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To serve the great nation of mine (India). Suggestion on the pros and cons of my personal statement



Prithivi 1 / -  
Jan 16, 2016   #1
"The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why"
Mark Twain

I believe my purpose of existence is to serve the great nation of mine (India) to become a happy country rather than a economic superpower. I decided creating new jobs is much better than finding one and this decision of mine will help me fulfill my purpose mentioned above. It will be an honor for me to pursue a Master's in the field of Management from an internationally recognized university such as yours which will equip me with required theoretical knowledge coupled with managerial skills for starting up my own business venture.

Life is nothing without basic values and this was attained in my school days where my academic record was good enough for me to gain an admission into one of the reputed universities in the country - Institute of Road and Transport Technology. My junior years consisted of several courses on basic sciences and mathematics which acted as a cradle for enhancing my academic knowledge and served as a strong foundation in the basic concepts of Mechanical Engineering. Among the wide range of subjects in my senior years, I was most interested in Thermal Engineering and Engineering Mechanics. Rather than the subjects, I was particularly interested in the conceptual mathematical approach to Mechanical Engineering subjects.

My senior year project was on "Maintenance Optimization of Automotive Diesel Engine" The Project deals with the maintenance technique to increase the engine performance up to the maximum level with the help of Risk Based Maintenance tool. I haven't stopped myself in displaying my project within our university but tried to take it on to the stages of National level technical seminars organized by reputed universities in the country and got recognized.

Academic pursuit punctuated with internships at worldwide renowned companies like RANE (Madras) Limited, Bremals Rubber Industries Pvt Limited and DELPHI TVS Diesel Systems Ltd played a pivotal role in gaining practical exposure on the industrial practices. Participating in intercollegiate events helped me imbibe leadership skills and match my wits with the best of other colleges in the country.

Skills and knowledge developed must be implemented. This was made possible through my recruitment as an Application Engineer in the Multi National Company, EMERSON PROCESS MANAGEMENT (Fisher Valves). With EPM-Fisher, I had the exposure to the demand of Oil and Gas market. I was given the task to size and select control valves for different applications and processes for various industries in Middle-East Region. I worked on the project support for Middle East & Africa region and this gave me a chance to exhibit exemplary leadership skills. Considering my past experience with Middle East projects, I was granted Team Leader role in Seoul, South Korea to handle the SADARA project which was meant to be the prestigious project for Emerson Process Management. Sadara Chemical Co., is the world's largest chemicals manufacturing facility built in a single phase which also is the joint venture of our two major key customers Dow and Aramco. This was a multi-million project and I was given very limited time to meet the deadlines. I had to coordinate with my team of nine Application Engineers to finish it in time. Apart from submitting the project on time, reducing the cost was another big challenge for us. As there was stiff competition from our competitors to be the lowest bidder was necessary to secure the project. In order to cut the input costs, optimizing the selection of components without compromising the quality was the only alternative. We got into the task and finally we made sure that each selection was optimized so that considerable cost was reduced. This required lot of study, research and patience. We never worked hard, but we worked passionately and joyfully and therefore we never got tired and felt any hardship. Subsequent to the initial submission of bid, After months of discussions and negotiations we finally received the prestigious order. It was due to the joy of doing things, dedication, and team spirit that we could clinch this order. At that time, our organization was on the verge of laying off few employees as a part of cost cutting. As we got this huge order at the right time, we could also save their jobs too. Apart from my project routine, I played a key role in the quality assurance team and was instrumental in getting ISO 9001:2000 for my organization.

When more than half a decade of sound technical proficiency gained from the Middle East and Asia Pacific combines with the Astute business practices of the western world it will mould me into a truly global management professional who would have the courage to take on real world challenges in this complex business scenario. My journey towards my passion is still a few more miles away. I need to sparkle in my career with a Masters Degree- the M.Sc in Management, without which my career would not be fulfilled. The X University gives its students a degree with a dignified knowledge of survival amidst the global standards and also makes you learn the professional development skills in creative leadership. With the guidance of the able faculty and my experience one day I can lead an organization on my own and be an example for the future generations. Therefore, I request you to consider my purpose and help me to attain my passion.

pratik0406 - / 8  
Jan 16, 2016   #2
Prithvi, I tried correcting some sentences. In the second para I didnt get the relation between how your values are related to getting admitted to some school. In para 3 remove the statement where you say you didnt work hard and didnt face any hardships, as you are contradicting yourself

... nation of mine (India) to become a happy country rather than a economic superpower, but ...
I decided realized creating new jobs is much better than finding one and this decision of mine will help me fulfill my purpose mentioned above.

... field of Management from an internationally (Write university name) recognized university such as yours which will equip me with required ...

Life is nothing without basic values scruples and this was I attained THEM in my school days where...
... basic sciences and mathematics which acted as a cradle for enhancEDing my academic knowledge and ...

multi-million DOLLAR project and I was given ...
I had to coordinate with my team of nine ...
... compromising the quality was the only alternative solution

When WITH more than half a decade of ...
vangiespen - / 4077  
Jan 16, 2016   #3
Prithivi, when you write a personal statement, your concentration should be more focused on the development of your interest in the particular field you are enrolling in. I don't really suggest that you open your essay with a quote because those are the words of someone else that you will be trying to connect to your own point of view or personality. I have never found essays that start with quotes to be strong because the strength of the essay relies on the writer's ability to connect himself with his chosen quotation. A truly strong essay opens with an anecdote regarding the writer himself in my opinion.

The anecdote should be able to establish your early interest in your desired course or ambition in life. What was that pivotal event in your life that led you to the realization that you wish to dedicate your life to the improvement or service of India? Never assume that the words of Mark Twain can successfully establish that for you. You have to establish that personal interest yourself.

As the name of the essay goes, this is a personal statement. So you should concentrate on discussing the personal connection, roots, or interests that brought you to the conclusion that this is the career path you should choose. The information about your areas of study, research work, and others are best left to your statement of purpose, which will be one of the essays that you will be writing for MS school application. Right now, the essay to show the growth of your commitment to this objective of yours and why you feel that it will be a life goal fulfillment for you.


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