"Sharp" - My Sop of international relations

Hope some one can read through it. I tried hard to put it more plain, but still with so many buzz word. And, I know my sentence is too long. Could anyone help me to fix it or simply tell me your feeling after reading =)

Thank you!

Sharp

------------------------------------------------------------ -------------------------------
My initial exposure to the social effects of globalization occurred two years ago while discussing the Italian Biagi law with members of Indymedia, an international organization promoting non-mainstream, independent media. During the meeting, they were quite concerned that the law carried tremendous uncertainty to the Italian labor market. Given that globalization requires increased labor flexibility, they argued that Italian workers are prone to receive limited and unfair labor contracts. Although I had wanted to study this topic further, I realized that the censorship enforced against the Chinese media severely limited my understanding of world affairs. In this light, it is my goal to broaden my knowledge of world affairs and study this topic and other key areas of international relations through your program.

This same curiosity urged me to become an exchange student for six months in South Korea in the spring of 2009. There, I enrolled in a course called "NGOs and the International Community," which introduced me to the various methods utilized by these groups to interact with governments and various institutions to achieve their goals. Then, by joining the Independent Media Center (IMC) in Korea to help translate news from English to Chinese, I learned IMC's various motivations, goals, and problem-solving strategies. Several months later, I completed my course report on IMC Korea based on interviews, surveys, and my own observations. Closely observing Indymedia and witnessing Korean farmers' protests against international trade in Seoul, I realized that the harmful impact of economic globalization was not unique to Italy, but is a worldwide phenomenon as well. However, in China, where workers receive lower salaries since joining the WTO, the public has not been properly informed because information is being filtered. I realized that sufficient exchange of information at the grassroots level could be an approach to ensure global justice-an area I am planning to study should I be admitted to your program.

With this, I focused on undergoing training in analyzing issues related to globalization and justice. With the assistance of political philosophy learning, I read Rawls' justice theory and examined domestic cases that could be applied to international scenarios through logical deduction. To understand the current situation of the housing reform program in China, I joined the housing census group. Likewise, in order to understand the effects of a free market economy and international trade on developed and developing nations, I worked in a media organization, China Business News (CBN), which focuses on business reportage. These practical experiences provided me with basic economic knowledge, as well as a broader view of the competition among multiple international interests. However, I am still exploring on eliminating unjust intranational and international distribution of goods under a reliable political structure and international trade order.

My decision to become a journalist who can tackle international issues was shaped by my experiencing working for CBN. I aim to possess abundant knowledge and experience on international affairs, to provide helpful information that can assist citizens to make rational choices, and contribute to efforts meant to improve civic consciousness among the Chinese so that they can defend their interests. My main study plan includes carefully studying the relationship among countries and their resulting interaction in terms of international trade, global justice systems, and the effect of media reporting on these issues. In college, I attended a macroeconomics class and other non-credit financial lectures to further understand international relations; however, I know that a systematic training in political economics is necessary.

In this light, I believe XXXprovides all the courses I am interested in, as well as the tools necessary for me to succeed and reach my goal. Your China Specialization for XXXstudents perfectly suits my interests. I prefer a comparative and specialized study, since my undergraduate study has focused on comparative philosophy. Besides, Courses like "Topics in International Trade", "WTO and the Law" and "International Economics"will extend my insight of contemporary economic globalization. Moreover, with my experience in various media outlets, I am certain that the course "Media and Democracy in Asia" and Prof. XXXwill enlighten me on mass media's capability to influence public opinion as well as to discuss the effects of enhanced information symmetry. Thus, XXXis the ideal academic institution where I can continue my research on these issues. With the help of the policy workshop, I can gain access to a wider perspective of international relations. After all, IR requires various perspectives and cultural viewpoints. These acquired knowledge and skills will allow me to position myself as a credible journalist on international issues, as well as increase my competence to work with the government.

In my career, I have acquired varied experiences and have overcome related challenges with regards to my tasks for each of the groups I have been affiliated with. Challenges motivate me to accomplish my goals and meet the strictest standards set by my university and the institutions I have worked for. My ability to communicate and quickness to learn helped me flourish in a demanding internship at CBN, and I plan to carry on with such a dedicated work ethic once admitted into your program. I hope that these attributes will help you adequately assess my application and my readiness to obtain a graduate degree in XXX.

camboj Edit Delete Move 124.235.147.111
Nov 24, 2009 #6

Now that shows some wisdom about writing; it is good that you know you are responsible for creating a certain experience for the reader.

...some media professionals from Italy. ----> It is better top never just refer top people by their race, or it sounds racist! :-) Refer to them by their expertise: media professionals.

Transition brilliantly, like this:
Suddenly aware of the fact the censorship of the Chinese media has severely limited our understanding of the world, I became fascinated and resolved t o learn and research more on this topic.

My curiosity has next brought me to spend six months as an exchange student in South Korea...

So, that shows that curiosity was sparked, and then paragraph 2 shows what you did with your curiosity...

My experience working in China-CBN confirmed my decision to be a journalist.

Well done, you have a great concept here... wanting to spread truth through media. Thanks so much for the contribution your are making to society with this life! You have the right ideas...

Thank you very much for your comments. Actually my friends told me it's hard to catch my thought since I put so many stuffs in one essay without explain them well. Could I ask your feeling about it? should I change the whole structure by just telling one story?

What you can do is "support" all the topics by listing them in one of the sentences in your first paragraph. Near the end of the first paragraph, refer to the points you are going to make in the paragraphs below. Separate them with commas in a single sentence. Do you know what I mean?

Hi I revised it, can you review it again?

great essay~