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Review/correct my SOP, as I am applying for PHD Mechanical, from IIT, India



raghavvij 1 / -  
Sep 21, 2015   #1
Necessity is the mother of all inventions, however obsession of getting things repaired by yourself, leads your passage to become a "doctor" no matter if a machine is like human, its heart is like engine and brain what you programme or upgrade, so why can't be the doctor of Machines.

I was raised in a middle class family, where we have to cut our expenses ,so as to save, my father was earlier a shop keeper used to run an electrical shop (now retired) at the age of learning names, when I started learning alphabets my father introduced me to the world of motors, batteries, screw drivers and wires, he used to bring scrapped equipment's to home and I used to play with those toys, and that became the part of daily routine.

Sometime I used to short the batteries, run motors and that was the time my father played very well by moulding me to love these gadgets to become technically sound.

When my friends grew while learning other things like games such as Cricket, Tip-cat, while I grew up learning machines.
When I started understanding the world (age around 8 or 10 years) I was so trained that I used to change the tube lights, sometimes electric switches.

The concept of dynamo motor which is used to swing the vents of cooler or air conditioner, stirred my mind to find a device that could be fitted on the rear rim of bicycle to produce electricity if reversed to make it a generator, and fortunately my father found it and realised the innovative talent in me, so I installed a light on my bicycle started envy of my other friends (being childish).

As we grew up more with the phase of time I used to accompany my Dad in shop as well balanced with my education.
In order to upgrade I advised my Dad to get a computer for our shop.
So while assembling, I learned to assemble the central processing unit, hence started repairing computers in order to earn money, and later I started assembling computers,

While in business I learned that business were not secured until if we were doing business on large scale, and could not be my future to earn bread.

Unfortunately my father suffered losses and eventually we had to shut our showroom(due to theft), fortunately we got tenants, one thing my father realised that my handwriting was very poor and could make my career in Mechanical engineering, the branch of designers. But he was wrong when he realised later about thermal, aerospace etc.

The pursuit for knowledge has been the supreme goal in my life, and I had been to Pune for my graduation, even though I wasn't good at academy during engineering, however best at practical knowledge and that's all what world needs as per my opinion. However, later I realized I was wrong when I started earning in a part time job as a tutor, because in order to pass information you should have that information.

During my graduation I met with friends whom goals were totally different from mine. I wanted to be in technical where as they joined coaching for CAT(for entrance in management), as per them there would not be any scope of new inventions, as humans could fly now without wings, they have landed on moon. They could see the person thousand miles away, connected to the internet without cables, automation did not require more technical labour, the world war 3 would not be a war of destruction however a Hurdle of achieving business targets.

Their words stirred my soul in spite of my obsession with machines, why I chose science over commerce, if I had to go for business, but my inner conscience was shouting at my mind Raghav, you are at right path, agreed that scope of new inventions were very less but, scope of improvements were very high.

Agreed human has landed on moon, but not from an INDIAN aircraft, man never flew on INDIAN aeroplane, India spend lots of money in defence, which is not only flushing our money, but no better technology.

People may not have forecasted, what would happen to these aircrafts once the oil runs out in spite of knowing the fact that thermal power plants are very less efficient, they waste more than 50% of the fuel, here re engineering is required, "improvements are required".

My friends at some points were right, yes the next phase of the world would to achieve business targets, but they forgotten that if scholars won't provide new technology to our country, then we would again become slave to these foreign businessmen.

India cannot become a superpower until it gets a different technology.

So my purpose is clear and Indian Institutes of Technology can provide me the passage to fulfil my dreams. I would be glad if given a research or a teaching assistantship because in addition to easing the financial burden on me, it would go a long way in preparing me for a career in research and teaching. I look forward to a challenging career in research which may even be arduous and demanding at times, but I am confident that with my sincerity and dedication, I will be able to make a meaningful contribution to the ongoing research developments and live up to the high standards expected off your university.

Given an opportunity, I shall strive to channel my unbridled efforts into more productive avenues.

vangiespen - / 4077  
Sep 21, 2015   #2
Raghav, with over 900 words in your statement of purpose, it would appear that you have a lot to say about yourself. The problem is that you go all the way back to your childhood in referencing your aspirations as a professional. That is something that is unimportant to the reviewer at this point. An effective statement of purpose is far different from a college personal statement, which allows you to discuss influential events in your life from the day you were born. Once you reach the master level of studies, all of those childish dreams and aspirations , all of the college course mistakes are no longer considered a factor in your qualities as a potential student. The most important qualification? Who you are at present as a professional.

In order to understand your purpose for higher studies, you need to clearly explain where you stand in your current professional career and how you hope to parlay that into something new for yourself in the future by completing these higher studies. Your previous background as a tutor, the computer shop, all of these are irrelevant to your pursuit of master mechanical studies. What you need to do is relate your current profession, which hopefully has something to do with mechanical engineering with your desire for higher studies. How do the two interests combine in order to create a career path for you in the future?

What is important is that the statement reflect your reasons for higher studies and your plans for the future. How do you see these studies furthering your career? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? How does completing this degree help you achieve that? Most importantly, what can the university you are applying to offer you in terms of internships, scholarships, or study grants that you feel will be in your best interest? How do you plan on helping the university achieve a higher status as an academic institution during your time there?

Your statement of purpose needs to answer all of these questions, hopefully within 500 -700 words at the most. However, if the word limit for your paper is 1000 words, then the length of your response is correct at this point. Usually though, reviewers look for complete answers using less words because of all of the other statements that they have to read during a regular work day.

Again, my advice is that you reconsider the content of your paper and focus more on your current professional aspirations for your statement of purpose. At this point, the paper that you wrote feels more like a college personal statement than anything else. It is not at the level of importance and writing expertise that a reviewer would expect of a masters degree applicant.


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