Self Assessment Essay for application a position at Risk Advisory in Deloitte

I am applying a position which requires a self-assessment concerning merits and career goals, which is quite similar to some essay questions for Entrance of Master Degree. Hope I can get some help from you guys, Thanks.

Please prepare a short paragraph to describe your merits and what career objectives you want to achieve in Deloitte. No more than 300 words

my priorities within the next few years

As a senior undergraduate with multi-internship experience including selling-side in finance (Haitong Securities IBD), Assurance Service (PwC Audit) and equity investment (Iron Investment Dept. at Fosun), I find it fun in the end that consulting actually attracts me most with its case-based business transaction, team-orientated working style and never-stop-learning spirit which is the reason why I want to pursue a position at Risk Advisory in Deloitte.

Through my leader role in a volunteer organization concerning environment protection in college as well as several projects that require interpersonal and communication skills, I realize that teamwork spirit is equally important to leadership inside a group of peers who are trying their best to get a case done for it is already a tiring process to handle massive workload and deliver a solution in a short of time with someone you are familiar, let alone the suffering of putting up with someone who does not deserve one's utterly trust.

In respect of my career plan in Deloitte, accumulating experience through researching and analyzing data as well as assisting in presenting pleasant final solutions towards our clients will be my first priority within the next few years. An ideal assumption of me three years from now would be a senior associate with strong working experience focusing on a large cap of risk advisory transactions in respect of Business Risk in certain industries.

@rollandning
Hi Roland,

I think mentioning that you choose particular job just because of fun shows that you don't consider it seriously in pursuing your career. What are jobs did you assigned to during your internship jobs, selling financial instruments or provide consultancy services or both? The negative remarks you write about tiring job in short of time and working with someone you don't trust give minus points to your essay as it show you inability to cope up with uncertainty of situation you will encountered later in your job. What basic skills in relation to risk that can support you in undertake your job later as Risk Advisor?

Small words correction:
Through my leadership role in a non-profit organization that focus in environment protection--

Hope my comment helps.

Rolland, I do not really see a strong discussion of your merits or strengths as a potential student at Deloitte. Bear in mind that you should only be discussing your strengths in relation to your chosen course of study. Therefore, a sense of seriousness in your essay should be evident. The first paragraph seems to take the presentation too lightly and as such, removes the impact of your response. I believe that you should change the overall tone of your voice to a serious one and also, make sure that your merits show a direct relation to your chosen course. Your leadership role is not strong enough to serve as a merit because you did not discuss your accomplishments as a leader. Rather, you showed your observations regarding team work and team spirit which, although related in discussion, cannot be considered a strength or merit because you are speaking of a group effort instead of the required individualized discussion.