to be clean. That is to say, clean environment means that less pollution. Morever, when there is less pollution, children can reach more natural resources. To illustrate, when l was a young, l lived in counrtyside. At that times, l have a fresh air and less polluted environment. Otherwise, when l moved to big cities, l never breath fresh air.
What is more, we may analyze economic scope of this topic. To exemplify, poor families cannot afford enough money in big cities because of their economic situation. Because, big cities can be rather expensive. In this respect, then cannot meet children expenses in big cities. Hence, if they lived in countryside, they could be meet children expenses easily.
Finally, living in countryside can provide less stressful life for children. They cannot hear great deal of noises. In addition, they cannot lost in crowded. This less stressful life can influnce their success. According to one research, children who is grow up in countryside, can be more success than children who grow up in big cities. For example, my counsin who move from countryside to big city , could not used to live in big city due to lots of stress. Therfore, he has been given medical treatment.
Based on what has been disussed above, we may arrive at the conclusion that growing up in countryside is significant for children.
Your essay is full of grammatical errors. You should turn the auto correct setting on your computer on so you will easily be able to detect fragments and spelling errors. When you are specifying you should use "The" and not "To". You also used too many transition words. I suggest you don't use one until you are moving on to a new paragraph or starting a new idea do you don't sound redundant. When you finish with an essay, go over it, reading it aloud to yourself until it sounds right. I think you need to practice a lot more with your writing to prepare for the TOEFL. You have the ideas, you just need to
Just my opinion, I'm not an essay expert. Good luck! :)
