Situation where you had to overcome a significant obstacle to reach a goal.State reactions & lessons

There is a greater purpose in pain

I needed to be called a graduate too, so I held on to mother's words "If you don't fight for what you want, don't cry for what you lost".

It wasn't so long after I turned twelve when my Mom and Dad parted ways. I was the eldest and had two younger ones who were looking up to me. Though Dad was around I knew I had lost a great source of inspiration. My father remarried after we went through hell in the hands of his family members. My step-mum was good to us. She was a friend to the family so I had great hope things would be fine until it turned out to be exact opposite. She turned my Dad against me so I kept all my thoughts and worries to myself. Finances became a thing I started to worry about but God saw me through and I managed to complete my secondary education.

Thankfully I gained admission into the tertiary institution read Agriculture. I could not tell Dad about this because the relationship between us had grown wide. Funds to pay tuition and accommodation was a problem. Friends had to support me with loans (which I haven't paid yet) to supplement the meagre one Dad provided for me. I struggled with finances in school but I didn't let that affect my grades. God was there with me and I sailed through.

What I went through had the tendency of totally breaking me down but I don't regret going through all that because I got to know that there is purpose attached to every pain. Me being able to surf through the storm and emerging as the winner has given me the stands to help anyone who finds himself in a similar situation. There is purpose to pain.

institution where I read about agriculture
had grown wide tense
Me being able => Me I being able

Believe me you will sail through, hats off to your struggle, it has the content to shake the readers mind.

Nathaniel, this is a response that directly responds to the essay prompt. There are several areas that can be improved though. You have statements that are a bit difficult to understand. There are a number of points that need clarification in this presentation due to the confusing presentation.

The first part that needs clarification is the quote from your mother. You need to appropriately connect that quote with the situation you presented in the essay. I am not quite sure about its relevance because you did not close out the essay with a justification of the quote through your experiences, lessons, or reaction to the situation you found yourself in.

Next, what did you mean by "... tertiary institution read agriculture? Read? What does that mean? It doesn't make sense in English. I am guessing that you meant to say you were accepted into an agriculture focused university? You need to reword that sentence for clarification purposes. This leads me to another question.

Since the quote you presented was from your mom, how did she fit into the scenario? Why were you only with your dad and why did she not financially support your studies? That is a loophole in your discussion that you need to plug.

This is a well developed draft that has room for improvement. I hope that you have not maxed out your word count yet so that you can further enhance the content. Otherwise, you will need to totally revise the essay in order to close the questions and problems that I pointed out above.