"Revenge not only douse our deep ire but it also could be revealing." It all started when I was used as scapegoat multiple times for commenting behind the professors in my higher secondary class. My deep seated resentment was not letting me sit quiet and watch the professors chastising me and receive smirks from a group of dim-witted colleagues. It was season of cultural festivals. The same group of dim-witted boys were to perform a play on inaugural ceremony. I, trying to channel my own indignation out, were fully intended to become a saboteur. I succeeded when the wireless microphones on their collars were not working properly. I enjoyed standing at the corner of backstage and watching their extreme distress, not knowing what's wrong with the mics. It was because of the FM Jammer I built up on small breadboard using simple IC7404 TTL Hex inverter, one variable tuning capacitor and a 9V battery supply. Of course I did not already know how to build up a jammer. I googled everything about how to design one. In this process I learnt the working of the components I used up to some extent. To my surprise, I revel more in building circuitry than in seeking vengeance. This was a herald which made me change my specialisation to electronics and telecommunication in engineering from computer science in junior college. This incident thrived my interest in electronic components and their working . Soon I developed a rather profound and intuitive fascination in exploring different electronic gadgets, especially with regard to their construction and operation. Studying an assortment of electronic circuitry and devices became my passion. Engineering was no longer a way to a lucrative job and an affluent lifestyle, but a means to achieve what I was destined for .
Right from my schooling I loved science. I chose physics, chemistry , mathematics and computer science in my higher secondary school. I started exploring deeper in electronics after getting admission for engineering. During the course of my undergraduate study I was exposed to various courses with applications like Electromagnetic field, Linear Integrated Circuits, Electronics Circuits devices, power electronics, Control Systems, Digital Communication , Fibre Optics, Microwaves , Digital Signal Processing, Micro processors & Micro Controllers which formed the base for my well sculpted Undergraduate. My technical visits to Prasar Bharati (Doordarshan), India's largest public broadcaster. We were brought to light about the various baseband systems employed in the reception and transmission processes. The use of various transmitters in different bands and the methods employed to attenuate the distortions gave us a brief idea about the Antenna and Wave propagation system. To further enhance my knowledge I underwent an Industrial visit at BSNL, a government owned company which is the largest provider of fixed telephony in India. There I was exposed to a working model of the obsolete relay based switching system which provided me with a shrewd insight of how archaic telephone switching system performed.
Technical knowledge without software acquaintance and managerial skills is incomplete. Softwares like Eagle, TopWin, Keil, Proteus, MATLAB, Xilinx are some of the softwares I got my hands on. These softwares provides computational model of the circuit to enhance the understanding of complex phenomenon of circuit designs and components. Attending workshop on Embedded system uplifted my inclination towards Micro Controllers and Micro Processors. Coupled with my skills in programming languages like C, C++ I learnt in 11th n 12th, I started writing programs to control the behaviour of electronic circuitry. Deeply kindled by my zest for electronics I spent the spare time in my home designing small electric circuits like smoke alarm, infra red door alarm, remote controlled home appliances and some other wireless circuits. For this I had to learn a lot about the various components involved and this gave me an overall idea about the electric circuit I was working upon. I presented several papers on recent electronics trends in many national level technical festivals and won some of them. In 3rd year I published a research paper on ' Installation of Blackbox in Automobiles' in IOSR. In which I developed a theoretical model of a special Blackbox to be deployed in automobile. Automotive black boxes are different than the kind that is in airplanes, which continuously record audio, mechanical functions and location. In cars, the box only transmits information to the car's computer in the event of a crash or air bag deployment. Recorders capture vehicle speed, brake activity, crash forces and even seatbelt use at the time of the event. In the same year under the incredible guidance of my mentor Prof. M. D. Bharti, founder of I-Base Electrosoft previously known as MDB Electrosoft, I worked as an intern for Automatic Rationing for Public Distribution System (PDS) using RFID and GSM Module project. In this system every person will be assigned a RFID card which will contain the ID and address of the person. The RFID card will also contain the ration credit history of the Buyer as well as the distributer. This would mitigate the illegal smuggling and irregular supply of Government ration and ultimately corruption. I worked on 'Prudent Braking System' as a final year project of my engineering. Decline of accidents rate on highways keeping this objective in mind I proposed idea of automatic braking in cars to our guide. He found this idea remarkable and agreed to guide us through it. We built up an assembly to be installed on steering wheel. This assembly comprised of set of IR sensors coupled with microcontrollers and driving motors. Main function of this assembly was to alert the driver in case he takes his hands off the steering wheel and decelerate if he loses control over the car.
I would also, at this juncture like to pinpoint the fact that I have been widely recognized for my leadership qualities too when I was selected as Vice President and President of Electronics and Telecommunication Student Association in 3rd and 4th year of my college and also as an event coordinator at a national level technical symposium hosted by my department. Right from my high school, I am playing badminton. I represented my college and school at district and state level almost every year. The training and habit of playing kept me fit and has instilled in me an inner discipline which enables me to handle all parts of my life with ease.
My vocation has always been to work towards new frontiers of technology, and always work with the purpose of getting the best result. Over the last few years during my engineering curricula . I have become motivated towards pursuing a career in research. Research has interested me, because one is always working on something new, that no one else has worked on, and one can always pursue one's own interest to the fullest. Research provides one with new challenges daily, which one won't come across in other jobs. I strongly believe in both the theoretical aspects of research as well as their applications. I consider the latter to be as important and relevant as the former. I am extremely interested in pursuing a MS at your university. I am primarily interested in Power Electronics. And I would like to work under guidance of Mr Raja Ayyanar and Sarbanthi Choudhari, who are working on Wideband Semiconductors Research in association with The Government and Private sectors, to explore the true potential of semiconductors in power conversion.
In fact, ten years from now, I envisage myself as a full-fledged research professional in an organization or a faculty member at one of the leading universities. In order to fulfill this aim of mine, I seek to enroll for a MS in Electrical engineering at your University. Through the department brochure I realize that a vast gamut of opportunities exist in your department. Hence I am keen in joining your program, and furthering your research..
I look forward to joining ___ASU_____University as a Graduate student at your esteemed department.
Sam, are you currently an electrical engineering undergraduate? What I mean is, are you just about to complete your college degree in this field of study? The reason that I ask is because your statement of purpose is badly lacking in terms of professional experience. All of your most important information seems to be more based upon the academic side of your studies instead of the current practical applications that you should have experienced had you been working in the field already. If you are still an undergraduate, then I suggest that you review your approach to the essay.
In any given statement of purpose, the focus of the essay must be on the current and future aspirations of the applicant. Please consider changing the content of your essay to center more on that aspect. Right now, I really do not think that the current opening paragraph is a good one because it talks of a negative side to your personality, that of being a vindictive person. Since you are performing a preliminary introduction of yourself to the reviewer, I strongly advise against presenting that story. Not only is it considered not too important in your application because these are events that happened to you in high school, it also leaves a questionable impression of your character with the reviewer.
In order to make up for your lack of skills, training, and professional experience, you should call the reviewer's attention to the research that you wish to perform as a masters degree student in this field. What particular dissertation do you have in mind to undertake during your studies? How do you see the university offerings / curricula/ internship / training programs working hand in hand with your dissertation? Prove that you will eventually be a game changer in this field because of your plan of research. That is how you set yourself apart from the pack of applicants when you are lacking in professional skills.
I don't believe that you essay benefits from your degrading yourself within the essay. It is not in your best interest to every say that you lack training in something. Instead, revise the paragraph to say that you have "limited exposure" to certain program languages, etc. It is important to show yourself off as a hard working and determined student who will do whatever it takes to succeed.
Samrudha, I'd like to commend you in coming up with a detailed essay, it's precisely written for it's purpose.
However, looking at your essay on a different perspective, as much as I would like to get to know you with your essay, I think it's a bit lengthy.
You took too much space on elaborating your technical skills and know- how, don't get me wrong, yes you have to detailed and elaborate in your essay but you have to make sure that there is not much information on your essay to the point that you are drowning the reader.
What I suggest for you to do is to shorten the technical part of the essay like this below;
- Softwares like Eagle, TopWin, Keil, Proteus, MATLAB, Xilinx,etc., are some of...
- These softwares provides computational model of the circuit to enhance the understanding of complex phenomenon of circuit designs and components. Attending workshop on Embedded system uplifted my inclination towards Micro Controllers and Micro Processors.(this sentences can be deleted )
- Coupled with my skills in programming languages like C, C++ I learnt in 11th n 12th, I started writing
- programs to control the behaviourbehavior of electronic circuitry.
- Deeply kindled by my zest for electronics I spent the spare time in my home designing small electric circuits like smoke alarm, infra red door alarm, remote controlled home appliances and some other wireless circuits.
This are just a few of the sentences that can be deleted, believe me they don't affect the overall purpose of your essay, it helps your essay not to look so rowdy or overloaded with information.
I hope my remarks help.
@vangispen Thanks for your quick reply. I graduated this year,2015. N currently I am not working anywhere. So how could I mention my practical or professional experience?
I agree that the opening para gives negative impression but I suppose a sop with starting with story sounds interesting to read. Would it be okay if I turn the same story to give a positive impression? If yes, What elements do I have to remove from the story?
U asked me to call the reviewer's attention to the research I want to do. I Too wanted to add those. But that would have increased already lengthy SOP. can you pls highlight the redundant/unwanted part that I can remove in order to add the Research Attributes...
Thanks a lot again...
@justIvy03 - Thank You for quick review. It means a lot to me.
I know SOP is bit lengthy. I will work on it.
What's your take on the starting/ introductory para? To what extent should I change it?
Canyou pls highlight the grammatical mistakes I have committed?
Samrudha, let me share my thoughts, though your first paragraph is the story of what sparked your interest in Engineering, it should not be written as dark as it is.
Try to mellow it a little bit, such as;
Back of the stage is where I took a spot in watching a play for an inaugural ceremony, everything and all that the program was about to do seemed to be doing pretty well until, a snap from one of the wires that linked the microphones and all that is needed for the stage to function left the event high and dry. On my side however, it sparked an interest in this vast complexity of wirings, mechanics and Engineering in general. (at this point you can continue with this sentence below)
- This was a herald which made me change my specialisationspecialization to electronics and telecommunication...
To start your essay on a positive note, a vibrant environment also draws readers and the admission panel to your essay. More so, it speaks about yourself and the kind of person you are.
Remember, your black and white writing is like your heart and soul and taking a risk in writing an essay that starts with a negative note is not worth it.
I wish my remarks helped.
Sam, did you ever participate in any internship programs while you were in college? Internship experience also classifies as "work experience" when applying for masters degree admission. The professional requirements for a masters degree student are really pretty flexible, provided that you can convince the reviewer that the experience was something that convinced you of a need to enroll in higher education immediately after graduation. Remember, the reason that most people enroll in masters studies is because these people have come to the realization that while their college education provided a strong enough foundation for their current careers, it doesn't really offer them much of a chance in terms of advancing in their current career choice. So if we can present an indication that the masters degree is something that you are studying in order to better prepare yourself for your career in the future, then the essay just might work to your benefit :-)
I am of the opinion that because the story started way in high school, it will not really impress the reviewer. So it should not be used in the essay. Remember, the other masters degree students applying will be impressing the reviewer from the very beginning of their statement of purpose with their work experience and career goals. I sincerely believe that you should leave the high school part of your interest in electrical engineering be left out. It is really not a serious consideration in your application and will only continue to lengthen your essay when you should be shortening it.
Rather than keeping that negative story, why not turn your first paragraph instead into a presentation of your idea for your dissertation? Show the relevance of the dissertation idea to the future plans you have for revitalizing or creating a breakthrough in the field of electrical engineering? Forward thinking essays are normally well accepted in these circles because the universities are always looking for the future next big name in the field to attach the name of their university to. So that will turn into a huge positive for your application. If you have an impressive dissertation, add that to your "internship or other work related experience" and you will be able to create a highly positive statement of purpose.
I hope I was able to answer all of your questions. I really believe that the suggestions I made, specifically about removing the references to high school, will help lower the word count of your essay to a huge extent. I would like to advice you about something in relation to that though. Since you are still writing the draft of the essay, don't keep the word count in your mind for now. Just keep writing. Make it as long and informative as possible. It is always easier to edit out parts during the drafting process, than it is to write an effective essay with the writer being conscious of the word count. I will be more than happy to continue helping you edit the over the limit essay. That is always how a student ends up with the best possible essay, regardless of whether it is a personal statement or statement of purpose.
@vangiespen & @justivy03 Thanks a ton for the valuable suggestions... Will make the changes accordingly n post it in the same thread...
Feeling like I've got counsellors. Your critics means a lot to me. All the comments were comprehensive n meaningful. Thanks to both of you.
I modifies the starting para... Plz let me know how does it sound.
"Epiphanies are so formidable that they can lead you to your destination" Something was wrong with microphones when we were rehearsing our play before inaugural ceremony of cultural festival in my higher secondary class. An epiphany I had, it might be the interference from a small radio transmitter in the vicinity our college premise. All my sweat and tears rendered fruitful when all the wireless mics during our inaugural play worked seamlessly. It was because of FM Jammer tuned to the freq of radio tower i built on a small breadboard ...
Talking about epiphanies will definitely be better than talking about revenge in your essay. I like this new intro to the paragraph that you developed. It sounds like it should work much better in coordination with the rest of the information in the essay. If this is really the foundation for your interest in Electrical Engineering then I will no longer insist that you remove it. It seems that you really want to tell this story even though it is not a necessary part of the statement of purpose.
So what we have to do with the paragraph now is use it to introduce your plans for further developing a particular aspect of electrical engineering using that experience as the basis for the research. Remember how I told you that you can make up for the lack of work experience and hands on training or seminars through your early experience in the field? That is how you can best use this high school experience that you insist on keeping in the essay.
Find some sort of part or aspect of what happened that has led you on the quest to further improve the field of electrical engineering. Then form that into a question that could be used as the basis for research. Once you do that, you will be able to better direct your sop towards the more practical and non-professional experience related discussion.
Like I said, this new introduction really helps the paragraph and allows you to better play with the information in order to make it more relevant to your masters degree studies. Let me know if there is anything I can do to help you develop that part of the essay. Maybe I can show you an example of what to do for your reference. I would however, like to see how you would do it first. I can correct and advise you from that point on :-)
I would also, at this juncture like to pinpoint ...
... which enables me to handle all parts of my life with ease.
Since the info outlined in this para can be mentioned in CV, would it be okay if I remove it?
Sam, now that the essay is almost in is final form, we need to start reviewing it for redundancies and information that can best be received by the reviewer through the other documents that you have submitted. That said, it is important that you do a side by side comparison of the information that you have provided with your resume or CV. In other words, yes, you should remove the reference to any information in the essay that is already placed in more relevant parts of your application documentation.
The reason that you should remove any information that is already mentioned in your CV is really quite simple. The CV offers a more thorough presentation of your work in relation to that "experience". Being more specific about your accomplishments in your CV actually helps the reviewer remember the most important aspects of your academic and professional side. It is easier to refer to for clarification and allows the reviewer a chance to verify all the claims that you have made in your application. Yes, not only presidential candidates get fact checked, even college applicants do :-)
I am pleased to see how seriously you are taking your application and that you are conscious of the fact that not all information needs to be located in your essay. Removing those parts will shorten the content and totally shed light and bring the interest of the reviewer only to the prompt related content of your essay. I look forward to reading the final form of your essay :-)
@vangiespen - As you have suggested me to elaborately mention the internship I had, here I am doing so. I already had mentioned it in the first draft itself but did not elaborate it properly. Modified Para as follows. Green font is added info.
In the same year under the incredible guidance of my mentor Prof. M. D. Bharti, founder of I-Base Electrosoft previously known as MDB Electrosoft, I worked as an intern for Automatic Rationing for Public Distribution System (PDS) using RFID and GSM Module project. In this system every person will be assigned a RFID card which will contain the ID and address of the person. The RFID card will also contain the ration credit history of the Buyer as well as the distributer. This would mitigate the illegal smuggling and irregular supply of Government ration and ultimately corruption.During my time as a project intern, I got acquainted and got my hands on recent technological marvels. Raspberry pie was one of them. I learnt how to cod e in python and used it to write code for the project we worked on. We used Raspberry Pie as a computational device for the automation mechanism in the project. With the advent of GSM module one was able to maintain and keep the track record of the buyer and seller. Working under excellent guidance of M.D.Bharti I realized the true potential of embedded systems. And thus I decided do research and application project on embedded system .
I worked on 'Prudent Braking System' as a final year project of my engineering. Decline of accidents rate on highways keeping this objective in mind I proposed idea of automatic braking in cars to our guide. He found this idea remarkable and agreed to guide us through it. We built up an assembly to be installed on steering wheel. This assembly comprised of set of IR sensors coupled with microcontrollers and driving motors. Main function of this assembly was to alert the driver in case he takes his hands off the steering wheel and decelerate if he loses control over the car.During my time I spent on the practical applications in short term internship and projects, my thirst to advance my wisdom in electronics amplified. I set my career objective for research and development.
Plz let me know how does it look now. I have removed the very next para which was describing my extracurriculars, as we discussed in last comment.
Sam, please see the grammar corrections and comments below for your current and additional paragraph information. I found some parts that need clarification so you need to address those points.
----------
In the same year , under the incredible guidance of my mentor Prof. M. D. Bharti, founder of I-Base Electrosoft previously known as MDB Electrosoft, I worked as an intern for THE Automatic Rationing for Public Distribution System (PDS) using RFID and GSM Module project. In this system every person will WAS be assigned a RFID card which will THAT containS the ID and address of the person. The RFID card will also containED the ration credit history of the Buyer as well as the distributer. This would mitigateD the illegal smuggling and irregular supply of Government ration and ultimately corruption.During my time as a project intern, I got acquainted WITH and got my hands on recent technological marvels. Raspberry p Pie was one of them. I learnt ED how to codE e in python and used it to write code for the project we worked on. We used Raspberry Pie as a computational device for the automation mechanism in the project. With the advent of GSM module one , WE WERE was able to maintain and keep the track record of the buyer and seller. Working under THE excellent guidance of M.D.Bharti I realized the true potential of embedded systems. And t Thus I decided do research and application project on embedded systemS.
COMMENT: ALWAYS USE PAST TENSE WHEN DISCUSSING EVENTS THAT HAVE ALREADY HAPPENED TO YOU. SINCE THIS INTERNSHIP HAS ALREADY BEEN COMPLETED, ALL REFERENCES SHOULD BE IN THE PAST FORM OF SPEAKING.
I worked on 'Prudent Braking System' as a final year project of my engineering DEGREE REQUIREMENTS. THE D decline of THE accidents rate on highways keeping this objective WAS THE PURPOSE THAT I HAD in mind WHEN I proposed THE idea of automatic braking in cars to our guide.
COMMENT: WHO WAS THIS THIS GUIDE AND WHY DID HIS OPINION MATTER TO MUCH TO YOU AS THE PROJECT MAKER?
He found this idea remarkable and agreed to guide us through it. We built up an assembly to be installed on A steering wheel. This assembly WAS comprised of A set of IR sensors coupled with microcontrollers and driving motors.THE M main function of this assembly was to alert the driver in case he takes his hands off the steering wheel and decelerateS ONCE if he loses control over OF the car.During my THE time I spent on the practical applications in short term internship and projects, my thirst to advance my wisdom in electronics amplified. I set my career objective for research and development.
COMMENT: BE SPECIFIC ABOUT THE AREA OF RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT THAT YOU WISH TO PURSUE. IT SHOULD TIE IN WITH YOUR PREVIOUS INTERNSHIP EXPERIENCE AND GRADUATING CLASS PROJECT IN ORDER TO MAKE YOUR STATEMENT STRONGER.
-----------
Your essay is definitely showing off your potential as a masters degree student at this point. The comment of your guide is most important because of the professional and practical aspect of your suggestion. If you can say a little more about why he became intereste din helping you with this project, I believe it will help increase your practical experience tremendously.
