Need for the review on the reference for my application to MSc

Hello!
I've asked my professor to write reference for my application to MSc, but she doesn't speak English. so below is the reference. Please help to check and suggest any correction for it to help me on my application

Dear Admission Committee,

I am writing this reference to give my highest possible recommendation for XXX for admission to MSc XXX at the XXX. I have known XXX for two years as his professor, scientific adviser and mentor. During this time, he has shown himself as a promising young specialist and researcher.

By witnessing Mr XXX performance in the class as his mentor, I am convinced that he is destined for success. He displayed to be an intelligent, hardworking student, always seeking for an opportunity to expand his knowledge as it is proved by the excellent results of the examinations. He is an active participant in all class discussions who listens eagerly and never hesitates to raise questions. He is an initiative, determined and responsible student.

During an Internship in XXX Mr XXX has proved to be a competent specialist, faithfully serving as oil and gas operator. He showed immense working efficiency and great interest in technological processes in the oil field. At the end of the Internship, XXX received a job offer to join the company after graduation, what indicates that he has a comprehensive, competitive and detailed knowledge of petroleum engineering.

XXX is currently involved in research work doing investigation of existing methods used to drill into the productive formations in the producing wells. In addition to this, XXX is preparing for the (All-Russian) national scientific-technical conference "XXX" and (All-Russian) national conference-contest for final-year students with his works as a speaker from our University. In previous years he has taken part in I international research and practice conference "XXX" and has published an article "XXX" in the scientific public organisation "Professional Science". He shows excellent analytical skills working on his graduation project by taking a deep look into the technological and economic effectiveness of the radial drilling and analysis of the effectiveness of fluid flow to the radially drilled well. As his supervisor, I would say he is scholarly entrenched with great ambitions.

Through the activity working on the projects with other students, he honed his communication, interpersonal, and leadership skills.

Mr XXX is truly one of the most outstanding students in his course, showing comprehensive knowledge and serious attitude to learning. I expect XXX to respond to the challenges of the master's program with a rigorous devotion to excellence, and I am certain that his intellectual capabilities will allow him to handle most demanding courses on the programme. I, therefore, recommend him to your postgraduate program. If you have any further information, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,

Tweenky, how much of this letter is actually based on the experience that the professor has had with you? It seems to me that you have written this letter on your own without considering that the only information it should contain are references to actual activities and performances, as well as observable traits that could have only been seen by your professor when you worked under him. So the references to your published articles, internship (outside of the classroom work), international research participation, etc, are irrelevant in this letter. It is irrelevant because he did not actually witness you doing these things so when he is called for verification, as reviewers are inclined to do these days, he will not be able to respond accurately to the questions he will be asked and your application can be severely affected.

Make sure that your letter only presents verifiable information. Stick to what he really knows about you based upon the work or academic experience and time that you spent with him. Don't endanger your application by including information that he cannot support in an actual interview. If he is your project adviser on the research you are doing, then center the letter on that working experience with him instead. That is information he can support and easily verify if it becomes necessary for him to do so.