He reminds me why I have chosen this major, and why working with children is where I see myself

Statement of Purpose

It is easy to take for granted the things that come easily to us, and there is a profound sense of loss when we lose the ability to control what we previously have. For most, communication begins at birth with a simple cry and develops into a complex skill that is wielded with ease, and everyday there are children who are being overlooked, bullied, and lacking the skills that come so readily to most. There is no great secret behind the theory of early intervention, and the benefits when employed are great, especially for the portion of our population that are diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It is hard for me to comprehend that there have been no studies that can explain the cause and a lack of comprehensive treatment, especially with the diagnosis of Autism in the United States rapidly increasing. Growing up with 3 first cousins who have varying degrees of Autism and various communication abilities has given me insight into the challenges that those with language disorders face. Watching my family members struggle to express themselves and my own difficulty in communicating with my loved ones provided the spark that ignited my desire to pursue a career as a Speech-Language Pathologist.

Throughout my time at the University of Central Florida (UCF), I have had the opportunity to foster my knowledge in the Communication Sciences and Disorders field and develop qualities that would make me an asset if given the opportunity to enter the graduate program at ____________. Throughout my time as an undergraduate student, I have challenged myself and demonstrated that I am a capable, hardworking student. Balancing my coursework, a job, shadowing experience, and a leadership position in an organization on campus has given me an opportunity to perfect my time management and organizational skills, as well as allowing me to hone my leadership qualities in order to prepare for life after graduation.

After earning my Master's degree, I intend to work as a Speech-Language Pathologist in a clinical setting and specializing in work with children who have Autism. For the past 6 months, I have spent time working for a family with a special needs child, Anthony. Diagnosed with Down Syndrome and Autism, though Anthony has quite a bit to say, he struggles to form speech that is comprehensible to others. Despite this being a great source of frustration, Anthony is undoubtedly the happiest, kindest, and most loving child I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and every day I see him I am reminded not only why I have chosen this major, but why working with children is where I see myself.

Lauren, your opening statement is very strong and shows a sense of determination in terms of working in the line of your advocacy. However, the statement of purpose lacks much needed information before it can even be deemed to be a draft copy of your SOP. For starters, while you mention the university that you graduated from, you neglected to inform the reviewer of the course major that you took there. That course major should have a direct relation to your interest in the SLP. Next, you cannot tell the reviewer about your abilities as a student. You have to show him by offering up evidence of your academic excellence, related program training, and actual work experience if possible.

As with any other statement of purpose, you must reflect upon the end goal of your career in SLP. Why are you pushed to excel in this field? What is it that you want to accomplish? Be specific. Right now, you have it stated in generalized terms. We need the big picture to be presented to the reviewer. It would certainly help your essay if you had any actual work experience either as an intern, volunteer, or some work that you did in a related capacity. By the way, are you vying for admission into a thesis or non thesis program? I may have additional advice for you if you are trying to get into a thesis based program.

The work experience with Anthony doesn't belong at the end of the page. It should be placed towards the middle, as an example of your work related experience. The last paragraph should contain information as to why you chose to apply at this university in particular among all the SLP universities that you could have chosen. Make it strong and convincing. We need to make the reviewer believe that no other university can help you achieve your academic goals except this university.

Edited body of paragraph:

"After 3.5 years as a Communication Sciences and Disorders major at the University of Central Florida (UCF), I have had the opportunity to not only foster my knowledge in this field, but to develop qualities that I believe will make me an asset if provided the opportunity to enter the graduate program at ___________. Throughout my time at UCF I have balanced my coursework, a job, shadowing experience, and a leadership position in an organization on campus and maintained a 3.5 GPA in my major. I have pursued opportunities to further my knowledge of this profession and spent my final semester shadowing three Speech-Language Pathologists in Brevard County Schools in order to bridge the gap between what I've learned through my undergraduate classes and what being an SLP actually means. After earning my Master's degree, I intend to work as a Speech-Language Pathologist in a clinical setting and specializing in work with children who have Autism. For the past 6 months, I have spent time working for a family with a special needs child, Anthony. Diagnosed with Down Syndrome and Autism, though Anthony has quite a bit to say, he struggles to form speech that is comprehensible to others. Despite this being a great source of frustration, Anthony is undoubtedly the happiest, kindest, and most loving child I have ever had the pleasure of meeting and every day I see him I am reminded not only why I have chosen this major, but why working with children is where I see myself. In order to accomplish my goals and gain more experience, I have submitted an application to acquire my temporary teaching certificate, as well as submitted an application to Brevard Public Schools to work as an SLP in the 6 months between my graduation this December and this Fall. "

Does this read any better, or does it ramble? Thank you so much for your feedback, I knew I was missing key components, I just was unable to determine how to fix it. I am applying for a non-thesis program.

Lauren, you seem to be a bit apprehensive to deliver the key information that relates to your previous educational and work experience. Let me point out the fields that you need to develop further in the discussion.

1. Specifically mention the doctors you shadowed, where, and the inclusive dates. This will take the place of your work experience.
2. Mention the campus organization you are a member of and what your leadership position in it was. If this has a relation to speech language, make sure to mention it.

3. Give the reviewer an idea as to what being an SLP means to you. That will add substance to your "purpose" for pursuing this course.

If you work on improving these points, you will be able to provide the information that reviewers normally consider for these sorts of applications and lessen the tendency of your essay be secretive but rambling. You have to specifically mention the doctors you shadowed and the dates because the reviewer will be keen to verify that information. You can no longer just mention these sorts of experience without offering supporting information because these are now verified by universities that you apply to in most instances.