Have been working on this for a couple of weeks.. From a 2 page CV explanation it has come down to this.. for MS in mechanical..
Placed among the top twenty teams in the country in Virtual BAJA Design Challenge 2009 has been one of the highlights of my short professional journey as a mechanical engineer.
The competition to design an all terrain vehicle had the complexities of various aspects of design thrown at me. Tackling a lot of niggling problems with design in the first go resulted in an unrefined and an inefficient solution. More introspection and a better approach helped us achieve a better solution and a commendable result. My interest in design was the driving force behind my contribution. I felt the thirst to constantly improve my knowledge, which would in-turn benefit the team. Though we were placed in the top 20, I was made aware of my shortcomings in exposure and knowledge, but significantly I was happy to note that it was not a shortcoming of ability or effort. I hope a graduate program in design would provide me the exposure and access to knowledge required to plug these shortcomings.
Courses like design, fluidics, thermal engineering, heat transfer etc pushed my interest towards machine design and fluid mechanics. I understood the magnitude of usage of the underlying fundamentals of these courses in the design of cars and machinery. It was here, in the middle of my degree program, that my aim and interests began to confluence into a stream.
I tried to experience various aspects of design through diverse project forays. I chose to design a robot for my first project. The experience of this project gave me my first taste of what I want to do in my professional life, design engineering. From an internship at Saipem India project services, a leading EPC company in Oil and Gas Industry worldwide, which I am currently pursuing on tank and nozzle load analysis, I hope to strengthen my knowledge on design and analysis techniques. I am also working on finalizing my final project topic in the area of fuel cell technology with Center for Fuel Cell Technology in Chennai, a leading center of excellence in the world.
Research in the United States has always pioneered constant technological advancements in the world. Being a prospective student for new challenging ideas, I believe that an opportunity for higher education in the United States would give me a broader and more informed perspective in the field of mechanical engineering. I intend to focus my research on the areas of application of design engineering, particularly in fluid-thermal systems. I am quite confident that, as a research assistant, I would be able to contribute my fullest to the university's growing research.
With considerable information about your university that I piled from the university's website and from friends already there, I am sure that your university will represent education in the US as I perceive it to be. I intend to finish as a successful mechanical engineer, and by success I do not mean monetary or material success but I intend to make a contribution to the field, and I look forward to continuing my journey in this regard through your university.
Having been placed among...
Courses in design, fluidics,...
a leading EPC company in the Oil and Gas Industry worldwide,..
With considerable information about your university that I compiled ...
@susan..
thanks.. will make the changes..
is this decent enough for submitting to a grad school?
and about the length of the statement.. it can be this short rite?
I think your first sentence is too full of information. It's hard for the reader's brain to process at the start. You might want to precede it with a short, clever sentence.
This is a good time to use parentheses:
From an internship at Saipem India project services (a leading EPC company in Oil and Gas Industry worldwide, which I am currently pursuing on tank and nozzle load analysis) I hope to strengthen my knowledge on design and analysis techniques.
...but it should say "at which..."
I am strengthening my knowledge on design and analysis techniques by completing an internship at Saipem India project services, a leading EPC company in Oil and Gas Industry; worldwide I am currently participating in tank and nozzle load analysis. I hope to strengthen my knowledge on design and analysis techniques.
Maybe that is better?
About the length... it depends on their guidelines. If they give no guidelines, I think this is enough. It is very impressive, because you are obviously already an expert in this field. Your last sentence is clunky and awkward, though... I think you should replace it with 3 solid sentences about the specific resources, professors, programs, etc that make their school perfect for your specific life-plan.
It is okay to make it a little longer, so do it by adding a bit more at the end about the SPECIFIC ways that school will facilitate your plan.
thanks kevin.. very informative.. I will make changes to the internship and conclusion para..
as i have not done much research in my undergrad i prefer to keep my sop on the shorter side.. do not want to add to many unwanted details.. this is the basic draft.. am trying to get as many inputs as possible to make it a better one.. thanks again..
Yes, I agree that it is good to eliminate all unnecessary details. But if you can pack a few key sentences full of specific observations about the school or your chosen field, it is the stuff that makes essays substantial. It really is important to be efficient, though, like you said.
@kevin
ive posted my essay here.. will it be a problem when its being checked for plagiarism?
cant this post be removed?
pls tell me there wouldn be any problem because of this..
Hi, I have never heard of anyone's essay not passing a plagiarism checker after posting on this site. Other people have asked this question. Their bots are not allowed to probe our site, so you should not worry. However, if you ever are accused of plagiarism, you can show the person that the essay is in a post that belongs to Avinash Raghuram. It is good that you used your full name in creating your membership, so you can always show people that the essay belongs to you.
Kind regards
:-)
